8 yo son spat a dinner tonight
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Anonymous
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We were at a friend's house, having what I thought was a perfectly fun time. Probably a touch too much fun (?!) because my son who loves to be "funny" first pretend barfed and then spat water over the host's table.
He's never done this before and I understand he was getting excited. I was sad for him (and his friend) but I did regretfully feel embarrassed and unhappy and we excused ourselves. Plus, I wanted a natural consequence to help him understand the limits of humor. Luckily our friends were not upset about their table or his rude behavior, so I know this could have been much much worse. I'm curious what others with boys this age think? How do you help your kids learn the limits and boundaries of politeness? He seems like a line tester for sure and of course he did this thinking he was "funny," which is often when he makes his worst decisions. |
Anonymous
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I'd have handed him a napkin and said "You can use this to wipe that all up before apologizing." Then as soon as he finished I'd have said, "Excuse us for a moment please. Jack?" and walked him into another room and said "Anything but words coming out of your mouth is taking the fun too far. Calm the hell down, NOW. If you're not sure if something would be going too far, it's safest to assume it would be."
THen we'd have walked back in and acted like nothing happened. |
Anonymous
| I e got two sons, one is a rule follower and would never even think to do such a thing. The other sounds make re like your son and I could see him taking things too far like this if I were not around. However, I can t low gen he's getting too riled up and pushing limits and I can nip him in the bud usually. Does he exhibit signs when he's going too far? My son has this particular laugh - it's actually very infectious but I know it means trouble and I start telling him to calm himself down when I hear it in public. I don't know how much time was between the pretend barfing and the water but that pretend barging would have been a huge signal that I need to threaten to leave (prepared to back it up if he doesn't get himself under control). He's way better now at 7 than he was at 4 and I have faith that as he gains more experience on how to act when it's just a bunch of kids for a laugh vs adults, he will continue to improve. Sorry that happened, glad your friends took it in stride. |
Anonymous
| Sorry for the typos, was trying to say that I know the signs of him getting riled up. |
Anonymous
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He did something totally disgusting and needs to know it is not OK. You need to correct it. Leaving is fine (if that is what you meant). Telling him it was inappropriate, making him apologize and then reiterating what went wrong later is fine. What is not OK is handling this as "oh boys will be boys." Yes, boys and girls get riled up and make stupid decisions. But as parents it is our role to explain to them when they crossed the line. And to make sure they know that it is not OK. |
Anonymous
This. I like you pp. we parent similarly |
Anonymous
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I have a son like that.
We put him in improv classes.o |
Anonymous
| I would have him write an apology note to the hosts, even if they didn't mind. |
Anonymous
| I have a friend with a 4yo I can see doing this. He thinks hes being funny all the time and she keeps telling him its ok to be silly. Last week it was in a swim lesson. he was making loud noises and splashing the instructor in the face " being funny". Its not funny and I can see him being like your kid in a few more years. |
Anonymous
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Kids at 8 can still get very wound up and impulsive so really stupid and rude things without thinking.
The concern for me would be if he didn't immediately realize after spitting that he had done something really, really wrong. If he immediately realized he had gone way too far and gotten embarrassed, quiet then taking him aside, cleaning up, apologizing and a good scolding and being really disappointed in his actions would be an appropriate response. If he didn't clue in and really thought that barf noises and spitting at a hosts table were funny, then he has bigger behavior problems / poor boundaries etc and is likely to continue to act this way |
froggymom
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| Children don't always act appropriately, or the way we thing they have been taught. The important thing is that you corrected it right away. A firm but loving correction , I think is best. Make sure he understands why his behavior was offensive and embarrassing. If the behavior continues, you might need to put in place some more stringent consequences. |
Anonymous
| Boys tend to show off more around their friends. Hopefully he learned a lesson. |
Anonymous
Excellent advice but don't be surprised if your host never invites you back. I wouldn't. |
Anonymous
| Wow, as a host I would have been more upset that an adult chose to have the family leave a dinner that I worked to prepare and host than the 8 year old kid's inappropriate behavior. I agree with speaking to the kid, making him clean it up, and making him apologize. Then tell him he will have a consequence/punishment at home. |