How to feel about this?

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[Post New]07/28/2014 20:06
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Muslima
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Anonymous wrote:
Muslima wrote:If you think this will affect your relationship, the best thing to do is talk to her about it, and how you feel about her lying to you. Give her a chance to tell her side of the story, and also share how you feel about the whole ordeal. You are sisters for life, don't let money come between you~



I felt her instantly back off when I didn't believe it. I think she thought I would be stupid and just go with it blindly. She would be VERY VERY uncomfortable if I mentioned it again. She hates conflict,


In that case, just let it go and move past it. How is your relationship otherwise? Can you rely on her for other things? Just be careful with Money around her since you already know she has issues with it. I'd be curious to know though why she said they owed her $20k, maybe she has money issues?
[Post New]07/28/2014 20:20
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Anonymous
I don't think you forgive someone just because they are family. Bad people are bad people and if they are related to you they are just harder to get out of your life.
[Post New]07/28/2014 21:11
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Anonymous
Muslima wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Muslima wrote:If you think this will affect your relationship, the best thing to do is talk to her about it, and how you feel about her lying to you. Give her a chance to tell her side of the story, and also share how you feel about the whole ordeal. You are sisters for life, don't let money come between you~



I felt her instantly back off when I didn't believe it. I think she thought I would be stupid and just go with it blindly. She would be VERY VERY uncomfortable if I mentioned it again. She hates conflict,


In that case, just let it go and move past it. How is your relationship otherwise? Can you rely on her for other things? Just be careful with Money around her since you already know she has issues with it. I'd be curious to know though why she said they owed her $20k, maybe she has money issues?


She always has money issues, she gambles in stocks.
She said they owed her money because she wanted an extra free 20k. She didn't specify the alleged reason that they would have borrowed it for.
Our relationship is otherwise good, except she keeps me in the dark about the money. There is still one property we are selling and she never tells me anything about it.
[Post New]07/28/2014 21:11
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you forgive someone just because they are family. Bad people are bad people and if they are related to you they are just harder to get out of your life.


I still wouldn't label her a bad person. Maybe I'm crazy.
[Post New]07/28/2014 21:24
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Anonymous

I'm not sure what you're after OP.

My cousins and I survived a massive multigenerational feud over my grandparents' inheritance (30 years ago, but court proceedings dragged on for more than 20 years). There were liars on all sides, and beneficiaries and their lawyers making off with valuable pieces of the frozen assets before they had even been tallied and valued.
My aunt, who was supposed to be on the side of the angels, stole some emerald jewelry that had been willed to me, claiming my dying grandmother had changed her mind at the last minute. Right. She sold it immediately.

Anyway. No need to confront your sister, since it will not make her change, and both of you know what happened. It only confirms your opinion of her, doesn't it?
I understand that wondering whether she stole from your parents is quite painful. Could you get proof somewhere? Has her style of living changed significantly? Have you recognized their belongings at her place?
If there is no proof, try to forget about it.
Enjoy her company, and never tempt her with your possessions.
[Post New]07/28/2014 21:31
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Anonymous

21:24 again.

Just read your last.
Can you nag her into getting more info?

Also, was she the one closest to them in their last years?
Siblings who are the primary caregivers often feel put upon and owed to by the rest of the family. Perhaps this is her internal justification for pilfering the estate.
It's why my aunt stole the emeralds at any rate.


[Post New]07/28/2014 22:04
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Anonymous
You smoked her out. Good.

Now you confirmed she lies and cannot be trusted. Continue your relationship on a lighter level, with that in mind.
Don't bother trying to get an apology or confession, rarely happens with such people.
[Post New]07/28/2014 22:17
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Anonymous
Death brings out the worst in people.
And I am talking about you OP.

Both my parents have passed and it's been many, many years. $20K - drop in the bucket when all is said in done. She didn't even end up taking the money.

I was the executor for my mother's will. I have 3 siblings. Everything was to be split evenly. Well it didn't end up that way and along the way some siblings ended up with more and some of us with less but in the end, 20 years out, it just doesn't matter at all.
[Post New]07/28/2014 22:31
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Death brings out the worst in people.
And I am talking about you OP.

Both my parents have passed and it's been many, many years. $20K - drop in the bucket when all is said in done. She didn't even end up taking the money.

I was the executor for my mother's will. I have 3 siblings. Everything was to be split evenly. Well it didn't end up that way and along the way some siblings ended up with more and some of us with less but in the end, 20 years out, it just doesn't matter at all.


So,I'm a bad person? Why? Because I won't believe lies?
[Post New]07/28/2014 23:28
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Death brings out the worst in people.
And I am talking about you OP.

Both my parents have passed and it's been many, many years. $20K - drop in the bucket when all is said in done. She didn't even end up taking the money.

I was the executor for my mother's will. I have 3 siblings. Everything was to be split evenly. Well it didn't end up that way and along the way some siblings ended up with more and some of us with less but in the end, 20 years out, it just doesn't matter at all.


So,I'm a bad person? Why? Because I won't believe lies?


Actually, it's not about you being a bad person. It's actually a facet of grieving. When you passing through the stages and move on to acceptance, you will discover yourself that this is such a non-issue.
[Post New]07/29/2014 08:20
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Anonymous
Let it go. How would confronting your sister at this point help? It might make you feel better, but it is not going to help your relationship.

You admit you realize she has faults as a person. Keep money out of your relationship and you will be fine.

If the estate's been settled, you need to let the whole thing go. The time's past, you should have asked for an audit when it was still active or right after it was settled if you didn't trust her as the executor.
[Post New]07/29/2014 09:37
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Anonymous
I probably wouldn't say anything at this point, but I certainly wouldn't trust her with money ever. I wouldn't loan her money, I wouldn't give her any information about my finances, and I would ensure that she didn't have any access whatsoever to my accounts. Hell, I'd probably lock up my checkbook and password-protect my computer if she was over at the house.
[Post New]07/29/2014 09:39
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Death brings out the worst in people.
And I am talking about you OP.

Both my parents have passed and it's been many, many years. $20K - drop in the bucket when all is said in done. She didn't even end up taking the money.

I was the executor for my mother's will. I have 3 siblings. Everything was to be split evenly. Well it didn't end up that way and along the way some siblings ended up with more and some of us with less but in the end, 20 years out, it just doesn't matter at all.


I disagree. The OP is upset because her sister lied to her. That's totally different than being upset that you didn't get what you considered "your share" of the estate.
[Post New]07/29/2014 09:42
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Anonymous
Stealing from the estate leaves very bad feelings all around -- and they tent to last forever. 10, 20 years later people are still talking about it. Your sister seems to want you to OK her theft since she told you about it when it could have been hidden. It is up to you how you want to handle it. One thing for certain -- I would never trust her around money again.
[Post New]07/29/2014 10:17
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Anonymous
OP, you know your sister lies and steals money. That's all you need to know. It's over and done with. You can still love her and have some kind of a relationship with her, but simply keep a boundary where she never has anything to do with you and money.

There's no point harping on her trying to steal. You called her out on it and now you know all you need to know. It's over.

The extent to which people get wrapped up in their feelings of entitlement to a dead person's money completely floors me.
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