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Breaking the Co-Sleeping Habit
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amma_mama
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| So, I have been co-sleeping with my daughter, now 3.5 yo, since she was about 15 months. Nothing we planned, but this is where we ended up...Any advice on how to break the habit (both mine and hers!) at this point? After snuggling with hubby at night, I sleep in her room with her, so no opportunity to make a big deal about a "big girl's bed", etc. I imagine that we will just have to suck it up and do it, "cold turkey", and accept that we will have a week or so of REALLY bad nights, going in and out to reassure her and get her back to sleep. She is a pretty good sleeper but often cuddles up next to me in the wee hours of the morning (i.e. before daylight) so she will surely notice that I am not there before the night is over. I usually try to make sure that the has a teddy bear or other stuffed animal to clutch as she falls asleep, but she rolls over after a while and rarely searches for it in the night (perhaps because she knows that I am there). I am thinking of taking some time off work (or doing half days in the afternoon) so that I can get some sleep and function, but of course could only really do that for, say, a long 4-day weekend...Any other suggestions to smooth the path to independent sleep at this age? I would also appreciate feedback on how long it took to do the transition once you started. |
Anonymous
| bump...apologies, would not usually bump, but giving it another try, hoping for at least couple of responses... |
Anonymous
| No suggestions, but I feel your pain. Our 22 month old joins in bed every night. Sometimes it is as early as 9pm and sometimes as late as 2:30am. We tried transitioning, and it went well for 6 weeks - but then we got tired (and lazy) and he ended up in our bed again. |
Anonymous
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No personal experience but here are some thoughts.
You could try by talking to her how mommy needs to sleep in her bed now. And for a few nights not sleep in bed with her but rather at the foot of the bed. That way she knows you're there and then after a few more nights tell her that you are going to be in your bed.. Just so that you ease her. I also think you need to first determine if she needs to be eased. If she has the kind of personality that would do better with that. If not.. then you can do it cold turkey and if you find her getting out of her bed to come be with you or get you.. You can make a reward chart for each night she sleeps the whole without you she gets a sticker and x number of stickers= a very special afternoon/morning/day time for the two of you only. |
Anonymous
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My best friend went through this with her daughter just after she turned 3...you really do have to do it cold turkey. Their daughter had been in mom and dad's bed, so the big girl bed thing was part of it--maybe go pick out some new bedding or a new stuffed animal?
For them, it helped to leave their daughter's door open so she could hear her parents, but for some kids this would keep them from ever going to sleep. I think the crying stopped in only a few days, but it was rough. I don't know, I think it's a good idea to accept that it will be tough for a week and plan accordingly. Does she fall asleep with you in the bed? Supernanny does the thing where you sit next to the bed, then by the door, then outside the door as they go to sleep. And when putting them back to bed, you say something to them the first couple times, but after that just put them back without saying a word. |
Anonymous
| My ds is only 13 months, but we are co-sleeping. We have decided to hold off moving him until he has some language skills, which a three year old definitely has. I'd look at it like potty training - get new sheets, get her to lay in her bed during the day with stories read to her and lots of hugs and kisses, maybe find some story books where a child goes to sleep in a big bed. Then pick a day for her "big girl bed" celebration and that night, go cold turkey. Good luck, please post an update after your success to guide those of us with younger kids. |
amma_mama
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|
Thanks all. I think that we shall try a cold, or "cool", turkey approach, i.e. if she cries in the night, I will go into comfort her back to sleep but will return to the big folks bed. Part of me asks myself why wouldn't/shouldn't our daughter have the warm safety of mommy around at night - most of us would rather have somebody to cuddle with at night and why should it be so different for a 3yo? Of course, all the while, DH is solo most of the night (though, admittedly, he is a light sleeper and probably does better without me there snoring).
Perhaps we shall try the new sheets, since she only has drab, adult-style sheets - gotta put her obsession with Dora and/or or Spiderman to good use! We did try the cold turkey thing a few months ago, but she got sick and so I caved and never tried again. She did OK for a few nights, so I guess it is time to just take the plunge. My DH is actually out of town for the next couple of weeks so need to decide whether to start now or wait til Daddy returns. On the one hand, it will be one less adult to cope with a sleepless night. On the other, I don't have "backup" at the end of a long day if I just can't stay awake any longer. I would give it a try this weekend but our heat went on the blink and I can't get it fixed until Monday so huddling/cuddling in a single room at night is not such a bad idea... Will keep you all posted... |
Anonymous
| No actual experience, but a friend of mine said that she gave stickers on a board for every night with sleeping alone (she did the same thing for potty training). She also said that giving some M&M's helped! I think she did 5 M&Ms for every night alone or sit on potty. |
Anonymous
| Try Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers." It has a huge range of options. Going "cold turkey" might work for one family but not another, so you may want to have more possible routes to explore. I can't imagine how one keeps the child in bed or in her room if you take the cold turkey approach. |
amma_mama
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| Thanks PP (and all the others). I am also concerned about keeping her in her room at night, which is why I am thinking "cool" rather than "cold" turkey - perhaps the book you suggest will give some practical tips on this...I am heading to the Amazon link after this to order it. I am just hoping that, with a "cool" turkey approach (i.e. I come in to comfort her back to sleep), she will have the confidence that, though I am not in the same room with her, I will always comes if she needs me in the middle of the night. I am also thinking I will wait until a week or so after DH gets back (so I have support and so that she does not associate my "moving out" with Daddy's return, and, lastly, hopefully the book will have arrived as I am overseas). |
Anonymous
Do make sure you get the one that has "toddlers and preschoolers" in the title. The original "No-Cry Sleep Solution" is for infants. Best of luck, OP! |
Anonymous
| I am in the same boat as you OP. Please do keep us posted about any progress - I'm considering doing some sort of cool turkey method as well. I think they call it the sleep-lady shuffle. |