My husband's driving terrifies me
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| He constantly tailgates and is very aggressive. He gets frustrated with other drivers and let's it bother him. We are planning a trip next week. And I am so not looking forward to it. If I ask him to slow down or stop tailgating he just gets upset with me. Any suggestions on what I should do to make that ride or enjoyable. |
Anonymous
| Why don't you drive? I hate DHs driving so when I'm not in the mood for it, I drive. |
Anonymous
| I would if I could but he won't let me drive. He insists on driving. |
Anonymous
|
Talk to him about it a few days before you leave.
I really don't understand, "he won't let me drive." You are a grown woman. |
Anonymous
| My DH's driving terrifies me too, so I drive everywhere. |
Anonymous
| I'm the more aggressive/fast driver in our family and it makes DH uncomfortable. I grew up on in the north east amongst much more aggressive drivers, he's a northwest, hippie dippie slow poke driver. He also hates driving generally so I'm almost always the one to drive us everywhere. What didn't work well to get me to drive slower and more cautiously was him getting grumpy at me in the moment while I was driving. What did work to get me to not drive like an asshat was him talking to me when we weren't in the car and letting me know that my driving makes him uncomfortable. Since I wasn't driving at that moment, I didn't feel as defensive about it. Then, when we're in the car and I start driving like a jackass again, he just gently reminds me I'm making him uncomfortable. I'll never drive as slow as he'd like me to but I try not to terrify the guy now |
j2415
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
Hi, maybe you can tell stories while you’re husband is driving, that way he will enjoy and not so focus on the negative things on the road. That’s what I do when my husband is driving and it helps a lot especially if it’s long drive, I tell him stories while the radio is on, we sing together while he’s driving, you might want to try them because it worked for us, it might work for you too.
God bless your trip. Praying for protection and you will have fun. |
Anonymous
|
You need to talk to him, calmly and without judgment, ahead of the trip. When you're in the middle of driving and bring it up, it's too high-tension and he's already feeling aggressive.
Use lots of "I" statements, don't say "you do this." Something like "I get really nervous when we're close to other cars in traffic or going above the speed limit, and it's hard for me to relax and enjoy our trip." My husband personally responds well to something like "It would really mean a lot to me if you'd be a bit more conservative, just to indulge me. You're a great driver and I appreciate that you've always gotten us there safely, and I would enjoy the trip even more if I didn't feel nervous in the car." It irritates me sometimes to have to protect his ego and be careful when phrasing requests (my natural style is much more direct/demanding), but it is what works and puts his brain into "take care of my wife" instead of "argue with my wife" mode. I'd rather be happy than right, so I do it. |
Anonymous
|
Good advice above (it IS annoying to phrase things so they won't get all huffy!).
Also, show him how it's done. After a particularly harrowing drive of his, I take the wheel, comment on what's happening and what I'm doing to anticipate and stay calm. I'm coaching him. It's decreased his bad driving significantly. Most of the time it's an anticipation issue, which is related to powers of attention/observation and emotional regulation. Men with ADHD are particularly prone to road rage, since they can't do any of these things. |