Anonymous wrote:How does he train you to do the things he wants you to do?

How do you train DWs?

I think the idea that you are approaching this as "training" explains why your efforts to date have failed.

It is my experience that spouses do not react well when you treat them like a disobedient house pet.

Anonymous wrote:I employ many different techniques.

1. I ask specifically for him to accomplish certain tasks. For example, "I am swamped at work this week. You said you needed to work late on Wed. How about I email you the grocery list and you do the shopping on the way home when it's less crowded. That way we can all go to the pool today instead of you taking the kids on your own and me shopping." He will either say yes or he will say he will go shopping today and I can go to the pool. I hate grocery shopping so either option is fine with me.

2. When he hasn't prepared for a task, I don't help him. Ever. I let him fail. Even if it affects my kids. For example, it is his chore to put laundry away after I have washed, dried, and folded it. If I see the clean, folded laundry waiting in the basement, I bring up enough underwear for me and I leave it there. So he has to run up and downstairs for his own clothing and kids clothing. If it is his turn to pack lunch and he doesn't do it at night like I do, he is stuck running around in the morning getting lunch together and breakfast. And he is only responsible for packing lunch one night a week when I am driving to one sports practice that goes late.

It took a few times, but having to turn his underwear inside out because he was too lazy to go downstairs got to him. He doesn't forget much these days. Please note. I also say NOTHING when I know he is running around. I do not say, "if you did things like I do, this wouldn't happen," I might say, "oh hey, let me check if there are some kids' undies in the corner someplace in a drawer," but that is it.

3. I thank him for when he does something that has really helped. I also praise him to other people. I don't criticize him or suggest that my way of doing something is better.

4. I let him do his own thing with the children. Period. If they watch TV all day and eat hot dogs for dinner with a side of ice cream. Don't care. Right now he is at the gym and I am dorking around on the internet and my kids are watching TV and playing video games. If he came home and said, "why isn't the house clean or did you get their homework done?" I would be pissed. So I try to remember that when he is on his own with them.

Anonymous wrote:Is it even possible to 'train' your DH to help more around the house? We both WOH and have one kid. I do all cooking, cleaning, bills, taxes, etc. and 75% of childcare. I pine for a second child but have not because I can't take on more with the way things are.

Has anyone else managed to train a lazy husband to pull more of his weight? If so, how did you do it?