Parenting as Religion

Anonymous
I thought this was excellent - and a good topic for all us parental devotees on DCUM.

http://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/


"The origins of the parenthood religion are obscure, but one of its first manifestations may have been the “baby on board” placards that became popular in the mid-1980s. Nobody would have placed such a sign on a car if it were not already understood by society that the life of a human achieves its peak value at birth and declines thereafter. A toddler is almost as precious as a baby, but a teenager less so, and by the time that baby turns fifty, it seems that nobody cares much anymore if someone crashes into her car. You don’t see a lot of vehicles with placards that read, “Middle-aged accountant on board.”
Anonymous
Love that quote. Interesting article. Thanks for sharing.
Anonymous
I would love to see that kind of sign on a car, heh.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I thought this was excellent - and a good topic for all us parental devotees on DCUM.

http://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/


"The origins of the parenthood religion are obscure, but one of its first manifestations may have been the “baby on board” placards that became popular in the mid-1980s. Nobody would have placed such a sign on a car if it were not already understood by society that the life of a human achieves its peak value at birth and declines thereafter. A toddler is almost as precious as a baby, but a teenager less so, and by the time that baby turns fifty, it seems that nobody cares much anymore if someone crashes into her car. You don’t see a lot of vehicles with placards that read, “Middle-aged accountant on board.”


No, but you do see a lot of vehicles with stick-figure families (plus pets) on the back.
Muslima
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought this was excellent - and a good topic for all us parental devotees on DCUM.

http://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/


"The origins of the parenthood religion are obscure, but one of its first manifestations may have been the “baby on board” placards that became popular in the mid-1980s. Nobody would have placed such a sign on a car if it were not already understood by society that the life of a human achieves its peak value at birth and declines thereafter. A toddler is almost as precious as a baby, but a teenager less so, and by the time that baby turns fifty, it seems that nobody cares much anymore if someone crashes into her car. You don’t see a lot of vehicles with placards that read, “Middle-aged accountant on board.”


No, but you do see a lot of vehicles with stick-figure families (plus pets) on the back.


stick figure families are the most annoying things ever but this article was quite interesting and fun to read! "That guy at the office who everyone thinks is a jerk was a kid once upon a time, and there’s a pretty good chance that his parents also noticed that he could be a jerk. They just weren’t allowed to say so". Totally agree with this..."

Back to the article, I think one of the main issues is that a lot of people identify as "mom","dad" once they have children and base their entire identity on parenthood. It’s no longer enough that women love their children. To be a truly committed parent, women are expected to be mothers above all else. It means that women are expected to be everything, and give up anything, or their children. Whatever women do that seems to separate them from “true” motherhood is seen as misguided, or at worst, selfish. If we formula-feed we’re not giving our babies the best start in life. If we work outside the home, we must do it with tremendous guilt and anxiety. Time away from our children in the form of an occasional movie or hobby is seen as a treat rather than an expected part of living a full life. This is why a lot of moms feel like they are not enough or worse, spiral to depression...
Anonymous
Muslima wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought this was excellent - and a good topic for all us parental devotees on DCUM.

http://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/


"The origins of the parenthood religion are obscure, but one of its first manifestations may have been the “baby on board” placards that became popular in the mid-1980s. Nobody would have placed such a sign on a car if it were not already understood by society that the life of a human achieves its peak value at birth and declines thereafter. A toddler is almost as precious as a baby, but a teenager less so, and by the time that baby turns fifty, it seems that nobody cares much anymore if someone crashes into her car. You don’t see a lot of vehicles with placards that read, “Middle-aged accountant on board.”


No, but you do see a lot of vehicles with stick-figure families (plus pets) on the back.


stick figure families are the most annoying things ever but this article was quite interesting and fun to read! "That guy at the office who everyone thinks is a jerk was a kid once upon a time, and there’s a pretty good chance that his parents also noticed that he could be a jerk. They just weren’t allowed to say so". Totally agree with this..."

Back to the article, I think one of the main issues is that a lot of people identify as "mom","dad" once they have children and base their entire identity on parenthood. It’s no longer enough that women love their children. To be a truly committed parent, women are expected to be mothers above all else. It means that women are expected to be everything, and give up anything, or their children. Whatever women do that seems to separate them from “true” motherhood is seen as misguided, or at worst, selfish. If we formula-feed we’re not giving our babies the best start in life. If we work outside the home, we must do it with tremendous guilt and anxiety. Time away from our children in the form of an occasional movie or hobby is seen as a treat rather than an expected part of living a full life. This is why a lot of moms feel like they are not enough or worse, spiral to depression...


Agreed, it is very sad. I work full time and I have a weekly sitter so that I get time with my husband. I also do ladies nights fairly often, and we entertain friends and neighbors at our house regularly. This is how I grew up and I never once thought my parents didn't love me. They were happy and we were all happy, and I didn't believe that the world revolved around me and what I wanted 24 hours/day. I try to emulate that environment with me kids, and so far so good. My kids are happy, well-behaved little people. No guilt.
Anonymous
What is also ironic is that as we live longer, parenting becomes a smaller and smaller piece of our overall lives. 20 years out of 80? Yet we value it like it is the eternal calling.
Anonymous
What a brilliant article! I recently attended a funeral for a 90 year old lady in my community and what I was struck by in all the eulogies was the fact that although she and her husband raised three sons (in the 1950's), they had their own lives the whole time. He participated in community organizations, and she played bridge and they attended progressive dinners on weekends and they had Christmas parties and fourth of july events -- and not everything they did revolved around their damned kids all the time. If a high school student had a basketball game, they often walked to the high school themselves and participated in the game and their parents did something else for the evening, like going out with other adults. She just seemed like such a whole, happy person and I realized that for most of us, our eulogies would have said "she drove the car around and took kids places." They would have used words like devoted to explain why we didn't have our own lives. I feel like our generation got cheated. We got robbed.
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