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How do you handle "Mommy, please don't go to work today"?
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Anonymous
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I am obviously, from the subject line above, a mother who works outside the home. My DS, 4.5 years old, has taken to semi-regularly verbalizing his obvious preference for me to stay home with him. He attends pre-school five days a week for half days and a baby sitter is with him the rest of the day until DH or I get home at 6pm. I don't hear him saying this to DH. We have had a recent transition from one babysitter to another (friends actually!). But, I don't track this verbalizing beginning at this time. It began prior. It is breaking my heart. I actually try to take half days or full days off during the week, just so I am home with both kids (DD is 21 months), but I obviously can't do this all of the time. My question is two fold:
1. how do you respond to your children to ensure you maintain their confidence and happiness and ensure they KNOW you are always coming home? 2. how do you keep from crying all the way to work? Thanks much...I can't imagine I am the only one who has faced this???? |
pollyanna
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Site Admin Offline
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I feel for you because my 5 y/o does the same thing and it breaks my heart. Anyway I was quite taken aback the other day when I told him that I may lose my job because my firm is downsizing - thinking that would make him happy. He only turned to me and said "I hope that doesn't happen because we won't have enough money" (I always tell him that the only reason why I work is because we need the money).
I think our little ones know what pulls our heart strings. They know we hug and kiss them and give them extra attention whenever they tell us they need us and sometimes these words are just a euphemism for conveying their need for a few minutes of TLC they know will come from those words. As long as they have a good carer who provides the right amount of attention and stimulation, while being with mommy will always be preferable, I don't think pine away in the time we are away from them. Cheer up. |
Anonymous
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I always tell my son how much fun my work is -- NEVER that I work for the money. When I travel for work, I always tell my son about the exciting things I do and what I have learned. If I convey that I'm not happy with leaving him, then of course he won't be happy with it either.
This is so far working. DS is 5 and has never complained about my working. In fact, he declared the first day of my maternity leave with his little brother, "weird." |
Anonymous
| I think the most important thing is to acknowledge their feelings. I used to say, "Oh, you want me to stay home instead of going to work?" "Yes!" "That makes me feel so good! I really love to spend time with you, too. I wish we could spend the whole day together. That would be fun, wouldn't it?" "Yes!" "Well, when I come home at 6 o'clock, let's do something fun then, okay?" "Yeah! Let's make a craft project/bake cookies/build towers!" "Great! I can't wait to see you at 6. Bye!" With this kind of exchange, I believe a child comes away feeling understood, loved, and good about the relationship. |
Anonymous
| I also never tell my children that my job is about money (which would be a joke anyway, given how much I make!). I want them to know that work is an important part of my life and something that I enjoy, just as school is for them. My daughter still says sometimes, "I wish I could stay home with you," but I remind her that I'm going to the office, that she will have a good day at school, and that I will be there to pick her up and we'll have a good time at home afterward. |
Anonymous
| P.S. My older one is 4 1/2 now, and she now understands much better about work, but when she was younger, we found it was helpful to read books together that deal with separation and work. I highly recommend, "When Mama Comes Home Tonight" and "Oh My Baby, Little One." |