In a lonely marriage looking for friends
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Anonymous
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I am a guy who has been married for 11 years. We have two beautiful boys (ages 5 and 7). I am pretty committed to them so is my wife. We pretty much do not talk about personal stuff, only kids or home related stuff. Very little sex and it is only when I initiate it (or beg for it). After the kids go to bed, I go to one room and she goes to another one. We still sleep together but she comes to bed when I am already asleep. I am considering divorce, but have not come to terms of not seeing my boys every night.
I work really hard and travel a lot. This means my social life is non-existent. I would like to start having friends so I can star envision a life outside marriage. I have looked online but many of the sites seems to be designed to find a romantic relationship or for guys in search of sex. Does somebody know about a legit site to start looking for somebody to talk? Thanks! |
Anonymous
| You are ignoring what's going on in your home life. You need to try to address these issues with your wife. If you don't have a social life now, you will be even more lonely when you divorce. |
Anonymous
| (Hugs). Your post made me sad, OP. |
Anonymous
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I agree with 20:18; this is not good but possibly fixable, OP!
My DH has (guy) two friends from elementary school, a good friend from law school, his brother...those friends are in other cities so he keeps up by playing computer games with them(where you are chatting at the same time). He has a couple of guy aquaintences at the office but that's lunchtime only. Really, where he gets the in-person contact is with other dads--classmates' dads from school, or dads in our kids' sports. The sports friends picks up as they get older, but you should know some of the dads in their classes by now. It only takes one. You would get to know them first not just you+he, but you and your kid + him and his kid (playdate). Your kids are at a great age for this because playdates at this age are still supervised. I'd work it from that angle, before they get old enough that one parent only supervises, and then when even older the playdates become "hangouts" where one kid comes over and they might walk to town or something. Another option is the whole family comes over, but not sure if that's do-able given the dynamics you've described. But your best bet is to find guys through your family members. |
Anonymous
| Do you play any sports? My husband met a few of his friends through league basketball and tennis meet ups. |
Anonymous
| Try look for groups on meetup.com with similar interests as you. |
Anonymous
We have spoken and tried to solve this multiple time with no success. I am tired of trying. I need to start building my social life and that will be my key purpose for the next 2 months. |
Anonymous
This is good advice, thanks! |
Anonymous
Don't work so hard. |
Anonymous
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I would echo the suggestions from the previous posters. Sports, like tennis or soccer, parents of your kids friends, driving sports carpools where there are other dads in the carpool, college alumni, meetup group around an interest, pursuing your hobby, and maybe co-workers. I also know people in sport ticket pools, like Nats baseball or Terps basketball so you get to socialize somewhat regularly and usually it's co-workers or people pulling in friends.
The challenge will be if you travel and work a lot, it will be hard to find the time to spend enough time to develop new friendships plus keep up on the commitments with your kids. The two most convenient things will be friendships with other parents assuming you are bringing your kids to activities on the weekend or reconnecting with someone you already know like high school, college, or former coworkers you knew really well. |
Anonymous
| OP, PP have good ideas and also maybe set play dates for your kids and get to know the other parents, fathers. |
Anonymous
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You mention nothing about whether you love your wife. Have you tried initiating something to increase intimacy outside of the bedroom? Seems she's learned she needs to occupy her time without you. Maybe she's waiting for you to engage with her. If you're working/traveling so much, maybe she's giving you space to unwind. I suspect that the issues you have with your wife will be issues you will have developing meaningful friendships outside of it, let alone romantic relationships. Maybe she feels that the only things you see in her are motherhood and sex -- and may be some HHI. Not exactly the way to turn her on. You're probably unintentionally turning her off.
Good luck. |
Anonymous
don't be un-American. |
CapsSwede
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Hi,
I would second meetup.com It is pretty cool and you can find pretty much anything that would relate to your interest. Give it a try, |
Anonymous
Don't travel so much. |