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Feeling overwhelmed
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Anonymous
| Hello, I am in my 23rd week of pregnancy. I feel totally overtired/overwhelmed all of the time at work. I work at a law firm aabout 55-60 hours a week. I realize this isn't a lot for a lot of people at firms, and it wasn't bad before I got pregnant. But now I just feel tired all of the time and feel like I can't keep up with everything at work, home, etc. On top of that, I feel like a failure and feel guilty for not feeling like I can keep up. I feel like there are plenty of other people who handle it just fine and so there must be something wrong with me. Anyway, I just needed to vent. If anyone has advice for me I'd appreciate it. |
Anonymous
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I can totally relate and I can also promise it will get better.
I work in fundraising and traveled extensively, even internationally, with my job. I've never thought of myself as a "career woman" but when it came to a point where I couldn't continue doing my job at the same caliber as I had been, I was really hard on myself. Frankly, it was a blow to my ego. A few times, I'm ashamed to say out loud, I resented being pregnant even though the idea of starting a family has always been a dream of mine. What helped me was talking to my superiors about what I could continue to do effectively at work. I can't travel, but I've got a phone and email and loads of stationery. And being pregnant, in some ways, has connected me in a different way with my donors than I was before. If anything, it made me an asset when being pregnant could have been viewed as a liability. I also just had to come to grips with the fact I'm pregnant, the baby's coming, and this is just one of those life changes. As the days get closer to my due date, I couldn't be happier about the idea of being a mother instead of fundraiser-extraordinaire! |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks so much for your response. It helps to know I am not alone (I've been feeling like I'm not "normal" for feeling this way)
It sounds like PP did a great job of working out a compromise. I'd be interested in hearing from others who have felt like they're in the same boat and how they've dealt with it. |
Anonymous
It will get better? Hah. I am 4 weeks PP and am exhausted and overwhelmed beyond imagination. You are normal, but try to get comfortable with letting things go now and not feeling guilty about it.... You will be better prepared for when baby comes and life gets really out of control! 
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Anonymous
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I agree with PP - although everyone is very different - for me it got worse before it got better. Towards the end of the third trimester the fatigiue may worsen and then the first few weeks PP can be rough. Though you will likley not be working during that period and after baby comes, for me the wonder of it all balanced the fatigue. I also think there is a different between prgnancy tired and sleepness tired...though in the third trimester you often have both!
OP - one thing you may have to get used to though is life - and yes your professional life - may never be the same. Again, people adjust differently but for me - who was very career oriented and had first DC at 36 I was amazed at how difficult it was to balance both working and motherhood. You adjust but it takes time and for me there is now a mch more important role in my life so those 12+ hour days are (almost) a thing of the past. |
Anonymous
| What you are going through is absolutely normal! When I was pregnant I couldn't do more than a strictly 40 hour work week. Before I had no problem working the extra hours to get the job done. But that all changed with baby. Remember that you are doing a very important job and it pretty much takes all of your energy. Growing a baby is hard work! During what turned out to be the last week of my pregnancy I was working on a very stressful project and literally running around in high heels. My DD ended up being born 4 weeks early. (She was absolutely perfect!) I very much doubt that my work schedule had anything to do with it, BUT . . . next time I will probably try to take it a little easier towards the end. So . . . take it easy on yourself. In my situation, I had a great boss and co-workers. I was able to be pretty honest about my limited energy and, er, lack of focus. Not everyone has that luxury. The most important thing is to listen to your body! If it tells you to rest, rest! I wish you the very best. |
Anonymous
| I'm in a similar position - working full time, 26 weeks pregnant with a toddler, too. I just feel like I'm not at the top of my game at work, not to mention that I'm just not as interested as putting in the extra effort. There's only one other mom in my company (lots of dads), so I'm feeling pretty isolated - wishing I could keep up better, but knowing that I don't really care. (If that makes sense?) I keep remindng myself that i'll even out again after the baby is born and although I'll still be exhausted (hpoefully) it will be a more normal type of tired, not this pregnancy-induced exhuastion. Hopefully Im right... ? |
LRP
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| I am 24 weeks along and was also having a hard time at work for a while. What I found was that going in later really helped. Granted, that means staying later but those hours just seemed to agree with my body better. I also worked a few hours over the weekend instead of going in earlier or staying super late. I don't know how much flexibility you have in when you work those 60 hours, but if you have any I would suggest trying different start/end times and maybe doing some weekend work. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I have been in your exact same shoes... exhausted, working for large law firm, feeling like a failure -- twice (with both of my pregnancies).
I think its totally normal. Frequently, you're most exhausted during your second trimester... I hope your energy returns in the third. mine did. And, not to make you more depressed... but now is a good time to start thinking about the future. As tired as you are now, you will probably be MORE tired for most of the first year of your new baby's life. The first 3-4 months are brutal. Wonderful... but brutal. How will you feel if your baby is home with a nanny/daycare while you work from 9 - 7:30 every night? (I'm not judging... I'm just asking). Admittedly, its really hard to know these things until the baby is actually here. I still have lots of friends doing the law firm thing... but almost ALL of my mommy friends have left the large firms, and found peace, happiness (and more manageable work schedules) elsewhere (gov't, in-house). By all means, if you love your job, stay and have fun. But this is just my two cents: any job where your worth is based on "billable hours" is a phenominally un-family friendly job. It doesn't value your efficiency, and as a new mom, you'll need to be efficient. Good luck to you. I stuck it out until my older son was 4 (younger was 2), and then I left. I make 50% of my old salary in the government (still quite a lot), and I work a 40 hour week. Actually, considering all the vacation/holidays (that you actually TAKE) in the government... My work week is ridiculously short by comparison. I love it. I've never missed the money, and I don't regret the decision at ALL. |
Anonymous
| I totally relate - I had one exhausting week in the middle of my 2nd trimester and after that I decided that I would cut back my hours and just say no to reduce my work stress. I'm a big believer that work stress contributes to premature birth and other complications like pre-eclampsia. Really, the health of your baby is the most important thing right now. And the fact is, as others have said, once you become a mother you'll never be able to keep up your previous pace. Yes, it is unfair and you'll probably find it upsetting to see the childfree folks and men with SAHM wives get ahead because they can spend more hours at work, but really, what you get is so much better. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry you're exhuasted and overwhelmed. I've been in your shoes, too. And looking back, I probably did the wrong thing -- I kept right on working. Yes, there were days that I just simply had to be home on the couch by seven, but otherwise I kept up my normal hours. Don't do what I did! (Or one of my other workaholic colleagues, whose doctor told her that her intense schedule made her deliver a month early).
Here are a few ideas: Can you take a day off just to catch up with yourself personally? Do it on the day of a doctor's appointment if you must, but otherwise let yourself sleep in and do a few fun things you never have time to do. Taking a day or (gasp) an actual long weekend will refresh you and help you focus on work. I wish I'd taken a few more 4 days weeks or even just gone home after a mid-afternoon doctor's appointment. Can you access your network from home? Putting in some of those hours from your couch may be easier on your body (and mind) than actually being in the office. For the longer term, you might want to start involving other associates in your work. You don't say what level you are, but I was a senior associate when I had my first . I was running discovery on a big piece of litigation and needed to train my replacement. I'd been grooming him for a while, but my being pregnant gave everyone (including the partner at the top) added incentive to make sure someone could handle things while I was gone. My replacement on that case was basically running things by the time I was about 35 weeks -- when I was still in the office for questions. Even if you're on smaller cases, you want to be sure that you're not the only person who knows something. Are there any other women at your firm who've had babies that you could approach for advice? They may be better able to tell you the ins and outs of your firm's specific culture. On the bright side, I was never one of those moms who lamented the loss of my pre-baby life because I'd spent it all at work! To put in a plug for lawyer moms who make the big firm thing work, I came back from maternity leave to a 4 day/wk schedule that works well most of the time. There are the occassional nights where I'm working into the wee smalls at the dining room table, but they're SO much fewer and farther between than they used to be. I pick my cases carefully so that I can work with folks who know my limitations. You'll figure out what works for you, both now and after your little one arrives. Best of luck! |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| I really feel your pain, OP! At 37 weeks, I feel exhausted most of the time--and have felt pretty tired most of my pregnancy. I too had been working 60+ hour weeks and traveling internationally. I gradually was forced by my body to cut down those hours and, after month 7, to stop traveling. It's hard to feel physically limited in how well you can perform your job. As unreasonable as it is, it made me resent my husband a little bit because he gets to be a parent without having to make too many sacrifices at work. And honestly, not being able to travel or take on many longer-term assignments recently has really made work less interesting and exciting for me; it's hard to maintain the enthusiasm to keep doing my day-to-day tasks. I'm still doing my job, but I don't go the extra mile anymore, which has been a tough transition and not the way I usually operate. Fortunately, my boss has been extremely understanding (his wife had two difficult pregnancies) and has encouraged me to work from home whenever I want. I highly recommend it if it's possible for you to do so even just one day a week. Being able to take an hour nap in the middle of the day, and not having to commute into work, has really helped for me. It gives me more energy on the days I do go into the office. Good luck to you! |