How to teach flexibility/cooperation when playing with others
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Anonymous
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My 5.5yo DD can be very stubborn and usually wants things to be done exactly her way. We’ve had some issues lately when she is playing with friends and they aren’t “playing the right way” - I.e. doing exactly what she wants.
For example, this afternoon a kid from her class came over and they were playing nicely for 30 mins. They decided they were going to play family and they were both moms with babies. As they were playing I could hear DD becoming increasingly frustrated that the “story” wasn’t right. The friend was just going with the flow and making things up as she went, and DD wanted them to be going to a birthday party and must have had something specific in her mind. She ended up coming to me crying and saying she doesn’t want to play with the friend anymore, doesn’t like playing with her, etc. Part of the problem is that DD didn’t really articulate what she wanted the friend to do exactly so how was she supposed to know? Although at one point DD was telling her what her doll should say and the friend didn’t want to follow perfectly. Second, playing is a two way street so she needs to be more flexible. She does this same thing when DH and I play with her too and we probably oblige her more than we should by following her directions. Does anyone else have a child like this? What is the best way to teach flexibility when playing with others? Or do we just let her navigate with friends on her own? |
Anonymous
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Whenever my dd said something like this, I would just tell her that her friends get to play their ideas too and sometimes she needs to go along with them just like sometimes they go along with her.
And yes, definitely don't let her be your puppeteer when you are playing together - it's a great opportunity for her to manage mini frustrations and trading off with others having their way too. |
Anonymous
| When you play with her you have to play like a kid, do not go along with everything. Every once in a while my son will actually ask to be in charge, saying he had to do things the other kids wanted to do al day. In those instances, I admit, I cave and let him lead all the way. But I remind him that when playing with others, he needs to learn to be flexible. Even with this, he did struggle for awhile, the other kids did not play with him, so he learned to adjust. |
froggymom
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| She is at an age where she is just learning the social skill of playing and getting along with others. When you play with her ,you might model how you want her to play with others and include their ideas. You can remind her gently during her play period with other children the things she learned while playing with you and your husband. She will get it. There is always another stage to get through with children. |
Anonymous
| practice play, take turns in making up game rules, let her lose sometimes, see how she reacts, you lose sometimes and show her to properly react, sometimes you might need to voice that you lost but you are ok and you can try and play the game again and just have fun. |
Anonymous
| Frame it as taking turns. When you're playing with friends, each person should get a chance to decide what/how to play. And compromise--do part of what they want and part of what you want. Look for ways to combine. And sometimes, when you have a guest, you just go along with what they want. |