Elderly dad new girlfriend
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Anonymous
| Dad said he is driving up Sat and bringing his friend and she is a woman. Mom is in a nursing home but still talks to us daily and we see her so sort of out of it but not entirely. Has anyone dealt with this? I think they are having dinner at the house. I have young kids. I have less than 24 hours to get comfortable with this. Thoughts and please be kind and I do love dad. |
Anonymous
| I assume they're divorced? |
Anonymous
|
Girlfriend or female friend? |
Anonymous
| It would make me very uncomfortable if they were dating. I don't know what to tell you. I think I would pretend in my mind that she was only a friend and nothing more and rush the kids to bed ASAP. I would assume or hope there would be no pda at the dinner table. Keep the conversation to very safe topics like the weather. |
Anonymous
|
When my grandmother was in the nursing home, there was a woman from my grandfather's church who basically moved in to his house. She started by bringing him dinner and then staying past dark -- neither of them drove after dark. She stayed in the guest room, I think. I have no idea. But she did gradually move many personal items into his house.
My mother finally confronted her father (my grandfather) and he begged her to tell the woman to leave! He didn't know how to do it! |
Anonymous
| If they aren't divorced, it is disrespectful to you to bring another woman into your house. You don't have to be comfortable with it. I would have asked Dad to come alone. |
Anonymous
| No not divorced!!! Mom has Alzheimer's. She is in nursing home but thinks everything is fine. Hard to explain unless you know Alzheimer's. She has actually been pretty stable for awhile. Knows us and dad and thinks life is rosy. I realize dad is wrong but think he is lonely. Husband is livid but I think this has been a long time coming. Dad has had this friend for a year. My kids know Grandmom is sick and visit her. I feel like if I say no dad will pull away. Good lord this is so hard!!! Anyone with direct experience with this sort of thing?? |
Anonymous
| I think this is too much for him to expect. |
Anonymous
|
Be polite but don't encourage the girlfriend into thinking that she is can continue to disrespect your mom or your family even if your dad is lonely. His relationship with her away from your family is one thing but he should not be putting you and your family in this position without your agreement. |
Anonymous
The girlfriend is not disrespecting anyone. She may be a lovely person. OP's father has set up this situation and all of its awkwardness. |
Anonymous
| Thoughts? Well, tarnation. |
Anonymous
| I think it's understandable that your dad would be lonely and looking for companionship, and there's nothing in your post to suggest that this relationship is taking away from his love and caring for your mom. I think it's also understandable that you're uncomfortable with this -- your talk to your mom daily, and her disease hasn't progressed enough she doesn't remember your father, so you're basically being asked to keep his secret from your mom, and that's a lousy position to be in. If you're not comfortable meeting her, I might approach it from that angle. That you have nothing against his girlfriend and aren't upset that he's found this relationship, but that you're not comfortable being that closely involved while you mom is still aware of things. |
MikeL
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Totally disrespectful of your Dad to put you in this situation, especially with grandkids meeting her. I understand your Dad's needs, but getting your family involved in this is not right. |
Anonymous
| Yes this is hard. Have any of the pp been in this position? I am asking as I think I would have been super judgy if this did not happen. It looks so bad and it is but also get that my dad is so lonely and mom is not the same. I would not want him to die from stress. I am processing this like what would you do if your parents divorced and you had to meet new women sort of thing. Maybe I am deluded but I am trying to be positive. Am I morally wrong to accept this? Dad and his friend are 70. |
Anonymous
| There is no morally wrong here. There is only your comfort level. |