Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Soon to be 3 yr old son's anti-social behavior at preschool- help/ideas
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My son is nearly 3 years old and attends preschool 2 mornings a week. He is an only child so I thought it would be good for him to play with other children as well as get used to another person caring for him. He has been cared for by me nearly 24/7 since birth so it really was an adjustment for him to have a "stranger" take care of him. He has never really felt comfortable at school which is reflected in his behavior. When he is nervous/anxious in a situation, he doesn't cry for mommy like some of the 2 yr olds in his class do. He tends to act out by throwing things, knocking things over, being extremely defensive when other kids get near him. When other kids come close to him, he tends to hit/push/tackle them but he won't go out of his way to do these behaviors. Sometimes they are trying to grab what he is playing with but other times, they are just physically near him and he lashes out. Can anyone give me suggestions on what to do about this behavior? His teachers have been understanding but since I am not there, I am not able to help him feel at ease there. I know he feels a lot more comfortable when I am around and his is in the presence of other kids (like at the playground, etc). We are going to join a playgroup soon so that maybe with some support from me, he can learn some more pro-social behavior. He is a nice little boy and normal is every aspect of his development but this acting out around other kids has me worried. I signed him up for school 2 mornings a week next year as a 3 yr old but I am already worried about his behavior there. He will be in a larger class (16 kids and 2 teachers) and I don't want him to be the kid nobody wants to play with. He also tends to do what he wants at school b/c he knows there are no consequences for not following the rules (although he is getting better about the routine, like sitting on the carpet for circle time, etc). Any ideas to help him? |
Anonymous
| I think his behaviour is pretty normal for his age. When my son was 2 and 3 years old it was really hard to drop him off at school. He demonstrated most of the behaviours you descrbe. His teacher would send home a schedule every week or so, so we could talk about school at home before I dropped him off (this was to ease the transition). Since he didn't want to socialize with schoolmates when we came in, I'd usually spend a few minutes holding him and talking to the other kids. Sometimes this helped and sometimes he went off by himself. I would always try to explain what the proper social behaviour when different situations arose. Slowly he has became more social and now that he is four is usually very excited to attend school and see his buddies. He still doesn't like it when kids come up to him right away and hug him, but he is much more social. Some kids are social butterflies right off the bat and some just develop their social abilities a bit more slowly. |
Anonymous
| Since you sound like a SAHM, you could instead put your child in a coop like Little Lambs where the mothers stay with the child some of the days. That way he could get used to your coming and going. You could hang out for some of his days in preschool than shorten the time until you aren't there anymore. You could also try a different place. If he's not adjusting, this may not be a good fit to socialize him. |
amma_mama
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
You don't say how long he has been going to this class, but just a thought, which may sound counter-intuitive. Perhaps you need to increase the number of days per week for him to get comfortable. Going only two days per week may not be enough to really establish a routine for him (as each day is different) and to enable him to feel like an "insider" at school rather than an "outsider". That said, if it has not been very long since he started, I would give it a bit more time on the current schedule to see if he adjusts - it can take some kids a few weeks, others a few months to adjust to a new situation. If he does not adjust and you do not want to increase the number of days per week, right now perhaps just wait until he is 3, then try again (and do regular play dates as suggested).
Also, just another thought...You say that the school has been "understanding", but have they pro-actively fostered an environment that would make your son more comfortable with other children, e.g. by encouraging him to play along side (not necessarily "with" since sharing is a sensitive issue) just one other child at a time, each with their own toys, or to toss a ball back and forth (which he obvoiusly can't do alone). While my daughter did not act out when she started school, she did tend to stay on the sidelines, but the teachers proactively encouraged her to get involved in a way that was not threatening to her. It was just a matter of weeks before she became more engaged and started making friends at school. Good luck with whatever you decide. I know how hard it must be to hear that your child is having a rough time of it - school at that age should be a fun experience but he may just need some extra help to make it fun for him. |
Anonymous
get him socialized as much as possible with other children. maybe pick children who are not so intimidating for him to begin with and then see if he feels more comfortable. the more he is around other children he will become used to it. honestly, i am no expert, but i can pretty much bet that by the time he is going to school next year, this will be a non issue, as he'll probably outgrow this. that said, i would socialize him but do it with kids he feels comfortable with so he gets his self esteem up. i notice when my son feels left out or ignored by other children, he starts to taunt them to get their attention ie: steal their ball, take their toys, etc... anything for them to include him and pay attention to him. heartbreaking to watch but thankfully doesn't happen too much as it mostly happens with boys 1-2 years older than him. he can hold his own with other ages. good luck! oh another thing which will REALLY help, set up playdates with 1 or 2 kids from his class at a time so he has kids in his class that become his "friends." this will help. |
Anonymous
same poster here...i didn't mean that you should exclude other kids, i mean set up playgroups that are small in size, so that he is not overwhelmed. maybe even start with one other child at a time. |
Anonymous
|
I agree completely with the PP who said things might be easier if he attended school more often. I've noticed in my kids' school that the children who are there 5 days seem to have much less trouble adjusting than the kids who are there 2-3 days. Kids love routines, and having no continuity to your days (one day at home, one day at school, all week long) can be tough for some kids to handle.
Also, you may want to try getting there early so your son is one of the first people there. My DD also would push at kids who came running up to greet her because they got in her space before she was settled in and ready for them, but we noticed this was worse when we arrived and lots of other kids were already there. If we got there earlier, there were very few kids around and she had more "space" to get acclimated. Once she warmed up, she was fine. All kids are going to have a hard time sharing toys, and will be aggressive about protecting them, but that's part of going to school and being socialized. Your son is probably an introvert and his seeming aggression to kids approaching him is just his way of protecting his personal space. There is nothing wrong with this at all, and it doesn't mean he is antisocial. I'd continue to work with the school on encouraging him to respond in better ways, or keep other kids away from him when he first arrives. He should outgrow this in the next year as he gets more verbal and able to speak up for himself. |