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Is it harder for working moms to maintain frienships?
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Anonymous
| Not a working vs. SAHM debate, I promise. I'm just wondering if it's harder for working moms to stay connected to friends (through phone conversations, occasional get-togethers, etc.) because they don't have much time due to balancing work and managing family life. I was one of the first in my group of friends to have kids and I'm currently a SAHM--and because my kids have regular nap schedules and a pretty predictable day, I've always had time for phone calls, e-mails, etc. And because being a SAHM can be very isolating at times, my friendships have been really important to me. Most of my good friends are now working moms and since they've had babies, I almost never talk to them -- they're just so busy between their jobs and kids. Is this something that resonates with working moms? Or perhaps these friendships have just naturally run their course, as friendships sometimes do? I'm feeling a bit lonely lately and haven't had much like making new connections since moving to the area. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| OP... woops, meant to write "friendships", not frienships. |
Anonymous
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WM here - I actually do a lot of e-mailing friends at work!
It's interesting because one of the appealing things about being a WM for me, is that I'm a homebody and I prefer a few close relationships to lots of friends - my DH is my best friend, and I'm super close to my mom and siblings, and other than that I'm close with MIL, SIL, a couple of out-of-town girlfriends I regularly e-mail (we're in a "virtual book club"), and casual friends I see at work (who are both parents and non parents). During my maternity leave I couldn't imagine being a SAHM and having to socialize with other moms on a regular basis - nothing against other moms of course! But I'm not a big joiner so I'm thankful I can have adult acquaintance type interaction at work, and that my baby has daycare to keep her busy and meet other little ones! Otherwise if I SAH I think I would feel forced to do the playdate thing which I don't really dig, though I love participating on this forum and hearing from other moms, and of course talking with my few close friends who are moms, and definitely talking to my mom friends at work. I totally get how it would be appealing for others to SAH and do the socializing, so I'm definitely not judging it, it's just not for me. |
Anonymous
Oh, and I just posted this and more thing - I don't go to work every weekday (and I if I do I'm home half days a few days), and on days I don't work or come home half day I tend to make it all about my baby since I do work some. So, I would think some WM would be willing to sacrifice friend time for kid time. |
Anonymous
| I was a working Mom until recently and so far have found it is MUCH harder for me to retain close friendships as a SAHM. Part of it is at work I was able to truly multitask w/ work and emailing friends, arranging get-togethers, buying tickets for shows on-line, etc. And now, multitasking with 2 toddlers has a whole other meaning! I also found that it is a bit isolating being home and most of my friends work as well. This can become a lonely cycle unfortunatlely unless you make a conscious effort to really get out there, even on the most challenging of days. But to answer your original question, it was easier for me to maintain friendships while working and when I had more time to myself. |
Anonymous
| I'm a working mom and I think OP is correct. It is very hard for me these days with two little toddlers to maintain my friendships. They are in daycare all day and I feel guilty not being with them in the evenings or on weekends. My work day is hectic since I have to keep very strict hours and most in my job work more hours then I do so I'm trying to keep up. I feel bad about spending so little time with or talking to friends but there is honestly no good time at all for me to make calls and write emails. At least not on a regular basis. |
Anonymous
I think it is harder to physically see your friends but that does not mean you can't maintain the friendship. It also depends on the mom's personality and organizational skills 
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Anonymous
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Interesting question. It was definitely harder for me to maintain friendships or make plans--or, mostly, make the effort--when I was working FT. Then again, I found everything in my life to be compressed and difficult to manage when I was working FT. I think it's mostly a personality thing probably though.
Now I work PT; still in my profession, though making less money. But I have more time to make the effort, which is nice. I had so little time before. I am sure people are WAY more efficient with my time than I was and probably made it work better. |
zumbamama
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| Yes, it is extremely hard for me to meet up with my friends. My schedule is so packed that when I get any free time, I just want to be lazy at home. Sadly, the only place I see them is on FB. Something I need to fix! |
Anonymous
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WM here. Agree with OP. It's tough. I had a much easier time seeing girlfriends and make new girlfriends when I was home on maternity leave. My social life was great! But at work, it's hard to get other WMs off their duffs in the evenings or weekends to get together -- they're too tired in the evening (understandable of course) and weekends seem to be filled with errands, etc. I think a lot depends though on the WM's personality and organizational skills.
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Anonymous
| WM here, I have found it extremely difficult to make it to friends events such as dinners, happy hours, house parties and making calls and such at night. I have a FT job, toddler, and am expecting again in July. Prior to having children I'd have called myself a social butterfly but now keeping the house together, finding quality time with my DD and DH, and the general business of life (and trying to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night) is almost all I have time for. Generally I try to do one thing with a girlfriend each week, weather it is a good phone call, a coffee date/play date. That being said, it takes a real effort and many times I have to cancel b/c of a sick child or weekend work. But efforts are worth it for people who matter. When we become parents our lives necessarily fill-up and somethings have to give... |
Anonymous
| WM here. I find it virtually impossible to maintain friendships with anyone outside of my profession. I have many close friends through my work and we have lunch and spend lots of time together during the workday. Outside of work, forget it. My child is in school and most of the moms don't work so they have established friendships and it is hard to be included in any of them since I am not available during the day for playdates or coffee after carpool. I volunteered to help with the school's big fundraiser last year thinking it would help me to make friends. It didn't. Many were downright unkind and I wasn't invited to the gathering of committee members afterward. I do have friends from HS, college, and law school. I keep in contact with them via email and facebook. I don't see any of them regularly. So, yes. This WM definitely has a harder time maintaining friendships. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. I work 4 days a week and the days I am at work I am at a computer and near a phone all day so it is easy for me to shoot off an email or call a friend. The day I am home, with my 2 toddlers, I am lucky if I have 10 minutes in front of the computer and my kids always seem to find a way to need me when I am on the phone! |
Anonymous
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I am a WM with two kids. I crave adult company and I have always been a very social person. I did a moms group after having my first child and was excited at the thought of having new friends. When I went back to work, they basically ruled me out over time. I would make effort after effort and for a little while it worked, but only at my intitiating it. After a bit, they just stopped getting back to me and never tried to get together. I think it is because they had their playdates during the day and I could only do it after work or on weekends. I foudn that most SAHM's spent weekends with the DH so we couldn't get together then.
So, I have found it easier to get together with my neighbors and other working mom friends who have similar schedules. I will certainly make the effort as I need to socialize and my kids love playdates. |
Anonymous
| my two best friends in the area are sahms and i've been back at work for 1.5 year now, and athough we're still very close and find a way to all meet up frequently, i do miss a lot of our get togethers; i can nolonger make it to playgroups during the day unless i arrive late with my 2 kids, and on the weekend i crave some time with nothing planned where the whole family can just take it easy in our pjs. it's a bit sad really, but i don't know what else could be done. |