Living 50 miles apart, how can it work?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Been dating a great guy for 6 weeks. We both live in the DMV, but not close. I'm divorced and have 2 kids with me full time. He's got no kids. So far we've seen each other once a weekend, one time twice.
I don't want to intro him to kids for a long while (kids ages 13, 16). Any ideas on how to make this work? I have job flexibility to be off one day a week, and could get kids to overnight say once per month. They see their dad 2 weeks at Christmas. He and I will revisit this frequency issue soon, but any ideas? Previously I introduced kids to someone after 3 months, then we broke up and I just don't want kids to get attached again too early. I really like him and know this presents challenges. Has anyone been in a similar situation and made it work? Thank you! |
Anonymous
I drive nearly that distance every day for work. I am not sure what the issue is. If you really like this guy, logistical problems shouldn't be difficult to overcome. Sorry that I am not more helpful, but the fact remains, where there is a will, there is a way. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Meet half way or he will have to come to you. Or, give dad more visitation. |
Anonymous
|
What do you want the relationship to look like? This will work fine if you're ok with sometimes going weeks in between seeing each other since any days with the kids are out, and there are bound to be conflicts with work (his or yours) on some of your days off.
If neither of you had kids, I would say that it's not something I would ever do again, but no biggie if you don't mind the traffic. But once you add the limiting factor of kids and the time they take up, and not wanting to introduce him for awhile ... this just seems like a lot of work. HOWEVER, if he is equally busy, and willing to take it slow, then treat it more like a long-distance relationship. Then, the infrequent times together will seem like more than you'd get if he were in, say, Seattle, and when you're ready to introduce him to the kids, you can presumably look forward to more time together. |
Anonymous
|
I have done it with two guys I have dated with me bring the primary traveler. Honestly, I didn't mind because I loved them. I just had to wake up earlier for work than I would have leaving from home. However, I didn't have kids to prepare for school. Thankfully, your kids are at an age where they can pretty much get themselves ready and take care of themselves a few hours after school.
Talk with their father about staying over more often if that is feasible. In the meantime, you could try to meet your guy friend for dinner at a midpoint after work. You could always entertain your guy friend when the kids are in bed for the night. |
Anonymous
| my wife and I dated with 123 miles between us for two years before we got hitched.... that was 20 years ago... |
Anonymous
|
I think it's really hard to relate to this situation unless you're a single parent. OP, I am divorced with kids and in such a relationship. We live about 50 mi apart. He is also divorced with kids. We are primary care givers to respective kids, our ex-spouses do have some parenting time, though. We have different schedules, differently aged kids.
We've been together 2 years. We did not meet each other's kids for 1 year. I am glad we waited (for reasons mentioned by OP), but it made the first year logistically more difficult. 50 mi is not a big deal on one hand; but it is enough that it takes planning, and it's not worth a trip unless you have enough time to spend. We did not see each other enough in the first year, always wanted more. If there were work trips or kid emergencies, there were a few times that we went a few weeks. Key was that we both wanted it to work, highly attracted, great connection, lots of mutual excitement. It takes that for this to be worth it. We spoke by phone almost every day for quite a bit in the evenings before bed. Often used Skype. Good e-mails and sharing of ideas. We had every other weekend to spend with each other, maximized that. Now we've met each other's kids and the kids have met each other. The 50 miles remains annoying, but is not a deal breaker. Now it's an issue because when we think of blending families potentially, down the line, it's tough as we each have ties to our area. But it's worth it for an otherwise great situation and person. GL! |
BobRoss
Member Offline
Member Offline
+2 We live about 45 miles apart. It can get old, but you know, sometimes the fact that you have to put some extra effort into planning and driving isn't a horrible thing. We always call while the other one is driving to keep the driver company. Makes the drive a ton quicker and is a nice way to stay connected. |
Anonymous
| So there's maybe 2 or 3 million men in this area. I'd say you should try harder to find a single one who lives closer. |
Anonymous
| I think it's pretty much impossible with no visitation with dad and you (rightly) not wanting to introduce him to your kids. i don't see this turning into a long night term thing at all. You would be able to spend the night together 1x a month if you could get sleepovers arranged. You could only see each other for a quick date on the weekends if your kids were busy. |
Anonymous
|
I had a 2 year long-distance relationship with my husband with the Atlantic between us, using emails, snail mail and phone.
You can make it work, OP, if you want it both. |
Anonymous
| It's doable if you both want it badly enough, but I wouldn't do it. Not even before I became a parent. |
Anonymous
| 60 miles is nothing...alternate your locations.....he drives to your location and you drive to his..... |
Anonymous
|
Thanks for your replies. I think 14:49 understands my situation best. Wish ex could take kids more, but he is not very interested and lives 300 miles away.
New guy and I are going to have a few days uninterrupted together this weekend, and let's see how it goes. I really want to make it work, if he's willing to try too. Whatever happens I do love life and it will go on. |