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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
When your husband is paranoid and you just want to survive the day
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Anonymous
| DH thinks there's danger lurking around every corner for our DS. DS is a VERY active 14 m.o. who's into everything and I get a little lax about things like letting him carry around a tube of vaseline or batting at the blind cords. I KNOW that I should ALWAYS keep the cords out of the way and that sucking down vaseline isn't really healthy (but neither is it poisonous) if I can't get to him in time. We've babyproofed, but there's only so much you can do, and quite frankly, as primary caretaker I get tired and think "if carrying around a tube of vaseline makes him happy and I can do X, why not"? I don't let him to anything seriously dangerous, but DH is a lot more risk averse than me. We've argued and argued about it and he says I disregard what he says, which I do sometimes because I don't think something's dangerous and I want a little peace in the house. Where's the middle ground? I can get the cords out of the way, but I think it's ridiculous (and exhausting) to hover over DS more than I already do. |
Anonymous
| I am with your DH on this. You have to protect your child, cords in their reach, vasiline in their reach is not protecting, it is endangering them. It is a pain, but if you just spend one good day really baby proofing, which means your child could not get to either of the items you mentioned, your life would be easier, and DH happier. Bad things happen and you would hate it if it did, and you could of prevented it. |
Anonymous
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I think that if your husband is concerned about your son, you should be thrilled. Dismissing his feelings is never okay. You guys need to have a nice talk and try to compromise. But try not to dismiss his concerns. Maybe you can let your husband take more control when he is around and that would make him feel better. Try to do some of the things he's asking (like keeping the cords up on the blinds)...and make sure the cap is on the tube of vaseline (poisonous or not, it can make you son ill to ingest it....it's PETROLEUM jelly)
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Anonymous
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meh...
In an ideal world, all your cords would be out of reach, and your child would not enjoy carrying the vaseline around... ... but "endagering"??? That seems a bit much to me. I think there are a lot of standard household hazards that do not have to be completely removed in order to be safe. cords within reach of the crib? get rid of them. cords in your living room? When the baby can only reach them if he climbs on the sofa and leaps from the back? meh... I think you and hubby need to sit down and talk, because if he's really worried about his child, you need to make some comprimises. Imagine how you would feel if someone (say a nanny) was doing something with your son that you REALLY THOUGHT was very dangerous? That said, nothing in this world is ever safe... and its unreasonable to believe that you are going to watch your child (even a young child) EVERY second of EVERY minute of EVERY day. Tackle the big items, don't sweat the small stuff. (And for my two cents, the rule on the vaseline would be "its fine until he becomes even remotely interested in getting the thing open -- then it goes buh-bye") |
Anonymous
Yeah, I'm totally with PP. Don't sweat the small stuff - it makes you become a neurotic, hovering helicopter parent!!! And we have too many of those in this community already. OP, I'm pretty sure you and I would be good friends.  My neighbor and friend would also like you. I remember her telling me about the pediatrician she found for her baby boy and how someone told her "well, did you interview them? Because you have to agree with the way they practice, of course." And her response was "I agree with the fact that they are 1.2 miles from my house, that's what I agree with!"
Ok, kind of a side note, but I thought it was a funny story about her idea of not being a crazy parent. |
Anonymous
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I agree with PP(12:46) - you definitely have to pick your battles. If you husband is uncomfortable with these things my suggestion to you is to tell him that you are exhausted and if could take care of it that would be great... for example... there are things you can put on the cords to keep them out of reach. Suggest he go to Babies R Us and pick some up... that way he will feel more comfortable and you will be no more the exhausted. I let my DS hold ButtPaste while I change him so I don't get poop all over the place. I watch him and know that he isn't eating it - as I am sure you do - but if it keeps me from changing the whole changing table, his outfit and mine I think it is worth it. Some toddlers are more active than others. Sounds like your little one and mine would be best of friends... although I am not sure what happens when you mix ButtPaste with Vaseline
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Anonymous
| Every parent has a different parenting style. You need to respect your husband's style AND your husband must respect your style. That means no complaining, second-guessing, and handwringing about Little Johnny handling a tube of vaseline for two seconds. |
Anonymous
| Not only is there only so much you can do, but young kids need to figure out some dangers on their own. If they live in a bubble, then once they enter the real world, they could get REALLY hurt. In my house, anything really sharp or poisonous is either up high or in a locked cabinet. We have a door handle cover on the door to the basement, and covers over the knobs to the gas stove. But we don't pad the corners of tables, or have latches on every cabinet or drawer. Kids need to be able to explore. They also need to know if they fool around near a table corner, they might get hurt; sometimes telling them just isn't enough. If your son tastes the vaseline, he probably won't do it again. That isn't to say he won't decorate your walls with it... I hear from my mom that it's NOT easy to clean off. |
Anonymous
This is PERFECT! Love it... 
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zumbamama
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| It's great he's concerned with safety, but some people are, jumpy, overly paranoid, always on guard...like my DH! He reminds me the risk analyst Ben Stiller played on Along Came Polly (the paranoia anyway). haha |
Anonymous
| I would let your husband watch DC for a week at home and I think he may alter his view just slightly. It is hard to prevent everything and you don't want to end up saying 'No' all the time and battling with DC. |
Anonymous
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I think there is a power thing going on between you two that needs to be addressed. Does your husband spend time alone with the boy? I mean, many hour stretches when he also has to also be responsible for feeding?
A working parent has to relinquish control of some small things. He has a point about the cords (cut the bottom so there are no loops, and you are done), but the vaseline thing is silly. You can't watch a 14 month old every second - they move too fast. They get into stuff and sometimes they get hurt. |
Anonymous
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Gosh, both my husband and I let the little guy hold the vaseline container while we're changing him. And it's not a tube but the heavy-ish tub. We must be horrible parents.
This said, I agree with the pps who suggest that you can't just dismiss your husband's concerns (even if they are over-strained). I certainly let my kid do things in my presence that would be unsafe if he were not being supervised. If your husband only knew how many times an hour you have to say no to an active little kid to keep him out of everything, he might see your point of view better. |
Anonymous
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My husband and I have similar issues, but I'm the one who is significantly more concerned about safety. For me, I feel that I am being irresponsible if I do not follow all of the basic recommendations, regardless of whether they are exhausting or at times lead to long tirades from the kiddies. In a way it is selfish as I know that I could not live with myself if something happened to our children as a result of something that I could have prevented by following available guidelines. I am a very rules based person, and likely always will be. My husband, in contrast, is not, either on this topic or others. It's simply a difference in personalities, and one of the reasons we're so good for each other. On this particular topic, though, I am very glad that my husband sees that my cautiousness is a direct result of love for our kids, and that my attempting to impose my views on him is not based on a power issue within our marriage, but rather of an over-riding urge that I have to protect our kids. We've discussed it in these terms and I'm really glad that this is an issue on which we've agreed that he'll pretty much take the more conservative approach, if only to put my mind at rest. In turn, I "give" on other issues about which I may disagree, but that don't involve the high anxiety area of child safety. I'm not sure where your husband's views are coming from, but a good conversation may help.
On the logistics side, cord cleats are very easy fixes for the cord issue, and I've saved some empty (the kids haven't realized they are empty) ointment and infant toothpaste containers for them to play with when they are in the mood. They don't seem to know the difference between a full and empty container. Also, we did a lot of baby proofing, which set my mind at rest and has allowed the kids to have much more freedom in the house. They still have drawers and cabinets to open and play with, but there's nothing dangerous. there was some start up costs in terms of time and finances, but it was well worth it in terms of decreased anxiety on my part and friction with my spouse. I hope you both come to a resolution you're happy with. |
Anonymous
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There is a reason that people say that cords are dangerous..it is because they are dangerous. I will admit that I fall on the side of safer, but that is probably because I care for other people's children for a living and I have spent enough time with kids to know that they will kill or mame themself if given the chance.
I was caring for a child who was about 18 mos. She was in a cranky mood and I walked to the kitchen to get her some milk. I could still see her. I turned to put the milk back in the fridge and turned back around to see that she had put the cord from the blinds around her neck. She thought it was funny and turned to run. She was left hanging by the cord around her neck for as long as it took for me to run into the room. What if I had been in the bathroom? What if I were preparing a snack for her or one of her siblings? It scared her, but it did not stop her from trying to get to the cords later. Some things are dangerous and should be dealt with by the guidelines that are in place. |