Need BTDT experiences w/MOCO schools and self-harming friend of DS

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[Post New]09/08/2015 10:23
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Anonymous
Let me start by saying that I am resolved to help DS's friend, I just don't know which path to take and how. Need some BTDT advice.

Quick recap: DS has told me enough about Friend that I strongly believe that friend is either already self-harming or is about to. DS has already told me enough for me to think that DS's parents have no idea (this may or not be true, this is just what Friend has led my DS to believe). Both parents work and I don't have a relationship with either of them -- kids made friends as older students and I just haven't seen the other family enough.

Options?

1) A phone call to the parents would be somewhat out of the blue. I'm not sure they would believe me. I am convinced that it would also destroy my DS's friendship and social life at school. DS and I both agree, however, that Friend's health is more important.

2) I have a lot of respect for administrators at DS and Friend's school and feel as though I could call the school and have a conversation with them. I worry that DS's Friend would accuse DS and that Friend's Parents would be blindsided and angry at school involvement.

Looking for some help figuring out how to proceed from here. Option A? Option B? Both A and B? Something else?
[Post New]09/08/2015 10:32
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Anonymous
Ages of kids might help with the response.
[Post New]09/08/2015 10:37
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Anonymous
Contact the parents, even if you don't know them. Don't involve the school. Tell them that you don't know if the self-harming has actually occurred or not, but that you felt that they needed to know.
[Post New]09/08/2015 10:40
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Anonymous
OP here -- 8th Grade. Also, underlying issue causing Friend to consider self-harm is a serious issue and not one Friend can easily talk about with anyone, including parents, or maybe especially parents.
[Post New]09/08/2015 11:08
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Anonymous
When this happened at my DD's middle school, I spoke to the assistant principal -- someone I respected and trusted. She was aware of the situation with some kids and worked to inform the parents and get the girls some help.
[Post New]09/08/2015 13:42
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dancingsunflowers06
Member Offline
It might be good to talk to someone you trust at the school first and they could advise you about what course of action to take next. I don't feel like you could go wrong here though since you are genuinely concerned for his safety.
[Post New]09/08/2015 13:47
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Anonymous
dancingsunflowers06 wrote:It might be good to talk to someone you trust at the school first and they could advise you about what course of action to take next. I don't feel like you could go wrong here though since you are genuinely concerned for his safety.

But please take note, that once you have talked to someone at the school, the veritable cat is out of the bag. These folks are mandatory reporters, so they must do something. Please do not approach school official and think it will be a secret between the 2 of you.
If I did not know the parents, I would probably talk to someone at school.
[Post New]09/08/2015 14:41
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Anonymous
BTDT Mom. It was my child who was threatening self harm and had taken some actions. I already knew, but when others found out they called me and called the assistant principal of the school who also called me. This is exactly what I would expect anyone to do. Afterall, my kid might have died had no one taken any action. Better that it be overkill than not enough.
[Post New]09/11/2015 17:37
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
dancingsunflowers06 wrote:It might be good to talk to someone you trust at the school first and they could advise you about what course of action to take next. I don't feel like you could go wrong here though since you are genuinely concerned for his safety.

But please take note, that once you have talked to someone at the school, the veritable cat is out of the bag. These folks are mandatory reporters, so they must do something. Please do not approach school official and think it will be a secret between the 2 of you.
If I did not know the parents, I would probably talk to someone at school.


But, you could speak with the school and not give the name of the child. To get a feel for the school response. Do you know anything more about the family's community. e.g., do you know if they go to a church / temple? Another route if possible would be to contact a religious leader.
[Post New]09/11/2015 19:05
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Anonymous
What middle school?
[Post New]09/15/2015 10:58
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Contact the parents, even if you don't know them. Don't involve the school. Tell them that you don't know if the self-harming has actually occurred or not, but that you felt that they needed to know.


I could not disagree more on this comment!

Your two best options are the guidance counselor, or 911 - if you suspect that this kid is really about to harm themselves.

The reason contacting the parents is a big problem - IMHO - is that many times self-harming is rooted by what is going on at home. There is a chance that this kid's parents are dysfunctional or even abusive. Or they flat out don't recognize it or just don't care and they will end up lashing out at you and then taking it out on the kid so DO NOT contact the parents.

I would talk to the guidance counselor immediately. I would also invite this friend to your house, and observe him/her to see if there is any truth to it. And of course being at your house will also provide a calming atmosphere for this kid. You just never know.
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