How to deal
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ekh123
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| So, am I alone in those horrible feelings when I find out other people are pregnant? I try not to dwell on them, but my first reaction to finding out someone else is pregnant is unhappiness, then I shift to being happy for them. None of my friends are in the same boat as me, but the one person i mentioned this to acted like my feelings were horrible and unreasonable. Anyone else, or is it just me? |
Anonymous
| Totally normal, OP. Hugs. |
Anonymous
| It's normal and we've all been there. I think the only time it ventures into "inappropriate territory" is when you stop being friends with people because of it. But I also know there are a lot of people on this subgroup who don't share my "suck it up and fake it" mentality! |
ekh123
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|
Thanks. An acquaintance got pregnant last year but miscarried in her first tri. I was pretty jealous of the pregnancy but of course felt bad for her miscarriage. She's pregnant again and in her 2nd tri and my first reaction was, she's pregnant, not fair, 2nd reaction: well she had a miscarriage and i didn't so i guess it's "ok" that shes pregnant and I'm not.
Ok it feels good to admit that! |
Anonymous
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That's why it is so important to have IRL friends (or online) who are either going through IF, or at least are supportive and understanding.
It's fine to have your feelings, whatever they are. But just don't act on them... |
Anonymous
| Totally normal. I'm the exact same way. |
Anonymous
| I'm like that too. I try to tell myself that it's good luck to be around pregnant women. Don't beat yourself up about it, just be courteous and try to avoid situations that are difficult for you. |
Anonymous
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Oh goodness, totally normal. I currently know like 8 pregnant women right now. As happy as I am for them, I feel surrounded and in a deep dark hole.
Know that you're not alone. |
Anonymous
| I am newly pregnant after multiple IVF/FETs and I still feel that way. You are completely normal! And honestly, with what we have to go through to get pregnant--those women have a totally different experience and different path. I don't think they understand infertility anymore than we understand what it is like to be fertile. |
Anonymous
| Unless you are in serious denial or are a spiritual master, you are going to get jealous in life. Most everyone experiences it. It's ok. Don't beat yourself up. |
Anonymous
Not just you. After about 2 years of unsuccessful IF treatments, any pregnancy announcement brought me to tears. My DH didn't quite understand, so I had to spell out that while I was happy for my friend I was 10 times that sad for our shitty luck. By year 3 when I was coping better, I'd tell him and he'd say, "Oh f*ck them!" LOL He finally didn't think I was horrible and unreasonable anymore. 
I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy and I hope everyone finds the families they were meant to have...however that looks. Chin up, OP. |
Anonymous
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It's so hard. Because you don't want to be *that* person who steals other people's happiness, right? Yet there it is, confronting you in the face.
I also like to tell myself that unlike, say, when someone gets my dream job over me, there's no real scarcity of babies. Other people getting pregnant doesn't take the possibility of a baby away from me. And take it easy on yourself, and know that what you're going through is one of the hardest things there is. Be good to yourself, and forgive yourself when you're jealous. It's totally normal and okay. |