Very selfish and mean 19 month old, is it normal?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Is it normal for a 19 month old girl to be extremely selfish to the point that when she goes to the playground with a toy she screams "mine" or, worse, makes a really mean/aggressive face to any child who so much as looks at her toys or simply walks in her general direction? She will stare at the child and do this annoying thing where she sticks her tongue out and and blows (kind of like blowing raspberries but with her tongue out) in an attempt to stop them from even looking at her stuff. She won't quit until they she thinks they no longer pose a "threat" to her. This is very tricky when the playground is busy because there will be other kids walking close to her and looking at her all the time.
I know kids are pretty selfish and some selfishness is normal, but I have never seen anything this bad. None of the other kids in the playground do this. I have never met a kid who does this. And I've met some pretty difficult kids who bite, kick, etc. I'm not sure what to do about this. I tried not allowing anything to be brought to the playground, but even then if a child wants to play with something from the playground that she is playing with or walks in her direction, the same thing happens. I also tried showing her that we can take turns playing and make a big deal when she shares, lots of positive reinforcement. I have been doing this for at least 2 months but it's not helping at all. In fact it seems a little worse, because before she only screamed mine, now she does the mean face and tongue thing. Is there anything else I can do? |
Anonymous
|
She's acting like a child.
So yeah, it is normal. |
Anonymous
Yup. My daughter went through that phase. We would be out in public and she would yell at people "My Mommy!" with a scowl on her face. I had to explain that no one was trying to take me  She is in daycare part-time, so you'd think she'd be used to sharing. Nope!
Keep doing what you're doing, she will stop eventually. Took about 3 months for my DD. |
Anonymous
| No need to label her, even to yourself, as " very selfish", "extremely selfish", "mean" or "aggressive". Maybe pick up a couple of books on child development. The Ames series 'your one-year old', 'your two-year old', etc is good. |
Anonymous
| If I were you I would actually hand the other child one of her toys and ignore DD's hissing while the other child played with it. Let her see that she doesn't need to be so territorial and that she will always get her toy back. |
Anonymous
| She is not selfish. She is 19 months old. She's just learning about the world, possessions, permanency, and how it all fits together with being social. Mine is a favorite word of kids that age. The important thing is actually not to overreact to it. You could try gently saying, "that is your toy, but sometimes it is nice to share our toys" and I would just ignore the tongue stuff...the more attention it gets her the more it will continue. Show her things to do with her mouth that are nice - like smiling or laughing, and give her attention for those things. All that said, 19 month olds are not good at sharing - nor should they be. They've just gotten a sense that something is theirs and don't understand that they will get it back at some point. She will get there. It's not easy, and it's not easy to parent when a child is like that but if you tough it out, she will be over this phase in a few months probably. |
Anonymous
| She's not mean and selfish, she's a toddler. This is really normal. You model sharing and taking turns. You reassure her that no one will take her toys and tell her to stop making faces. You praise her when she doesn't make faces and when she does take turns. |
Anonymous
|
Thank you for the tips and the book suggestion. I will try showing her other things she can do with her mouth, that could help because she does that in other situations as well. As for sharing I'll just keep being positive and keep not making a big deal out of it and hope it doesn't last too long.
As for labeling her, I'm not sure how I can describe her behavior without using any "labels"? Anyway, f it's normal then I'll just wait it out, no big deal. I'm pretty calm in general so it doesn't bother me too much, specially since it's not my child, I only watch her a few hours per week. I was just a little shocked to see that it's now escalating instead of staying the same or improving a bit. I never overreact when she does any of the things mentioned above, I try to be positive and happy and encourage her to go play with me or with one of the kids without focusing much on her behavior. I tell her it's okay to share, but don't make her do it. Most of the time no one is even trying to take anything she has or even looking at her specifically. When a child approaches I'm positive about it and say "look, a friend" as in, it's just a friend, he won't take your toys, it's okay. I was simply wondering if it was normal because like I said I have never seen a child this young act this way before and I have been around many kids her age and none of the kids in the playground do this either. I have seen kids be very upset if someone takes their toy or they will take someone's toy, cry, etc. But never had one act out when nothing was even happening. Maybe she's just quicker to get upset and more aware of her surroundings than most kids. Thanks again for the tips. |
dancingsunflowers06
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
Hi there - This sounds like normal behavior for a kiddo that age. The key is knowing how to respond to the behavior when it happens. Kids need guidance and training even at this age and that can help! Here's an article with info on unruly toddlers, might help. Hang in there momma!
http://bit.ly/1BPepWd mommato2lilmonkeys |