Anonymous wrote:I know a girl that is about to marry a very bad man. I know him but I don't really know her. He is ever the narcissist and has been lying to her horribly. Every time I here him brag about how he has her wrapped around his finger and how he is going to get her to do this and that and how he hasn't told her about the financial bind he is in and needs her money so he can fix it and spend more money, I just want to scream. She doesn't know about the money situation, she doesn't know about the speeding tickets, she doesn't know about so many things I can't list them all. She is very nice but naive and has no clue what she is getting into and she has a child. Do I make an attempt to say something or just mind my business and watch this train wreck happen? Do other women have some obligation to other women to give them a heads up or do I just let the chips fall where they may. They are both in late 30's

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Anonymous wrote:What country does she reside? Why is a girl getting married? There are bigger issues here.....

This is on the east coast of the US. Yeah there are lots of issues..he has painted picture of perfection that she is walking into. He is very charming and very good looking but he literally hits everyone of these points in this article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

I suggest you contact child services. A girl should not be marrying a man, absent her being emancipated.

Stated earlier, both are in late 30's not a 'girl'

First line of thread: "I know a girl that is about to marry a very bad man."

Anonymous wrote:Either use FB or like med in or snail.mail. say you would want to k ow theses things yourself, give her info so she can make her own conclusions. Make it clear you are acquainted not former lover etc.

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Unless you are in danger if you speak up... please tell her!!!

(How is this even a question?)

I don't know her, I have met her once. How do I even do that, why would she believe me?

Talk to her alone, when you are sure he want walk in and stop you, tell her everything you know. If there's something that she can easily confirm for herself, tell her to look into it but if she doesn't believe you don't lose any sleep, you did your part. Not saying anything in this situation would not be okay imo, especially with a child involved.

He will never let that happen. Also she lives in another state and comes to visit occasionally and he goes there. He makes it a state secret when she is in town so no one gets any alone time with her. Me and other co-worker had wanted to take her to dinner and drinks and chat when she was down here one time but he was having no part of that. Co-worker tried to give her her card to contact her and he got it from her and co-worker hasn't heard from her. Only way I can have chat with her may be on FB cause he isn't on FB but I am not linked with her. He isn't my boss but if he finds out I butted in, he could make work difficult.

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Anonymous wrote:Either use FB or like med in or snail.mail. say you would want to k ow theses things yourself, give her info so she can make her own conclusions. Make it clear you are acquainted not former lover etc.

OP here - I think I will try and figure out a way to tell her anonymously. Even if I have to make fake FB profile and contact her via that. I would spend my time feeling to guilty if I don't. You make a good point about stressing that not former lover or woman scorned looking for revenge. Just one chick trying to help out another chick

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Anonymous wrote:Either use FB or like med in or snail.mail. say you would want to k ow theses things yourself, give her info so she can make her own conclusions. Make it clear you are acquainted not former lover etc.

OP here - I think I will try and figure out a way to tell her anonymously. Even if I have to make fake FB profile and contact her via that. I would spend my time feeling to guilty if I don't. You make a good point about stressing that not former lover or woman scorned looking for revenge. Just one chick trying to help out another chick

OP, please come back later and tell us what you did in the end, and whether it changed anything. I have read the thread and am frankly concerned for you as well as for this woman. In your position I would want to tell her what I knew, too, but it sounds as if this jerk could trace it to you (you mention that he seems to want to brag about his jerkishness to someone and that it's often you) and that he could make life hell for you at work. If you are in a position where you cannot risk your income, please proceed very carefully. Narcissistic users like him have NO problem victimizing co-workers if they feel those co-workers have betrayed them. I am not saying to stay silent -- I do agree that this woman needs a heads-up (whether she listens to it or not) but if you identify yourself to her, there is every chance that she will run and tell him all about it, especially if she believes all his lies. Send her a letter or hand her a note with your number on it and you may find him coming after you professionally, and fast. A fake FB profile might work but I don't use FB so am not sure; however, just be sure you are untraceable.

Please update us. I agree that you should warn her; I'm just worried that it will be too easy to trace back to you, and since you do not really know her, there is no guarantee that she will not just spill it all right back to him and tell him some coworker of his is telling her X and Y about him.

Anonymous wrote:I know a girl that is about to marry a very bad man. I know him but I don't really know her. He is ever the narcissist and has been lying to her horribly. Every time I here him brag about how he has her wrapped around his finger and how he is going to get her to do this and that and how he hasn't told her about the financial bind he is in and needs her money so he can fix it and spend more money, I just want to scream. She doesn't know about the money situation, she doesn't know about the speeding tickets, she doesn't know about so many things I can't list them all. She is very nice but naive and has no clue what she is getting into and she has a child. Do I make an attempt to say something or just mind my business and watch this train wreck happen? Do other women have some obligation to other women to give them a heads up or do I just let the chips fall where they may. They are both in late 30's

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either use FB or like med in or snail.mail. say you would want to k ow theses things yourself, give her info so she can make her own conclusions. Make it clear you are acquainted not former lover etc.

OP here - I think I will try and figure out a way to tell her anonymously. Even if I have to make fake FB profile and contact her via that. I would spend my time feeling to guilty if I don't. You make a good point about stressing that not former lover or woman scorned looking for revenge. Just one chick trying to help out another chick

OP, please come back later and tell us what you did in the end, and whether it changed anything. I have read the thread and am frankly concerned for you as well as for this woman. In your position I would want to tell her what I knew, too, but it sounds as if this jerk could trace it to you (you mention that he seems to want to brag about his jerkishness to someone and that it's often you) and that he could make life hell for you at work. If you are in a position where you cannot risk your income, please proceed very carefully. Narcissistic users like him have NO problem victimizing co-workers if they feel those co-workers have betrayed them. I am not saying to stay silent -- I do agree that this woman needs a heads-up (whether she listens to it or not) but if you identify yourself to her, there is every chance that she will run and tell him all about it, especially if she believes all his lies. Send her a letter or hand her a note with your number on it and you may find him coming after you professionally, and fast. A fake FB profile might work but I don't use FB so am not sure; however, just be sure you are untraceable.

Please update us. I agree that you should warn her; I'm just worried that it will be too easy to trace back to you, and since you do not really know her, there is no guarantee that she will not just spill it all right back to him and tell him some coworker of his is telling her X and Y about him.

OP here - I will update on here to let you know what happened. Just had a friend recommend that I type up a note on plain white paper. List the things that she should know about. Not to much detail but just enough for her to question something's like "Do you really know all the details around that ticket he got 2 weeks ago?" That ticket will be listed in his state as him having gotten and public record. "Ask his son how he disciplines him when he isn't around". He has told several other people about the inappropriate way he disciplines his son so that is common knowledge. They said they would help me go over the letter to make sure it doesn't give me away. They are traveling out of the country in a week and will mail it from there. This could work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either use FB or like med in or snail.mail. say you would want to k ow theses things yourself, give her info so she can make her own conclusions. Make it clear you are acquainted not former lover etc.

OP here - I think I will try and figure out a way to tell her anonymously. Even if I have to make fake FB profile and contact her via that. I would spend my time feeling to guilty if I don't. You make a good point about stressing that not former lover or woman scorned looking for revenge. Just one chick trying to help out another chick

OP, please come back later and tell us what you did in the end, and whether it changed anything. I have read the thread and am frankly concerned for you as well as for this woman. In your position I would want to tell her what I knew, too, but it sounds as if this jerk could trace it to you (you mention that he seems to want to brag about his jerkishness to someone and that it's often you) and that he could make life hell for you at work. If you are in a position where you cannot risk your income, please proceed very carefully. Narcissistic users like him have NO problem victimizing co-workers if they feel those co-workers have betrayed them. I am not saying to stay silent -- I do agree that this woman needs a heads-up (whether she listens to it or not) but if you identify yourself to her, there is every chance that she will run and tell him all about it, especially if she believes all his lies. Send her a letter or hand her a note with your number on it and you may find him coming after you professionally, and fast. A fake FB profile might work but I don't use FB so am not sure; however, just be sure you are untraceable.

Please update us. I agree that you should warn her; I'm just worried that it will be too easy to trace back to you, and since you do not really know her, there is no guarantee that she will not just spill it all right back to him and tell him some coworker of his is telling her X and Y about him.

OP here - I will update on here to let you know what happened. Just had a friend recommend that I type up a note on plain white paper. List the things that she should know about. Not to much detail but just enough for her to question something's like "Do you really know all the details around that ticket he got 2 weeks ago?" That ticket will be listed in his state as him having gotten and public record. "Ask his son how he disciplines him when he isn't around". He has told several other people about the inappropriate way he disciplines his son so that is common knowledge. They said they would help me go over the letter to make sure it doesn't give me away. They are traveling out of the country in a week and will mail it from there. This could work.

I think these examples are too nonspecific. Instead of saying 'ask about' say 'he said this but he did this'. Being specific will help her rule out if it is bs or not... I'm picturing myself getting a weird nonspecific international letter that knew a bit and not a lot... and I would be possibly ignore it, but more probably I'd be amused and bring it up with dh laughing... saying 'isn't this crazy...' thing is, if she does this, I think he will be able to play off that it is a letter full of crazy from some stranger or someone who is 'jealous of his happiness' and she will believe it. Being specific will help remove the veil a little more and she'll have more insight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either use FB or like med in or snail.mail. say you would want to k ow theses things yourself, give her info so she can make her own conclusions. Make it clear you are acquainted not former lover etc.

OP here - I think I will try and figure out a way to tell her anonymously. Even if I have to make fake FB profile and contact her via that. I would spend my time feeling to guilty if I don't. You make a good point about stressing that not former lover or woman scorned looking for revenge. Just one chick trying to help out another chick

OP, please come back later and tell us what you did in the end, and whether it changed anything. I have read the thread and am frankly concerned for you as well as for this woman. In your position I would want to tell her what I knew, too, but it sounds as if this jerk could trace it to you (you mention that he seems to want to brag about his jerkishness to someone and that it's often you) and that he could make life hell for you at work. If you are in a position where you cannot risk your income, please proceed very carefully. Narcissistic users like him have NO problem victimizing co-workers if they feel those co-workers have betrayed them. I am not saying to stay silent -- I do agree that this woman needs a heads-up (whether she listens to it or not) but if you identify yourself to her, there is every chance that she will run and tell him all about it, especially if she believes all his lies. Send her a letter or hand her a note with your number on it and you may find him coming after you professionally, and fast. A fake FB profile might work but I don't use FB so am not sure; however, just be sure you are untraceable.

Please update us. I agree that you should warn her; I'm just worried that it will be too easy to trace back to you, and since you do not really know her, there is no guarantee that she will not just spill it all right back to him and tell him some coworker of his is telling her X and Y about him.

OP here - I will update on here to let you know what happened. Just had a friend recommend that I type up a note on plain white paper. List the things that she should know about. Not to much detail but just enough for her to question something's like "Do you really know all the details around that ticket he got 2 weeks ago?" That ticket will be listed in his state as him having gotten and public record. "Ask his son how he disciplines him when he isn't around". He has told several other people about the inappropriate way he disciplines his son so that is common knowledge. They said they would help me go over the letter to make sure it doesn't give me away. They are traveling out of the country in a week and will mail it from there. This could work.

I think these examples are too nonspecific. Instead of saying 'ask about' say 'he said this but he did this'. Being specific will help her rule out if it is bs or not... I'm picturing myself getting a weird nonspecific international letter that knew a bit and not a lot... and I would be possibly ignore it, but more probably I'd be amused and bring it up with dh laughing... saying 'isn't this crazy...' thing is, if she does this, I think he will be able to play off that it is a letter full of crazy from some stranger or someone who is 'jealous of his happiness' and she will believe it. Being specific will help remove the veil a little more and she'll have more insight.

Agree