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Please share your inspirational stories ... I really need them right now!
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Anonymous
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I'm having a difficult time "figuring it all out" right now. I'm at a crossroads, maybe it's a "mid-life" thing (even though I'm not quite at the "mid-life" age yet). I'm so over my job (really, my entire career). It takes every ounce of my being to get up every morning and drag myself through the work day. My husband and I are at a standstill regarding children. I haven't been able to conceive and we need to decide whether to pursue fertility help or begin the adoption process. My instinct is to quit my job now, giving two weeks notice, and focus on myself and my husband and starting a family.
Please share about one of the best decisions that you feel you ever made. Especially something that you were perhaps scared or nervous to do, but it worked out for the best. Thank you, I really need to motivation right now. I'm stuck in a slump! |
Anonymous
Sorry, I meant to type need the motivation right now. |
Anonymous
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I don't have any inspirational stories for you, I just wanted to give you an e-hug.
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Anonymous
OP here. Thank you for the e-hug. I really needed it today. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry for your angst, OP. I wish we had a roadmap for life sometimes. Sending you hugs.
To answer your original request, I did have a major decision to make last year: my husband and I decided to start trying to have a family during my mother's battle with cancer. We didn't know how long she would live, if she would meet her grandchild, or if it was even smart to get pregnant with so much stress in our lives. Jump ahead, my daughter was born healthy, and my mother was alive to see her and give her love for almost three months before we lost my mother. Easy? No. Best decision ever? Yes. Big bonus: my daughter resembles my mother. |
Anonymous
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OP--all I can tell you is that life is short and uncertain, and that we're not practicing for anything. This is it. Do what makes you happy, as long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else and as long as you and your DH can manage financially.
I quit my job last year to spend more time with my DS and I don't regret it, I started a part-time freelance career that is doing very well. My father has aggressive, likely terminal cancer, and I now also help with his care. Don't know how I would have done it all working FT. I am sad every day, but I know I would be sadder had I kept up with a life that was making me unhappy. I guess this is not inspirational, but I did indeed take control of my life and it's a good thing, too, because the people around me need me more than ever. I am a stronger person for the choices I've made, especially the risky and hard ones. As long as you and your DH have each other and can reach consensus on next steps, let your instinct and your reason be your guide. Anything is possible; make it happen. |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm not a professional counselor, but some of the language you used in your post, particularly regarding the difficulties you are experiencing with coping every day, sounds like depression. Losing enjoyment is a big sign. Perhaps counseling to support you and help you work through your choices and, if indicated, a leave of absence from work -- rather than quitting outright, which might not be the best for you long-term -- would be helpful. Carolyn Hax, the WP advice columnist, always suggests The Women's Center in NoVa -- other on this board or others, or your own physician, might also be able to provide referrals. Good counseling can really, really help you to get your mind around a problem, and develop strategies to tackle the issues.
Best of luck. |
Anonymous
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OP, a professor of mine who later became a friend has such a cute story about infertility... here we go:
They were two busy teacher/professors and were TTC for years. They went to several diff docs but nobody seem to find what was wrong. They gave up and went the adoption road. They adopted a brother and a sister left alone after dad killed the mom. They were 5 and 3yo. The day they traveled to pick them up in another state mom started feeling sick. She thought she had a stomach bug or maybe it was the long drive and some motion sickness. They came back with the kids ready to start a new life but she didn't feel better in a few days and decided to go to the doctor. They did the standard screening there and found out at that moment that she was expecting. 10 weeks later they go back for a US and SURPRISE: IT'S TWINS!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what your specific case is but have you thought that the sadness about your job might be the reason why you're not being able to conceive? If you can afford I would just quit and dedicate some time to myself and the family. That's what I did and that's exactly when I got pregnant. I was told from teenager years that I would never be able to conceive. Honestly I was never sad about it since I'm very comfortable with adoption since I come from a family with several relatives being adopted and I worked in orphanages as a volunteer for years so this is part of who I am. I dated DH for 4 years before we got married and I was always honest with him about my diagnosis. He couldn't care less, such a supportive guy! But when he proposed he asked me if I wanted to quit work and dedicate my time to the wedding planning (we're from different countries so we had to plan 3 weddings) and school. I did it. I just sat home and "relaxed" - if this is possible planning 2 weddings overseas and 1 around the corner  . So, finally, we got married he asked me to stop BC and see what God had prepared to us. I stopped it a week before our first wedding - the local one - and I never got a period again. I was pregnant in the next 2 wedding ceremonies. Quite a shock for my family who knew about my condition.
That was the "TTC" story. I'll come back later to tell you a bit about why I'm so happy with my choices in the professional field. Hang in there OP. This phase will pass
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Anonymous
| I can't tell you what to do, but is there a reason you can't pursue adoption and infertility at the same time? I would join RESOLVE an infertility group. We took an adoption group with them, (just a monthly group to help us whether adoption was right for us) It was ongoing at the time. Anyway if you do want to consider adoption (we did), do not use this adoption board on DCUrban Mom, it is pretty useless. All the adoption people are on different yahoo listserves. There are a lot different adoption groups segregated by location or county of adoptee. Don't know any for domestic adoption, but there are probably them out there too. |
Anonymous
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Oh lord, 11:36. I know you are trying to be helpful but your post is full of things that you don't say to someone struggling with infertility, like relax and it will happen, or it will happen after you adopt. Your story may have a happy ending but others don't. Please, in the future, think about not saying these things to someone who is infertile.
Done with my infertility public service announcement. |
Anonymous
Just to piggyback on this for an adoption public service announcement, these anecdotes can be equally aggravating to adoptive families because there's an often a whiff of "isn't it great they wound up having their *own* children anyway" in them. Also, SO many people claim to know people who got pregnant after adopting...it does happen, but it's still very rare when serious infertility was the main driver toward adoption. |
zumbamama
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I think focusing your energy on yourself is exactly what you need to do. If I hated my job and could afford to take a break from the corporate grind, I would. I think it's worth it to explore all your options, whether it's SAH for awhile or searching for more appealing career options. Life is too short to stay where you don't want to be. And stress won't help infertility one bit.
The crappy economy made it easy for me to take a big leap in a different direction, forcing me to refocus myself professionally and pursue what I really wanted. But sometimes you have to make yourself jump. I say follow your heart. |
Anonymous
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OP again. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and advice. After I posted, I became ill for the entire weekend (again). I work in an industry where I come into contact with numerous people a day in a variety of situations and was constantly ill. I took it as a sign to leave my job and take better care of myself.
To the poster who suggested that depression may be a factor I totally agree and had been thinking for some time that I was falling deeper into depression as the weeks went by. I am hopeful that it was situational depression and now that I will be leaving my job, it will lift. If I find that it doesn't, I will definitely seek some therapy. The plan right now is to stay home, take care of myself, my husband, and our pets and try to start a family in whatever way works (biologically or through adoption). I'm also going to explore a career option that I've been interested in for a while that will allow me to work part time in a much less stressful environment. I am nervous about making the wrong decision but I know that I had to do something. The path I was on was not working. Thanks again for all of your kind responses. |