Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affair is at least dampened, but he keeps thinking that the thrill he had with her is what is missing from our life. I think he is also holding out hope they will be together.

I'm literally physically sick over this... Stomach is in knots and can't even keep water down.

sorry if this has been answered already but there is no hope left, like he isnt willing to move past the EA?

It's still awful for me a year later, but in my case I would have much rather just had her say "hey, I don't love you let's divorce" and have it not involve someone else. Because the emotional aspect of the affair is the killer, because it gives you hope that your spouse is going through something (whereas if she/he were just "sleeping around" it means that their character is deeply flawed and would be easier to break it off IMO), but since in my case she "loved" the other man, and he was/is such an objective loser (really), then you have the hope that the spouse will "work through" whatever drove them to the emotional aspect of the affair and "wake up" and grow etc.

They always affair down!

Anonymous wrote:What does affair down mean?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He decided to stay, realized his actions were hasty and based on emotion and not necessarily well thought out. We are not out of the woods, but still - I'm happy. I can breathe again. I can get through a day without falling apart.

This is pretty f-ed up. I'm so messed up.

ThatBetch wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He decided to stay, realized his actions were hasty and based on emotion and not necessarily well thought out. We are not out of the woods, but still - I'm happy. I can breathe again. I can get through a day without falling apart.

This is pretty f-ed up. I'm so messed up.

Wait a second...

In your first post, you said you asked him to move out. Now he has "decided to stay"?

You sound really codependent, OP. Do some counseling on your own and learn to be okay with yourself. You'll never been any good in a relationship with anyone until you're okay with you.

Anonymous wrote:OP -- try to go to both individual and couple counseling. Individual will be key --bec is sounds like your spouse will likely try an affair again and you need to be emotional strong enough to show him the door. He will want his cake and eat it too---but you need to not fall apart. Or, you can give him a pass and allow him to have an open marriage. Some women are okay with looking the other way -- too weak to show them the door. So, your choice. But you sound like you'd disintegrate without him and that is not healthy bec he will realize he had the upper hand and always keep you in a position that you accept his bad behavior. Sorry OP.

Anonymous wrote:Er. He probably told the EA partner that you asked him to leave, and she probably freaked. She probably told him she's not interested anymore, and now he has nowhere to go. He probably realized that he can't afford to maintain two separate households, so he isn't interested in leaving anymore. He will probably try to smooth things over to keep the peace, but you'll never be able to trust him again...nor should you.

My two cents: play nice while YOU get your ducks in a row.

Anonymous wrote:Er. He probably told the EA partner that you asked him to leave, and she probably freaked. She probably told him she's not interested anymore, and now he has nowhere to go. He probably realized that he can't afford to maintain two separate households, so he isn't interested in leaving anymore. He will probably try to smooth things over to keep the peace, but you'll never be able to trust him again...nor should you.

My two cents: play nice while YOU get your ducks in a row.