The glass is half empty...
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Anonymous
| ...and my husband can prove it. Any advice about how to deal with a spouse that is not depressed but is in the habit of living in a near-constant state of irritation? Any testimonials out there from reformed pessimists? Or suggestions for antidotes for irritable male syndrom? Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Usually it involves persuading his wife to stop being such a critical, nagging bitch. |
Anonymous
Oh Snap!! 
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Anonymous
| OP here: Guess I walked into that one... |
Anonymous
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Are you a glass half full person OP? Always seeing the best in people (including your DH) and always looking on the bright side of things?
Or are you also frequently frustrated and irritable? |
Anonymous
| How do you know he is not depressed or suffering from anxiety? Is he willing to see a therapist (with or without you)? Is he happy the way he is? If he is resistant to changing his outlook on life (which I'm guessing must be the case given your post) your best approach is to talk with a therapist about the situation and how to avoid having his moods affect yours, how to communicate more positively with your husband, and to discuss whether your husband may benefit from joint therapy. People don't just wake up one morning and feel happy and non-stressed. Doesn't work that way. |
Anonymous
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Near constant state of irritability does sound like depression. Depression in men looks different than depression in women, and constant irritability and low level anger that can build and explode through in aggression (overreaction) is the main mood symptom.
Has he been assessed for depression? I am not saying it is depression, some people are pessimists but pessimists are generally negative in their attitude but not always irritable. |
Anonymous
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OP: Thank you, PPs. Interesting that irritability could be undiagnosed depression. DH would be offended at any suggestion that he is depressed (rather the problem is that everyone else is so incompetent and annoying....) or would benefit from seeing a therapist, but I'm sure I can find advice on-line about the best ways to suggest that someone be screened for depression.
To answer the earlier PP, my perception (for what that is worth) is that I have a much more positive and easy- going temperment than DH. I'm not saying this is anything I have "earned" by cultivating it -- just lucky to be born with it and/ or maybe picked up from my laid-back parents. And it also means that I am not overall as passionate about things and thus I am more passive than I should be about injustices in the world, etc. One of the positive things about DH reacting so strongly and negatively to the "small stuff" is that he also is passionate about the bigger things in life and his convictions. But generally I don't get nearly as irritated by the day-to-day inconveniences of life and I find it increasingly draining to be around DH. Commiserating and sympathizing seem to sometimes increase rather than reduce the complaining and DH understandably finds "pointing out the bright side" to be annoying. I feel myself withdrawing more and more and want to find more effective ways of communicating. Sometimes I think DH is not nearly as unhappy as he comes across at times but he just enjoys the venting or has made it a habit. But it is starting to make me not want to be around him and to walk on eggshells when I am. As one PP suggested, counseling for me is probably a good place to start. |
polychromatic
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I can also not be full blown depression, but a lesser form which does not present as what most people think of depression.
The first step in any solution is admission of a problem, Until then nothing constructive can happen. |