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PPD or just exhausted and stressed?
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Anonymous
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DD is 14 weeks now. Some days are better than others, but I am still having days where I cry. I am more and more crabby and bitchy to DH. I find myself getting frustrated with DD when she's crying- I have never and would not hurt her, but I find that I'm not as "sweet" and cuddly to her all the time anymore. I have had to put her down let her scream and walk out of the room on more of a consistent basis this week. I do shower and get dressed daily, but sometimes it's a struggle. I feel as if I'm doing everything. DH has never put her to sleep or gotten up with her in the middle of the night. I am nursing and DH travels for work so all of the feedings have fallen on me. On average I'm getting 5-8 hours of sleep at night-- completely interrupted as she still wakes at least twice between 9:30P and 7A to eat. I do not have family nearby and am new to the area so I have limited friends here as well. I'm feeling overwhelmed, lonely, just not myself and really in a rut. Anyone else been there? If so what have you done to overcome it? anyone tried antidepressants? I never have and never thought I would, I'm just feeling somewhat desperate. |
Anonymous
| Talk to your ob/gyn as soon as possible. It is hard being a new mom without much support. Maybe you would feel a lot better if you found a moms group to join? Or, just get out of the house a little bit. Fresh air can make a big difference. Ask your DH, when he is in town, to pick up some of the childcare duties. Bathing/bedtime should be your time to yourself if you're doing everything else. Can you hire a babysitter for an hour or two each week? Go get yourself a mani/pedi or just take a nap. Mother's helpers are usually younger girls but maybe there's one in your neighborhood that can come give you a hand after school. A happy mom means a happy family and you've got to take care of your needs too. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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I felt almost exactly like you andI think I'm just coming out of it - sort of. My DH also doesn't do night feedings and my DS wasn't a good sleeper until a couple of weeks ago. He is 7 months now and I ended up with terrible insomnia so I could cry most days because now DS is sleeping and I'm not. We also have no family in the area and most of my friends were "work friends" and I only see them for the occasional lunch. Is there a mom's group/club you could join just to get out of the house. I've found that even when I am at my most weary it helps a ton to interact with other people. - sometimes even the ones at Target.
I think it is easier said than done as it relates to "making DH help" The only thing that really got through to him were a couple of mini meltdowns that I had. I hadn't been crying at all and when I did he squirmed like crazy. But as my mom says, if he won't help then hire someone who will. Outsource, outsource outsource. Where are you located OP? |
Anonymous
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OP here- we're in NW out by Chevy Chase. I have mentioned hiring a sitter b/c I'm not working right now and DH is consulting (Making way less then before) money is tighter than we're used to. |
Anonymous
| I would call and chat with your OBGYN. It sounds to me like your body might be flirting with PPD. I struggled with PPD and NEVER imagined that I would be someone who would struggle. It started out as you describe and then I just was crying more and more. I am not a person to cry. I was also still enough aware to hide it from people with the exception of my best friend who is a mother and picked up on my extreme anxiety and worry associated with bouts of crying. I went on low dose Zoloft, continued to breast feed, and felt SO much better. I am close to my mom and called her and she came and spent a week with me as well which was really helpful. Also finding a moms group or some sort of place for adult interaction will help SO much. |
Anonymous
| I'm not sure where you delivered, but here in NOVA the INOVA hospitals all have new moms support groups that have a nurse facilitator. They are a great way to meet other new moms in your area and get your questions answered by a nurse. I'd call the hospital you delivered at and ask if they run any programs like this. |
juliesmcgovern@mac.com
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Member Offline
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Hi OP
It does sound like a combination of depression and exhaustion. I am a big believer in antidepressants. I have taken zoloft through two pregnancies and nursing. If you're worried, there's enough anecdotal evidence that it's safe for breastfeeding babies, adn way healthier than a parent who can't cope. There haven't been studies sadly. There's also a medical researcher in a southern university (I'm thinking maybe in Atlanta) who specializes in this, and has great materials. I wish I remembered his name or university. Also, I have a 5 mo old who still wakes up 3x a night (argh) and I did all night feedings until I realized a couple of weeks ago that I just needed help. I gave DH an assignment: any wakeup before 2 am is yours. Use formula. I'll take the ones after. That works for us because DH is a night owl. By the 2 to 4 am feedings he's too zombified to be useful, which is why my earlier attempts for assistance were more frustrating that useful. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I would recommend hiring someone to help you out and to give you a break a few times a week. I never did with the first one when she was an infant (until she was a year old) and I paid the price. Exhaustion, depression, anxiety, you name it.
I swore that I would not be a martyr with the second one. It's just not worth it!! Try getting more help before anti-depressants I say... |
Anonymous
| hello! I felt the same way during those first few months. Hang in there! I had no family in the area, but did have a friend who had a baby the same age as my son so we exchanged feelings/stories/etc. that helped me a lot. I felt helpless when my son would just cry and cry and cry or he wouldn't go to sleep so your feelings are legitimate and normal. It will all get better and easier in due time...but it does take awhile. I know myself and know that my crabby, helpless, emotional self was a result of me first and foremost, tired and of course, overwhelmed! You know yourself better than anyone else, so if you think it's more than just being tired talk to your doctor. Good luck and hang in there!!! |
Anonymous
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Finds a moms group! It will save your life...mine did!
Also, pick a weekend and tell your husband that he is going to get up with the baby TWO nights in row (Friday & Saturday) so that you can sleep 8 hours straight for two nights. One night is not enough. DO NOT worry about your supply. Only pump if its so painful that you can't fall back asleep and DO NOT go to the baby. Sleep in the basement/guest room/family room or wherever you won't hear the baby. Trust me, you will feel like a new person. Tell your husband he can nap during the day or sleep in (like he'll do the 11p-7a shift and you'll take over at 7am.) Do not ask him but kindly and lovingly tell him that you desperately need him to do this. |
Anonymous
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Talk to your OB right away about what you are going through. It sounds like it very well could be PPD, but they will help you to assess the situation. Antidepressants can make a world of difference.
Also, speak with your husband and let him know that you are overwhelmed and that you need him to step up. Things usually fall to moms to do, but if you let him know how you are feeling, maybe he will take on more things? During the day when the baby is napping, make sure you do too. Lack of sleep can be a major factor in you not feeling like yourself. And, is it possible to have a family member make a trip to come and stay with you for a bit to help out? Good luck, OP - keep us posted on how you are doing. |
Anonymous
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You need more support.
And you might have PPD. Get diagnosed, and see if you can find someone (husband, friend, paid, whatever) and try to get a few hours a day to unwind. Pick the easiest path to getting that time off and address DH's contribution later. Best of luck! |