Hate waiting
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Anonymous
| The doctor said that I probably need heart surgery, but this needs to be confirmed by the surgeon. I can't see the surgeon for a month. I have no idea how I am going to wait that long. My brain is telling me that there is nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about but I keep obsessively googling the recuperation time. The surgery should be fine and it sounds like my job after that will be to rest/get stronger again. All of that is ok, not fun, but manageable, but I can't see how my kids are going to be cared for properly. My husband is fun time dad and he doesn't cook or do laundry or clean and his commute makes him doing the drops/pick ups difficult. Moreover, he does not seem to notice that these things need to happen. He will congratulate himself if he needs to pick up or drop off and does it, but he does not really notice that I did laundry so the kids had the right clothes, did grocery run and cooked so there's food, packed the lunches, checked the homework and book bag, etc. I know some things will slide but I can't stand the thought of my kids eating chikfila every day and not reading regularly, these things are important to me. I tried to tell him that I'm worried about him having to do everything and his response is that "It will be fine. What? Worry about us? You are crazy. It will be tremendous." Then he kind of chuckled and shook his head and repeated "It will be tremendous. We will be great." Maybe he was trying to be reassuring but what I heard was some combination of - "What you do for the family isn't important and isn't necessary" and "We will really enjoy the time when you are down and out". This hurt my feelings and makes me realize that he doesn't even know what he doesn't know. I'm more of a planner, and he's more of a 'it'll all work out fine,' kind of guy. I guess I'm just venting. I'm feeling anxious and I know that I won't be calm until I can sort of see how the care-taking of the kids during my recuperation will happen. Thanks for reading. |
Aster302516
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| I certainly understand how you’re feeling. I know it can be really frustrating when your husband does not seem to understand the seriousness of an issue. Try not to worry too much. I’m sure your husband will do a great job taking care of your kids, once the responsibility is on him. I hope you get an appointment with the surgeon soon. I just said a prayer for you. Hugs! |
Anonymous
| Can your doctor telephone the surgeon or find a surgeon who can see you sooner? Does he know that you are waiting a month when you need surgery? |
Anonymous
| My advice is to trust that although things may not go the way you want with how your husband will handle things, they will still be okay. And maybe he'll start taking on more I the long run. Sending hugs, op. |
Anonymous
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I get it, OP. But I swear to you that a month of Chick-fil-A and zero reading will not do them any long-term harm.
Also, it will be interesting to see how "tremendous" it actually is. Chances are he has no clue about how much work you do or how important it is. It'll be good for him. Focus on your health! |
Anonymous
| First, feel free to poke him in the eye. Next say this really loudly to him: "You are a terrible mother." He IS! Next delegate out what burns on your heart. There's a "reading buddy" down the street, there's a casserole brigade nearby, there's a mama standing by asking "How can I help?" Give her the next thing down on your list. I am married to Super Dad too. They mean well but it's not all about Disney World and rodeo clowning. I fell you. Make him a check list and give him a sticker chart. You are not alone. Call the doc and chew on someone's ear. Not acceptable! A month?!?! Put Dad into making that go? Make a list and mark it all off one by one. You will be back at 100% and things will go your way until then too. |
Anonymous
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First, the wait time seems crazy. Call your doctors office and tell them to call and make the appointment to see if they can get you in sooner or with someone else. People wait that long for dermatology, not heart surgery.
Second, I think your husband thinks it's going to be a month of Funtime dad time, plus I'm sure he doesn't want you to worry. Since you do have spare time, make a list of what you do and when - cooking, cleaning, laundry, reading to the kids - so he has some help. Finally, just worry about you right now. A month of fast food, dirty clothes and a messy house is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, whereas heart surgery is a gigantic something. Enjoy spending time with your family. Do things that are fun and relaxing. |
Anonymous
| Your husband will totally appreciate you more after being you while you recover. |