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I already KNOW I'm chubby
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Anonymous
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I'm 13 weeks pregnant, and every time I talk to my mom she brings up how I'm going to have to very careful not to gain too much weight. I was already a little chubby before getting pregnant, maybe about 15 pounds overweight. It's not like I don't see this in myself every single time I look in the mirror. But to be constantly reminded of it by someone else is really bringing me down. It took me 2 years to get pregnant, and I want to be able to enjoy every moment. I was enjoying everything until my mom started pushing my buttons. Now I'm obsessing about getting fat, and just feeling really bad about how I look. And I'm mad at myself for letting the comments affect me.
Of course I'm going to follow my doctors orders, eat healthy, and gain the weight he says I should I gain. So I guess I'm just going to have to find a way to tell my mom to shut up already. I just don't know how to do that diplomatically. |
Anonymous
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First of all, being 15 lbs overweight is not that much. I was significantly more overweight than that before becoming pregnant, and I've had a totally fine pregnancy -- blood pressure is fine, no gestational diabetes, etc. I was worried about gaining a lot of weight, too, but I haven't. You will probably find that when you're given guidelines by your doctor, you will follow them religiously because you're concerned about your pregnancy and baby. You can also go to a nutritionist for extra help/advice. I was worried that I wouldn't be a cute pregnant lady... but I am. You will (hopefully) find that as your pregnancy progresses and you begin to show -- and with support from your partner and/or friends/family (if not your mom) -- you feel good about the way you look pregnant.
I've had similar struggles with my mom, esp. when I got pregnant. Can you just directly tell your mom that you know you're over your ideal weight, that it's something you're concerned about, and that you're talking with your doctor about it? Also, it helped with my mom if I shared my concerns with her: "I know that watching my weight gain will be important; it is for everyone. My doctor recommends gaining X pounds. I'm already worried enough about this, and everything else about pregnancy, and when you talk to me about my weight -- something I already worry about -- it makes me feel worse." |
Anonymous
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My advice to you would be to let your mother know how her comments affect you and let her know that you want to enjoy and relish your pregnancy. Worrying about your weight will stress you out and more importantly will stress the baby out. Sure eating healthy during pregnancy will help you after the birth of your little darling to get back in shape more quickly but counting calories and fat grams obsessively will drive you nuts and will make you miserable. In the words of my mother, "so what if you have to have a milkshake during the day...YOUR BABY WANTS IT!...so enjoy it". Just as long as you are moving around and not sitting like a lump on a turd in front of the TV for the 9 months you should be able to get your weight back down after the birth.
Hope this helps...you also gotta remember your mom comes from a different time when low weight was a whole different issue and wasnt acheived in healthy manner. |
Anonymous
| Wow. It's nice that you're looking for a way to do it diplomatically, but I wouldn't worry about it. Just tell her to stop. That's crazy. She should be more concerned about a healthy baby than the way you look, and you should tell her that. Seriously, put a stop to it now. It's cruel. You will be a beautiful pregnant woman and you will glow. Eat healthy, walk, and don't worry about your weight. If you have a sister or another person that's close to both of you, you may ask them to say something to your mom too, if she doesn't take you seriously. I just can't believe it. Good luck to you and Congratulations! |
Anonymous
| I'm the 1st poster -- ditto what the above say. I hope my post didn't imply that you should obsess/worry about your weight or gaining weight. Just enjoy your pregnancy and believe that everything will be fine. If you're already concerned about your weight, you will probably 'naturally' adjust to eating healthy during pregnancy. I didn't count calories/grams, just tried to generally eat healthy and things have been fine. |
Anonymous
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Let me start by saying I love my mom to death. She is my sounding board on so many issues and I feel very fortunate to have such a good and healthy relationship with her. As I have become an adult, I have come to terms that A LOT of my body issues stem from her. She has always been consumed with her weight and always talked about how fat she looked, her latest diet, etc., etc. in front of me.
I have always been a little chubby too. Not that anyone would call me fat but "baby fat" since I was about eight years old. In middle school my mom had me get up before school and do a Jane Fonda tape every morning and I did Weight Watchers when I was fifteen for the first time. When I got pregnant the first time, I was probably in the best shape of my life. I stopped exercising because I was scared to do something to lose the pregnancy. Well the inactivity and going a little crazy eating wise resulted in a 50 pound weight gain. I am now pregnant with my second and I started off probably about 15 pounds over from where I was with my first. I'm trying to be healthier this time, exercising a little bit and just trying to enjoy the pregnancy. While home at Christmas I heard my mom on the phone telling her friend how she had to see this giant belly I came home with. I was 15 weeks at the time and really barely showing. It hurt my feelings a lot and I told her. The problem is I don't think she really hears me. She is always asking me how much I weigh, how she wants to get me a trainer so I continue to work out, etc., etc. I have a DS and am so scared to have a girl and that I will continue this pattern with her. I don't want her to have body image issues like I do. Just enjoy your pregnancy. I know my mom won't change but I'm going to call her out on it every time. I'm sure you look beautiful and what is most important is taking care of yourself as you prepare for your baby. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
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I hear you and I don't have any great advice just a very similar circumstance- - I'm chubby too and also about 15lbs overweight. We also tried for more than 2 years to get pregnant with many IVF treatments. Fortunately my mom hasn't mentioned it but my 92 year old grandmother said she's been telling people that I don't look pregnant just fat. When I expressed that I didn't think it was very nice she said "Would you rather I say chubby?"She's 92 and suffers from a little bit of dementia so I try to laugh about it. Hopefully the people she's been telling consider the source.
I am 34 weeks now I thought I was going to gain a TON of weight and while I tried to eat healthy I'm still a big fan of dessert. Surprisingly I've only gained 19 lbs so far. Hang in there, enjoy your pregnancy and eat when you are hungry! Good luck |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks everyone for your support and advice. First poster - I did not take your advice as needing to obsess at all. I think I will have a chat with my mom next time she does this (I won't have to wait too long!) and explain that it's hurting my feelings and keeping me from enjoying stuff. I do have 2 sisters I can talk to, but they are both in really amazing shape and I feel awkward discussing weight with them.
I thought about it a bit more this morning, and I think I should stop feeling sorry for myself and instead feel a little sorry for my mom. She has been overly concerned with looks as long as I can remember, and that is a little sad. But she has her good points too. I guess she means well, but it doesn't come out like that. She has been offering to take me shopping for maternity clothes, but the thought of having to listen to the judgements while trying on clothes is too much for me right now. So today, I'm treating myself to a shopping trip by myself. I feel better, thanks! |
Anonymous
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I don't know if this helps or not, but I'm not overweight and my mother is still on me about gaining too much weight during pregnancy. Back in her day, the doctors didn't want mothers to gain more than 25 pounds, and I'm way beyond that. And boy does she let me know. As much as I try to explain that doctors now think differently based on actual medical research, she doesn't hear it. So maybe your mother might also have a bit of this old advice ringing in her ears and she needs to be educated. And then told to shut up about it if the education/diplomacy doesn't work. I finally told my mother that there are certain topics that I'm just not going to discuss with her, like weight gain and the baby's name. You could also tell her that your doctor says stress is worse for mother/baby than gaining too much weight, so under medical advisement, you can't talk about the topics that cause you stress.
I hope you enjoy your pregnancy -- you have earned it! Pregnant bodies are just amazing. |
Anonymous
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Great advice above! Just wanted to say congrats on your pregnancy, OP, and also to share some things that worked for me in talking with my MIL (who is a very sweet person but slightly fixated on weight issues -- hers, mine and everyone else's.)
First, whenever she brings the topic up I find a way to work in the fact that I'm speaking with my doctor about maintaining a healthy pregnancy weight. Something like, "I asked my doctor about it last visit and she said my weight gain is right on track" or "My doctor is pleased with how my weight gain is going so far." I find that MIL respects the whole doctor-as-authority-figure thing and lets the topic go. Also, whenever referring to my weight gain (to MIL, to others, to MYSELF . . . ), I try to say things like, "The baby is gaining more weight this month" or "The baby is getting big". Sure, I'm gaining weight and getting big, too. But it's to benenfit the baby, and I find that it's important for me to remind myself of this. After all, the weight gain is not cosmetic -- it's for the baby's growth and survival! And finally, I just remind myself to trust my body. As I head into the home stretch, I'm amazed by how much wisdom my body's shown throughout the pregnancy -- including adjusting for the 10 lb. "head start" I had when I got pregnant. I have no doubt your body will do the same. Just HAVE FUN and pay attention to the cues your body gives you about when and what to eat (including snacks and fun things!), and keep up a dialogue about it with your doctor for reassurance. CONGRATS and enjoy this time -- pregnancy is truly amazing! |
Anonymous
| You'll have tp learn to ignore your mom on many things once you have your own baby. Things are vry different now. Many grandmas are either clueless or take it as a personal insult when today's recomendations and safety standards differ from what they did. My MIL bragged about how she only gained 10lb with hubby by dieting and smoking while pregnant! |
Anonymous
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Is your mom worried about your weight/health or your appearance? Big difference. If she is genuinely worried about you putting on the pounds perhaps she fears you'll get diabetes, preclampsia, etc. If it is a vanity thing then perhaps you can suggest the two of you go on a shopping trip to the mall to find great maternity clothes that give you a more shapely appearance.
Also, try not to over react. Hormones are all over the place and, if you are anything like me, I was super sensitive to comments people made to me - even non-pregnancy related things and would get super emotional. Congrats! |
Anonymous
| My family are so obsessed with weight, I think is a south american thing. My mom will constantly tell me not gain too much weight during pregnancy, and she used to say "I only gain 19LBs with you and your sister, and was able to get into my jeans within a week of getting out of the hospital" UGH that made me so mad. I've always been the hefty girl in our family, although I was 120lBS before pregnancy. Anyways, I ended up only gaining 25Lbs, but it is now 6 months PP and I am 12LBS over my PP weight. So, I saw my family during the holidays and everyone had something to say about my weight, but I am use to it. But, I am happy with the way I look, I exercise 3-4 times a week, and i eat semi-healthy, I don't know if i ever be the same weight i was before, but I am happy and my husband thinks I am sexy, so that is all that matters. |
Anonymous
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OP here. It's definitely appearance my mom is concerned with, not health. I don't think she even knows about any health issues with gaining too much weight during pregnancy. We've been having this battle over my weight since before I was pregnant, so it's nothing new. But it never made me cry before. The hormones are definitely getting me more emotional. This last time my mom made a comment about my weight, I got off the phone and cried for an hour! That's not like me. It has always hurt my feelings that she seems to care more about what I look like than how I'm feeling, but I used to be able to blow it off better.
But I went out yesterday and bought some cute maternity clothes, and I like how I look in them. I'm looking forward to getting a little bigger and filling out that belly section! |
zumbamama
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| I was in the same boat. I have always struggled with an extra 15. Then when I got pregnant...I just let go and piled on an extra 60. Yes, 60! I got all kinds of remarks from my family. The aunts and grandmothers are the worst...saying I look 6 months preg. when I was only 3. They'd rant about my weight in Filipino, thinking I don't understand, but I do. I just shrugged it off until I'd get mad and start picking on them back. Oh, 2 new wrinkles on your forehead, grandma....better put more night cream. What are those two new dimples on your rear, auntie? Better walk them off! That shut them up, especially when I say it Filipino! If they can dish it out, so can you, in a nice tone of voice, of course! |