suenelson wrote:Your post is very interesting since it's likely an unfamiliar culture to most people on this forum. Mind if I ask some more questions?

- Are there specific consequences outlined for having a boyfriend before marriage?
- I assume the consequences will be worse if your husband finds out without you telling him because you'll be hiding the truth?
- Is it also a sin for a man to have a girlfriend before marriage?
- Do you still live in that country or are you in the U.S.?

I don't want to judge. And normally I'm not "Woman Power!" But if you think objectively - setting aside religion, culture, and any other pre-defined expectations - and you observe that your freedom is restricted or more restricted than your husbands, I just want to encourage you be strong and confident in yourself. How that strength manifests into action is up to you. Since you're posting this on a blog, I assume you are already a pretty free spirit compared to many in your culture.

Also, it's tough to be in a marriage if you're afraid of your husband or his reaction to something in your past. Marriage should be based on love, which covers over any wrongs from before - also communication, respect, etc.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Anonymous wrote:For all of you idiots minimizing her concern, in some cultures, most notably Islamic culture, adultery is punishable by death. Honor killings are also a thing. And they happen here, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest fear is that what if my DH founds out that I had 3 boyfriends before I got married to him? Please note that I come from a country where girls having BF before marriage is considered a sin
Anyone else in the same boat?

Which country?

OP here! I don't want to share this information

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a white American so I don't share your cultural background. And perhaps my marriage isn't what you are anticipating either, but to me the entire foundation of marriage is trust. I trust that my DH will be loyal and faithful to me even though I am, like all people, flawed. (And vice versa). I'm not sure how you can build a solid life with someone while being afraid they might see your flaws, that they might find out you are human.

In my mind, he would have to be a pretty terrible DH to react terribly to news that you dated 3 boys in your past.

I am guess this is more than just "dating". OP's DH likely thinks he married a virgin.

I was a virgin when I got married. But I am 100% sure he won't believe me

Anonymous wrote:

suenelson wrote:Your post is very interesting since it's likely an unfamiliar culture to most people on this forum. Mind if I ask some more questions?

- Are there specific consequences outlined for having a boyfriend before marriage?
- I assume the consequences will be worse if your husband finds out without you telling him because you'll be hiding the truth?
- Is it also a sin for a man to have a girlfriend before marriage?
- Do you still live in that country or are you in the U.S.?

I don't want to judge. And normally I'm not "Woman Power!" But if you think objectively - setting aside religion, culture, and any other pre-defined expectations - and you observe that your freedom is restricted or more restricted than your husbands, I just want to encourage you be strong and confident in yourself. How that strength manifests into action is up to you. Since you're posting this on a blog, I assume you are already a pretty free spirit compared to many in your culture.

Also, it's tough to be in a marriage if you're afraid of your husband or his reaction to something in your past. Marriage should be based on love, which covers over any wrongs from before - also communication, respect, etc.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Having a boyfriend means the girl is not cultured and not virgin
Its not a sin for a man to have a girlfriend before marriage
I now live in US

Anonymous wrote:For all of you idiots minimizing her concern, in some cultures, most notably Islamic culture, adultery is punishable by death. Honor killings are also a thing. And they happen here, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

suenelson wrote:Your post is very interesting since it's likely an unfamiliar culture to most people on this forum. Mind if I ask some more questions?

- Are there specific consequences outlined for having a boyfriend before marriage?
- I assume the consequences will be worse if your husband finds out without you telling him because you'll be hiding the truth?
- Is it also a sin for a man to have a girlfriend before marriage?
- Do you still live in that country or are you in the U.S.?

I don't want to judge. And normally I'm not "Woman Power!" But if you think objectively - setting aside religion, culture, and any other pre-defined expectations - and you observe that your freedom is restricted or more restricted than your husbands, I just want to encourage you be strong and confident in yourself. How that strength manifests into action is up to you. Since you're posting this on a blog, I assume you are already a pretty free spirit compared to many in your culture.

Also, it's tough to be in a marriage if you're afraid of your husband or his reaction to something in your past. Marriage should be based on love, which covers over any wrongs from before - also communication, respect, etc.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Having a boyfriend means the girl is not cultured and not virgin
Its not a sin for a man to have a girlfriend before marriage
I now live in US

OMG this is obviously a troll! Muslim men and Muslim women BOTH can't have relationships before marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of you idiots minimizing her concern, in some cultures, most notably Islamic culture, adultery is punishable by death. Honor killings are also a thing. And they happen here, too.

This is an exaggeration after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids I don't think this will happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

suenelson wrote:Your post is very interesting since it's likely an unfamiliar culture to most people on this forum. Mind if I ask some more questions?

- Are there specific consequences outlined for having a boyfriend before marriage?
- I assume the consequences will be worse if your husband finds out without you telling him because you'll be hiding the truth?
- Is it also a sin for a man to have a girlfriend before marriage?
- Do you still live in that country or are you in the U.S.?

I don't want to judge. And normally I'm not "Woman Power!" But if you think objectively - setting aside religion, culture, and any other pre-defined expectations - and you observe that your freedom is restricted or more restricted than your husbands, I just want to encourage you be strong and confident in yourself. How that strength manifests into action is up to you. Since you're posting this on a blog, I assume you are already a pretty free spirit compared to many in your culture.

Also, it's tough to be in a marriage if you're afraid of your husband or his reaction to something in your past. Marriage should be based on love, which covers over any wrongs from before - also communication, respect, etc.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Having a boyfriend means the girl is not cultured and not virgin
Its not a sin for a man to have a girlfriend before marriage
I now live in US

OMG this is obviously a troll! Muslim men and Muslim women BOTH can't have relationships before marriage.

If you think this rule is enforced equally you're delusional.