Reasonable?
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Anonymous
| I told my DH I wanted to take a little break from his mom. He can go see her 1x a week or so to grab dinner but I don't want to spend family time with her 2-3 times a week as we usually do. I just feel like she's on my nerves lately and it's been so draining. We have two kids and she's upset. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Eh... if you usually see her 2-3 x week, maybe cut it down to 1x a week, and he can go see her another time with or without kid. It's a good example for the kids. |
Anonymous
Yah it would be 1x a week and if she wants to take the kids at her place. I just personally need a break from spending a lot of time with her. She will still see the kids 1-2x a week. |
Anonymous
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2-3 times is a lot. If you need a break you need a break. She doesn't have to be upset she could enjoy alone time with her son and grandchildren.
In saying that if you heard that you were irritating her and she needed a break from you I'm sure you would be hurt too. She doesn't need to know that information, just say you are busy at the moment or tired and need some down time. Make it about yourself rather than her. I think what she is really upset about is that she probably knows that 1x a week visits are about to become the norm and she doesn't want things to change. Being upset is simply being manipulative to keep things the way she wants them. She needs to be more flexible. |
Anonymous
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OP—that sounds completely reasonable. I can’t believe you haven’t done it sooner. Start this week and do not have a moment of guilt or regret. Your husband can handle the multiple visits.
Take care of yourself. |
Anonymous
Why is she upset? Was this announced to her? If so, that was a dumb move on your husband’s part. All that needs to happen is that you just don’t show up beyond once a week. “Oh where’s Sally?” “She had some things to take care of at home. She’ll see you next Sunday when we come for dinner.” |
Anonymous
This. You didn’t even need to say it out loud to DH (since anything negative about his mom is going to sting) You should have phrased it that you were happy to let them have some special time together when your mom doesn’t have to have you there to entertain too. We do it all the time and my MIL loves it because no one is silently judging each other! |
Anonymous
| I had to give my dh words to say when his parents asked where I was. Otherwise he looked guilty and awkward and made people think there was something wrong with us (no issues! I just have a demanding job and need downtime) |
Anonymous
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"She already had plans"
"She needed some downtime" (my MIL would not respect this, fwiw) - OP, I can't believe you've been doing 2-3x/wk. Even if you adore them. That is crazy. My MIL is a nightmare. I'm very direct and open about not wanting to be around MIL with a huge log of incidents of her being horrendous. It has been important to get SO to be more direct but this really just depends on if your MIL is normal, rational human being with any social skills whatsoever. Mine is not. "No, she is not cooking the multi-course meals you requested. We aren't interested in hosting because last time you spent the entire time complaining and invited four extra people without permission and still showed up after her major medical event then harassed her about not making food and cleaning the garage at 9pm on a Saturday night." |
jsmith123
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| OP, how was this communicated to your MIL? |
Anonymous
| It wasn’t. Just my husband but we didn’t invite her over this week. |
jsmith123
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If you have some regularly scheduled get togethers that didn't happen this past week, she's probably just wondering what's up. I would have DH schedule some outdoor stuff with her and the kids, and your absence is written off as needing to do XYZ. |