11yr old wants to go on a date
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Anonymous
| Hi. My 11yr old DS said he wants to take a girl out for dinner at a restaurant. A colleague with older kids says her rule is no dating one on one until 18. Just hanging out in groups. These seem like opposite end of the spectrum. I'm interested in others' views/rules about dating at various tween and teen ages. Thanks! |
Anonymous
| 11?!? Umm no way. You would seriously be ok with your 11 year old boy and an 11 year old girl eating by themselves at a restaurant? If I was sitting next to them, I would wonder where their parents are. |
Anonymous
OP here. No, of course I wouldn't allow it and told him no when he first mentioned it. I'm just thinking about the future and how others handle this kind of thing as the kids get older. |
Anonymous
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I would insist on talking more about this. Which girl? What does he like about her? What does he think her reaction will be to being asked out on a date? Which restaurant? Is he prepared to pay for said date? What does he think the girl will think of him because of him taking her to dinner? Why not lunch? Why not an ice cream after school?
OP, has he recently discovered romance? Did he recently see a movie with a kid around his age deciding he liked a girl? It's a weird thing. If my 10 year old comes to me next year to say a boy in her grade asked her out on a date, I would tell her "You can let him know that your mom says you're too young to date." Because even the most mature 11 year old is not mature enough to date. |
Anonymous
| My 11 DD says that at camp, some of the other sixth graders were having romances. I was happy to here that DD thought it was gross. |
Anonymous
Even the most mature 11-year-old is mature enough to date, if you think of "dating" the way the 11-year-olds I know think of dating -- meaning (mostly) sitting next to each other on the bus. When I was 11, we called this "going together". |
Anonymous
| We don't believe in dating. When one is ready for marriage they may consider courting the opposite sex. Before then, there are more important things to focus on. |
Anonymous
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I had my first date at age 14 (freshman year of high school)--me and a boy who was 16 and could drive.
I guess I would be comfortable with that for my kids. |
Anonymous
But OP's kid isn't saying, "Mom, I'm going to ask Larla if she wants to sit next to me on the bus, like EVERY day. Because I'm thinking maybe we could date." He's saying he wants to take her out to dinner at a restaurant. |
Anonymous
| I think pairing off and 'dating' at 11 is ridiculous. They can like each other, have a school "boyfriend/girlfriend" but they don't need to be in a romantic relationship going on 1:1 dates. they aren't emotionally, physically or sexually ready for an involved romantic pairing. |
Anonymous
There is a difference between an 11 year old boy and a 16 year old boy... |
Anonymous
Seems like most people disagree with me, but I think it is fine for an 11 year old boy and girl to go to eat together at a casual restaurant. I went on a few "dates" at pizza places, diners etc. at ages 11 and 12. It was not a big deal, and it definitely didn't accelerate my interest in having sex/getting serious with someone. |
Anonymous
| How about a "double date" with you and DH? Dating and chaperone for the kids and date night for mom and dad. |
Anonymous
| At 13, my son and his date went to the movies, but I sat right behind them. They had a lot of fun and some sense of independence, but I was there watching every move (nothing happened except the girl waggled her feet around in her pretty pink shoes!). My son and the girl are both quite "young" for their age, so this worked for them. |
maril332
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Ok, so to the PP who said that they are not "sexually mature". I don't think they are thinking of hitting the sheets.
They just see something in each other that they like. It may or (likely) may not be "forever" (hell I'd doubt their relationship will last till November!), so why are you making it a big deal. They are just kids and they want to have independence and be with each other. What's wrong with that? It's actually sad that as adults we have to bring sexuality into these things. |