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What to do in this awful situation
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Anonymous
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A little background first. On the day of our son's first birthday almost 2 years ago my husband called me to tell me he was in jeopardy of losing his job because he was accessing porn sites from a computer at work. He works at a public school so to say this was dumb is an understatement. I was livid and I think I fell out of love with him on that day. He knew my background and what I put up with in a previous relationship and I thought he was everything I wanted in a husband and more. After that day I felt totally blindsided and never trusted him again. I tried to make myself believe that I still loved him because we have a child together, but I think I was lying to myself.
Fast forward to now. I am 6 months pregnant and we just got in a big physical fight and I have red marks on my face. This is the 2nd time he has physically abused me in the 4 years we have been together and the first time while being pregnant. I told him to leave, but he refused and would not let me leave with our son. I am thinking of leaving in the morning, but I have nowhere to go except try and get emergency shelter. I think the only reason I've stayed this long is because I have an older son from another relationship who is very bitter about not having his father involved in his life, by his father's choice not mine. I know not having the kids around will make my husband miserable, but I am miserable staying here knowing I am not happy. What would others do in this situation? |
Anonymous
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I would strongly suggest talking to a counselor, whether you leave immediately or not.
I'm sorry you're in this difficult position. In regards to your older son, it's understandable to not want to pull another father figure away from him or to repeat the issue with your younger children. On the flip side- is that behavior you want to see your children exhibit later in life? Something needs to be done before it escalates- because it pretty much always does eventually. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| during pregnancy is the most dangerous time for a women, especially when it comes to domestic violence. Leave him, and do it as fast as you possible can. What a sob for hitting a pregnant women, or women period. You are the person who he is suppose to protect, not beat. It will only get worse. Every time you let him get away with this action, is opening a door for another hit. Fuck him, get the hell out with your children while you can. |
Anonymous
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I am so sorry to hear about your situation.
I agree with the pp - there was recently a study out that showed that domestic violence has become the number one cause of death in pregnant women in the US. Do get out of this situation with your kids. It will be difficult, but is the right thing to do for all of you. |
Anonymous
| Get out FAST. Get to a safe place and then see an attorney FAST to protect yourself, your children and your assets. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry. This is absolutely awful. I imagine you must be feeling really shaken. I'm not sure where you're located in the D.C. area but check out the website below.
http://www.thewomenscenter.org/ |
Anonymous
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What you are going through sounds horrendous. I hope you are not being hard on yourself because of the struggle you are having in making a decision.
I volunteer for the City of Alexandria's Office on Women, which has a domestic violence shelter and a sexual assault hotline. Please call them for advice (I am a new volunteer and do not feel I could give you the very best advice that you deserve). They covet confidentiality and are so very kind. I think they can guide you in the right direction and possibly even offer you some services (sliding scale if necessary). Domestic Violence: 703-838-4911 Toll Free: (800)838-VADV Sexual Assault: 703-683-7273 Good luck to you, my friend. |
HrCreuzi
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Please leave. I was in an abusive relationship for far far too long. The extent of abuse did end up in the loss of a child.
Thankfully I have gotten out and have been truelly happy for the past 9 years. Good luck and take courage. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry your older son has no father in his life, but I believe that it's far more dangerous for him to have an abusive role model in his life. Is this what you want him to grow up believing is normal in a male/female relationship? I echo the previous posters -- leave now. This can only get worse. |
Anonymous
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Please leave.
You didn't say - but do you work?? I ask both for financial questions and also - if there is ANYONE you can talk to at work, then please do it. Have they seen you upset at work? maybe you can be helped out financially, or someone would be willing to open their home to you for a short while. Any family around?? |
Anonymous
| Please please please please leave. It does not help to have an abusive father figure over no father figure. Find resources, make a plan for leaving, then do it. You can do it!! |
Anonymous
| I agree, please leave as soon as you can. I believe that you and your baby are in danger. There's no excuse for what he did... total deal breaker. |