Narcissistic husband

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[Post New]03/05/2017 17:35
quote
Anonymous
NPD and BPD are often accompanied by a drug, alcohol, or sex addiction. And no, they never get cured but there is at least one drug treatment for BPD.
[Post New]03/05/2017 18:25
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He didn't suddenly become a narcissist after you married him. Why was his narcissism acceptable when you were dating but not now?


Not OP.

Actually my H did change, there are reasons I could explain but it is long and complicated.

But not everybody who is a narcissist was born a narcissistic person.

You do know that's mental disorders present in their late 20's early 30's right?


In fact, NPD usually manifests in late adolescence and decreases in intensity with age. What really changed was YOUR PERCEPTIONS of him. You, the wife, became less tolerant of him over time. This is not unexpected - spouses become less tolerant of each other's foibles even when the spouse does not have a mental disorder.
[Post New]03/05/2017 18:43
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He didn't suddenly become a narcissist after you married him. Why was his narcissism acceptable when you were dating but not now?


Not OP.

Actually my H did change, there are reasons I could explain but it is long and complicated.

But not everybody who is a narcissist was born a narcissistic person.

You do know that's mental disorders present in their late 20's early 30's right?


In fact, NPD usually manifests in late adolescence and decreases in intensity with age. What really changed was YOUR PERCEPTIONS of him. You, the wife, became less tolerant of him over time. This is not unexpected - spouses become less tolerant of each other's foibles even when the spouse does not have a mental disorder.


No. What actually happened was he had complex PTSD and he started having flashbacks when our child turned 5.
[Post New]03/05/2017 19:12
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He didn't suddenly become a narcissist after you married him. Why was his narcissism acceptable when you were dating but not now?


Not OP.

Actually my H did change, there are reasons I could explain but it is long and complicated.

But not everybody who is a narcissist was born a narcissistic person.

You do know that's mental disorders present in their late 20's early 30's right?


In fact, NPD usually manifests in late adolescence and decreases in intensity with age. What really changed was YOUR PERCEPTIONS of him. You, the wife, became less tolerant of him over time. This is not unexpected - spouses become less tolerant of each other's foibles even when the spouse does not have a mental disorder.


No. What actually happened was he had complex PTSD and he started having flashbacks when our child turned 5.


I've never heard of cPTSD and NPD being linked. In fact, they're basically opposite ends of the spectrum. cPTSD has as part of it's suite of crap the fear of abandonment (thus often misunderstood as BPD). cPTSDs almost always have insecure attachment, which is completely inconsistent with NPD.
[Post New]03/06/2017 11:34
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He didn't suddenly become a narcissist after you married him. Why was his narcissism acceptable when you were dating but not now?


Not OP.

Actually my H did change, there are reasons I could explain but it is long and complicated.

But not everybody who is a narcissist was born a narcissistic person.

You do know that's mental disorders present in their late 20's early 30's right?


In fact, NPD usually manifests in late adolescence and decreases in intensity with age. What really changed was YOUR PERCEPTIONS of him. You, the wife, became less tolerant of him over time. This is not unexpected - spouses become less tolerant of each other's foibles even when the spouse does not have a mental disorder.


No. What actually happened was he had complex PTSD and he started having flashbacks when our child turned 5.


I've never heard of cPTSD and NPD being linked. In fact, they're basically opposite ends of the spectrum. cPTSD has as part of it's suite of crap the fear of abandonment (thus often misunderstood as BPD). cPTSDs almost always have insecure attachment, which is completely inconsistent with NPD.


Yes. BPD. I suggested above that OP should see if her H actually has BPD. 2 therapist thought my H had NPD, and he fit a lot of the criteria... anger outbursts, required constant admiration, expected to be recognized as superior, unwilling to recognize the needs of others, envy others, etc.

Eventually my therapist and the family therapist mentioned trauma. I did research on trauma and got him (at the age of 50) to finally admit he had experienced trauma. Finally we found a trauma therapist and he is doing DBT.

I think OP should look into that.

Most men won't admit to trauma or admit it affects them... they think they "have it under control"... and he did, until the flashbacks started and his life spiraled out of control.

Before, like most trauma victims, he was extremely affectionate, loving and caring... of course I did not recognize that as insecure attachment since he trusted me and never freaked out if I spent time away.
[Post New]03/06/2017 11:42
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Is there some connection to genital herpes? Seriously.


NPD and BPD both sometimes express themselves with promiscuity, among other things. I really dislike the 'sex addiction' framing, but for sure, these are people who often have a lot of impulsive sex. My guess is that's the link to HSV-II (and other STIs).
[Post New]03/06/2017 13:21
quote
Guerita32
Member Offline
This is a really good article: https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/08/24/divorcing-a-narcissist/?_r=1
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