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Husband was laid off - any books, etc ???
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Anonymous
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Well - the economy has hit us. DH has been laid off, economies of scale and such. Emotionally he is currently ok, but it has only been two weeks. If this is prolonged, I want to make sure he stays ok. I imagine this is insanely stressful on relationships and families. I want us to prepare for it as much as possible. Are there any books or anything available for us? let me restate, i am SURE there are books out there as self-help on such a topic, but what do you recommend?
Or any other advice would be appreciated. Thanks |
Anonymous
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Not in the category of self-help, but for a bit of inspiration and commiseration, your DH can check out WSJ's blog "Laid Off and Looking" (you don't need a subscription to read it). It follows 8-10 MBA's who have been out of work, some for a while. Sometimes the posts are not very insightful and/or not applicable to everyone, but there can be some good thoughts/advice etc (often in the comments). I read it almost every day (I've been laid off for almost 5 months).
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Anonymous
| I read that it's helpful to stay in touch and meet regularly with others out of work to network, compare notes and for the camaraderie. I can't remember where I saw the article, maybe wsj?? I'll try to look for it and post if I see it. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
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Less than two years ago, my DH lost his job. We thought that it would be a quick unemployment, but it lasted 8 months. He had offers, but there was a clerical issue with his clearance, and then we had an au pair, who needed to be investigated, even though she had already moved back to her home country.
I didn't look for any books to read, because I remembered my father going through this twice during my childhood. He was an executive, who worked moving furniture and pumping gas, while working with headhunters. I remembered how stressed he was, but I also remembered how put together my mother was through it all. I took her lead. When it didn't look like things weren't going to go as quickly as we thought, I went to work. When he thought things were never going to turn around. I would tell him they would. When he worried that we wouldn't make the mortgage, I told him not to worry. Losing the house was the least of my worries, and certainly not the worst thing that could ever happen to us. We would still be alive, the kids would be provided for just as well in an apartment, as in our house. I never once blamed him, or faulted him for our circumstances. He felt as if he was failing us, and there was no way I was going to add to his feelings of inadequacy. |
Anonymous
| With this economy- do no think this is only for a while- if not - a bonus- networking constantly- avoid only going on the web looking for jobs (network)- keep active- can DH get a new certificate that would help him- start NOW- don't assume he'll get a job next week. I don't know what industry/senior etc. but my DH sat complacent on a cushy severance package (looked- but not at the degree like now) and then had to up the effort quite a lot since we were cut off. It's very easy at first to think it's temporary- and hopefully it is- but start any degree/certification ideas you had NOW- and make it part of your routine. |
Anonymous
| PP here- as for making my Dh feel bad- well- I know he feels bad- i had to accept a really good full-time job and stop being a SAHM for the family's well being. This will impact things when he gets a job- but it's been too long and we're on unemployment so- yea- my job is a blessing in this economy. |
zumbamama
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| I don't have any book recs, but wanted to say welcome to the club! DH and I were both laid off, as well as my cousin and uncle... but DH and I are taking the situation as chance to go into business for ourselves. We were depressed for awhile, but all revved up now! |
Anonymous
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OP here and thank you for the words...my personal challenge with this is that i am the "eternal optimist" and DH doesnt talk, about anything, no fears, wishes, hopes, dreams///but i digress. SO - I am very concerned that this challenge in our marriage can possibly sever our emotional bond, essentially as the "final straw" because of building issues.
To those of you who have experienced lay offs; what do you understand the proper "step" to be...do you hold out for a job at the appropriate or same level held at the time of lay off OR do you take a job, knowing it will be "just until something better comes along" and then possibly damage your resume with job jumping? (shoot, i hope that question makes sense...) Thanks for the blog and I will share it and yes to the networking...he is actually ok at that. BUT - semantics, how do you continue to network, face to face, if not currently employed? i dont think this will work so well as the orgs DH belonged to were funded by past employer...he wont receive invites to the monthly luncheons, etc...??? However, I am in the same industry in WDC so i will network for him. AAARgh - I keep telling myself we'll be stronger / better on the "other side" - the eternal optimist. |
Anonymous
I was laid off in December and still looking. To your question about "stepping down" - sorry to be a downer, but that probably won't be an issue because most employers especially these days don't want people who are overqualified (and it's not only my personal observation, I've been reading/hearing about it from many different sources). Partly for the exact reasons you mention - they don't want the person to flee once the market starts picking up. And there are so many qualified applicants these days, they don't have to worry about finding someone who fits their search parameters exactly. For networking, you'll have to fund it yourselves. I spend a lot of money going to industry events, taking people to lunch/dinner/coffee etc that I used to not do as much (and my employer used to cover some industry events and belonging to associations etc). Best of luck to you and your DH. |
Anonymous
You may have to tone down your optimism, OP, and try to empathize with your husband and how he is feeling even though he doesn't express his feelings. I have a similar husband, and the only way I can maintain a bond is by "taking his temperature" emotionally constantly. We're actually the opposite, though - he's the optimist and I'm the worrier. But in the end, you have to find a way to meet somewhere, emotionally. I can see that this stress will kill a marriage, especially if you are already having trouble connecting. Stay with him, OP. Optimism can come off as ignoring one's feelings. That's how it feels to me. I don't feel heard when DH tells me things will work out, it's for the best, let's look at the bright side, glass half-full, etc. It's so demoralizing, almost dehumanizing to be unemployed for a prolonged period. Your DH needs to know that you understand what's happening to him and are supportive of the struggle he's having finding a job, or even finding the energy to look for work. It gets so much harder the longer you are out of work. Best of luck to both of you. |