Appropriate consequence for this behavior?
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Anonymous
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I dropped my 8 year old DD off in front of the school where she attends a summer class. She has been doing this for 2 weeks and usually goes upstairs on her own. Apparently, she waits for other kids to actually enter the class room. Today nobody else showed up and she did not make her presence known to the teacher. After a while she decided to just walk home.
I am angry because while the teacher was waiting for her in the class room and did not know she was somewhere in the school building, she never thought of checking with the teacher or anybody else in the school about the class. Second, even though she knows that I am picking her up, she decided to walk home and on a back road no less! Luckily I saw her walking when I meant to pick her up. How would you punish for this? |
Anonymous
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Punish? It sounds like she didn't really know what to do and there was no one checking out for her.
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Anonymous
| This sounds just like one of my kids. I don't think punishing is the answer. I try to give my kid "challenges" every day -- I choose him to be the one to ask a stranger for directions or to place our ice cream order etc. instead of the more outgoing one. Some kids can't assert themselves and punishing them doesn't help. I could be wrong but that's my take on the same kind of kid. |
Anonymous
Agree. I wouldn't punish. I would just lay out my expectation for the future and ask if she wants me to walk her to her class since none of her friends seem to be there this week. |
Anonymous
| Don't punish a child for not knowing how things work in the adult world or the adult mind. Use it as an educational opportunity. |
baltimoreguy
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I don't see the need for a punishment, so much as an explanation of why her behavior was wrong.
Maybe you could tell her that from now on, you will have to walk into class with her to make sure she gets where she's supposed to be. Like she's lost the privilege of going in alone. |
Anonymous
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Doesn't sound punish-worthy to me, either. I'd walk her through what she should do instead.
I'm surprised you can just drop off at a class. I have to sign my 7 year old in at most camps this summer. Maybe you should walk her in or give her a cell phone in case of emergency. I saw a boy about the same age get dropped off at Georgetown Prep last winter when the activity had been cancelled. If not for a nice dad, that kid would have been sitting in a nearly empty dark hall for two hours. |
Anonymous
| This is something that would result in a couple of big talks about safety, about doing things that scare us, etc. But I definitely would not punish her for this. |
Anonymous
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Actually I think that I would praise my daughter for independent problem-solving.
And then I would ask her to, in the future, please stay where she is supposed to be, when we have agreed on a location for me to pick her up. |
Anonymous
| She got confused and didn't know what to do. She'e 8. Don't punish her. Explain to her what to do next time something like that happens. |
Anonymous
| Why don't you walk her in? I can understand not walking in on a regular school day when there are tons of other kids, but it sounds like the school is pretty empty. |
Anonymous
| i personally wouldn't punish her either.... for her to walk home and you meeting her along the way when you went to pick her meant that she had to take a long long walk home! You are lucky too that she didn't get lost! |
Anonymous
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Agreed, don't punish her. You do need to talk with her about what to do when she's unsure what to do.
No kids came, so she didn't know what to do. What should she do? Possible answers: Look around, see if her teacher's in the room. Look around, see if there's another adult to help. Go to the front desk, ask to borrow the phone to call you. You also need to give her rules for what to do when she's lost. When you're lost, stay put. Two people trying to find each other will just miss each other. Exception: if you've previously identified a place to go when you're lost. For example, my daughter knows if I "should have" picked her up from school but I haven't, she's to go to the front desk. This has a couple of benefits - we both know where to find her if she's lost, and there's a phone so she can call me and let me know where she is. If you feel like you might feel safe with her walking, I'd also walk the path with her a few times to make sure she has it, then establish some rules (call before heading home) and go with it. Sounds like you have a smart, brave kid! |
Anonymous
+1 I also question the drop off procedures; my children always had to be signed into a summer program at that age. I think an 8 year old is too young to be wandering around any school when it is not the normal school year. |
Anonymous
| I would take away something for a few days. She skipped school. I would also park and walk her to the classroom for the rest of school. |