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How to Get My Sexy Back
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Anonymous
| I'm in a wonderful marriage whose only flaw is a lack of compatibility in one area. I have realized that I can no longer blame my spouse for the loss of my sexual self. I used to be a very passionate person in the broadest sense. I could get turned on from reading a beautiful poem, drinking a good glass of wine, or meeting someone's eyes briefly on the subway. Now I have almost none of that glorious receptivity. Only the act itself, which occurs less than a dozen times a year, produces any deep emotion. Most of the time I feel like a disembodied presence. I want to feel sexually relevant and be erotically responsive again. For the truly sensual person a lack of physical sex is no impediment to deep enjoyment of life. How can I get back to where I once belonged? |
Anonymous
| How are you taking care of yourself? Do you still get your hair done, nails, etc.? Try wearing sexy panties (or none at all) and texting your DH about what they look like. Buy some lingerie - give you DH a fashion show. Try and set more romantic moods (even fi you're not in one). Read some dirty stories online (grasping, but it works!). Go away for the weekend. |
Anonymous
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And one more thing - instigate instigate instigate! Even if you don't want to!!!! The more you do it, the more things might start kicking back in.
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Anonymous
| These are good ideas that I have tried many times. They always led to fights and accusations of pressuring so I put the lingerie away. I do my own hair and nails. Last week I asked to break away for an hour to have my eyebrows waxed (3mo was sleeping and 3yo ending bedtime routine) and he said yes but was really pissed. DH is amazingly not sensitive to gussying up of any kind. |
Anonymous
| Oh OP, I feel the same way. I just wanted to empathize. |
zumbamama
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| Go out and do something fun and invigorating...get your blood pumping and your body moving...you will wake up that sensual energy that is longing to come out. |
Anonymous
So then is the question about getting your sexy back or your husband's? |
Anonymous
| I want to feel sexy in a way that does not depend on him. I'd like to at least look at guys the way I used to. |
Anonymous
Does DH "ask" when he can break away? It sounds like there are other problems here. |
Anonymous
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Oooh, ok. Well I misinterpreted your first post. It sounds to me that you've lost your "sexy" because your husband doesn't encourage or acknowledge it. I thought he wanted to have sex and you didn't. I would start with figuring out what's going on in your marriage (that includes "asking" to go out and get your eyebrows done) and talk to him about being a more sensual couple. Going outside of your marriage to feel sexy isn't the answer - in my opinion. I know you're not talking about having an affair, but you should want to feel that way for him - and he's obviously deterring that. Have you talked to him about this?
However, working out, taking a few minutes out to pick out a smashing outfit, maybe try a new make-up line... try and build up your confidence. I believe confident women usually have their "sexy"... JMO |