Anyone's Child Get them more than spouse?

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07/13/2016 21:09

Subject: Re:Anyone's Child Get them more than spouse?

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ThatBetch
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Joined: 07/10/2016 20:21
Messages: 70
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Anonymous wrote:

ThatBetch wrote:Can you people parse the difference between acting in a supportive fashion and being (presumably sole) emotional support? Try. Try really hard.

The kid recognized his parent was nervous and sat close and gave back pats. This isn't miraculous, it's just sweet. Not all adult men know how to do this, or understand that some women find it valuable. In fact, many of them take the problem solver approach instead.

The fact that OP recognizes the kids supportive behavior doesn't mean she relies on his emotional support, or prefers kid's support to husband's.

About the only conclusion you can draw from the post is that perhaps OP would benefit from having a convo w/ her spouse re: what she finds supportive when she's nervous (e.g. "When I'm stressed, I'd like it if you sit close to me and listen quietly. I don't need or want an answer, I just want to know you're there.")

Calm down.

Did you miss the part where OP admits she tells her son it's not his job to support her? Why does OP's son feel like he has to? Sure it could be that he's just a hyper senstive kid, but it could also point to OP needing to manage her emotions better.

Or it could point to OP and her spouse being good parents and the kid having grown up thinking that supporting those you love is just what you do. That, of course, is the simplest answer, and most likely to be correct. The kid wouldn't necessarily put distinctions on that behavior (grown ups support kids, but kids don't have to support grown ups) without having that particular social rule stated.

Which, as you read, OP clearly did. So calm down.

profile p.m.

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07/13/2016 21:19

Subject: Anyone's Child Get them more than spouse?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I think you negative posters are taking it further then what she wrote. Men in the 30+ range were not really taught to be empathetic. It took me a long time to realize that what my wife really needed from me was support and compassion first - not just fixing whatever problem was being presented.

My son when he was young (and I really think most kids are like this, being more empathetic) wasn't worried about the problem, he just wanted to give her some love when she was stressed. We're animals after all. The dog comes up to me when I'm feeling bad and lays his head on me - is that wrong? How's that any different from a child giving his mother a hug when body language is showing that she is distressed in some fashion?

Men are often taught at a young age to ignore other peoples' emotions and focus on fixing the problem. Children and animals just worry about the emotions. It doesn't surprise me at all that a grown man would have problems relating to his wife's distress and her child doesn't. Don't you all complain about your husbands not being emotionally supportive all the time?

Thanks for posting this.

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07/13/2016 21:33

Subject: Anyone's Child Get them more than spouse?

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Anonymous

[quote=Anonymous]I think you negative posters are taking it further then what she wrote. Men in the 30+ range were not really taught to be empathetic. It took me a long time to realize that what my wife really needed from me was support and compassion first - not just fixing whatever problem was being presented.

My son when he was young (and I really think most kids are like this, being more empathetic) wasn't worried about the problem, he just wanted to give her some love when she was stressed. We're animals after all. The dog comes up to me when I'm feeling bad and lays his head on me - is that wrong? How's that any different from a child giving his mother a hug when body language is showing that she is distressed in some fashion?

Men are often taught at a young age to ignore other peoples' emotions and focus on fixing the problem. Children and animals just worry about the emotions. It doesn't surprise me at all that a grown man would have problems relating to his wife's distress and her child doesn't. Don't you all complain about your husbands not being emotionally supportive all the time?[/quote]

Are you serious? Men are not taught to empathetic but little boys are innately? Oh and I forgot Fido.
?
The OP is saying she feels that her son gets her more than he'd spouse. That is so different than you dog laying his head on your lap.

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07/15/2016 06:56

Subject: Anyone's Child Get them more than spouse?

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Anonymous

See, men learn eventually that it annoys (enough) women to be honest about their feelings. There's (enough) women out there who want discussions of feelings to be about THEIR (the woman's) feelings and how their man can validate THEIR feelings.