Is this depression?
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Anonymous
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For about three or six months, I wonder if I have started suffering from depression. But I dont feel sad, so I am not sure?
I am in my mid-forties. I have a C-level job, which has had increasing responsibilities and longer and longer required work hours for the past few years. Now I work way too many hours and I am exhausted. The pay is really high, and I can't afford to quit because I have college bills to pay and many years of medical bills that have mounted. We do not live an extravagant life. I have three older kids (2 in college and one in high school). My middle kid has a chronic illness which is incredibly stressful (and has been for the past 12 years). I feel like I wake up, work like mad, come home and do it all again. In between, I am cleaning the house and dealing with kid stuff, mostly my ill child. I am not sad- I just feel worn out. SO worn out. I feel like, numb...exhausted and just numb. I feel like a zombie, and I noticed that at home, I barely talk...I just sort of...exist. At night, I have trouble sleeping. I fall asleep, but I wake up at 2, 3, 4 am, worrying about my kid and running through work things that have to be done or work problems that need to be solved. My marriage is not in a horrible place, but again, I feel like numb toward it as well. Is this what depression feels like? Or am I just tired? |
Anonymous
| Depression can definitely present this way OP. |
Anonymous
| MAybe depression, maybe your age (perimenopause). I don't think we're built to work so much for so long. I wish you the best. |
Anonymous
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This sounds like depression to me. But your load is also too
much. Can you cut some corners with the housework or maybe get help? It is worth it, even if it costs money. And please go see a therapist or psychologist. It doesn’t need to be this way! |
Anonymous
| You need some self-care. Even if just a weekly yoga session or a walk through nature. Something unhurried. Can you go out and just sit at lunch? Outside? Please take care of yourself too Mama. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like too much on your plate. Hire someone to help with your house and your teen. Maybe you can get someone to come in for 2 hours a day x 5 days, so 10 hours per week. At $15-$20/hour that would be $200/week- so not a ton of money for a C level income. Have them do clean up, meal prep, run errands, whatever you need done.... Try to use some of the time for relaxation/self care (not more work).
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Anonymous
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Not a doctor but this is what I do.
Take melatonin and Valerian as soon as you get home. Go to bed, no electronics in room. Shut eyes and relax. Count backwards from 100. Until you get sleep, it's hard to know if it's depression or lack of sleep. |
Anonymous
| May I ask what chronic disease your son has? |
Anonymous
+1 That reminds me of how I felt with PPD. Exhausted, numb, stopped smiling basically. Getting treated felt like seeing the world in color again. |
Bella_lee
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| So sorry to read what you are going through, you certainly have a lot to deal with. I think you need to slow down for your own sake and seek professional advice and help. Your son and the rest of your family needs a whole and healthy Mom long term. Wish you all the best |
Anonymous
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Wow OP, hats off to you. Dealing with a child with a chronic illness is a full-time job for many of us and you manage to have a C level job on top of it. Before you decide you are depressed, I agree with getting decent sleep first and see if that helps. It is may be trial and error but you have some sleep retraining to do and your age and the waking up is probably partly peri/menopausal which makes it harder.
Here are things that have worked for me and hopefully others will chime in. Go to bed at 11 pm to sleep past the typical time I wake up 3 am. I sleep right through it and get up refreshed at 5 or 6 am. Take magnesium malate-1 cap, very gentle or melatonin with same from Costco-1 cap, or 1 Benadryl (especially if allergies are kicking up). All help with sleep. Listen to a relaxation meditation- youtube has many or the Calm app is good. My sister swears by these youtube videos where someone tells a sleep story in a steady voice. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I immediately started thinking through things I'm grateful for - usually I fall asleep in 5-10 minutes. Also, if you aren't able to get regular exercise of some sort, download a 7 minute app and do that each morning to get endorphins/energy going. Hope these help. If you still feel out of sorts and are getting more sleep, consider depression. |