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Bad Mommy Day
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Anonymous
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Feeling a bit awful today (I am overseas so the time you see posted here is actually my morning)...Everyday is somewhat of a struggle to get my 3yo DD ready in the morning to go to school. SHe loves school so that is not an issue - she just likes using various delay tactics...Most days, giving her a few more minutes or giving her a small bribe (which I already know is not a great idea), plus some begging manages to work. Other days, there are the "threats" of going to her room, etc., which eventually works as well. Well, today was one of those very "off" days for both of us - much work-related stress for me and many errands to run in between today so I woke up with little patience to start with. Well, I guess you could say that I lost it - I got really mad. She was bawling - not just tears but full out bawling by the time I was done. Many hugs and sorries later, we were dressed and ready to go. Then she asked for ice cream (!) - I, unsurprisingly said no and then the bawling (and some more yelling) started all over again...then she wet her pants so we had to get dressed all over again (and it was laundry time so that was her last pair of panties)...More hugs and kisses....but we both left each other feeling awful. The only reason why I didn't start bawling myself was that I knew it would just be yet another delay that I could not afford...
So here I am at the office, feeling absolutely awful...I now that she has probably recovered already but I have not...I know that I am just going to feel awful until I pick her up and see her smile at me. I don't know that I am looking so much for advice - I know logically what things I should and should not do to make things smooth in the morning (number one on the list is keeping my cool and remembering that she is only 3). I hate days like this - please tell me that I am not alone! |
Anonymous
| You are not alone. The fact that you're so concerned and upset shows that you're a good mommy. Try to take it easier on yourself, and know that tomorrow will be another day. Take care. |
Anonymous
| Completely not alone. . .and no you are not a Bad mommy, you sound like a great mom. Hey, I am readinga book you might find of interest "Raising kids without raising your voice" Can't remember the author off hand (female). It might help? Also there is a great series on 3 year olds (actually every age has its own small book) by Bates, called something like "Your 3 Year Old" -- check amazon for both if you are overseas. Hugs to you. |
Anonymous
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You are not a bad mommy. We ALL have "bad mommy" days when we do things we regret. God knows I am too ashamed to even POST some of my worst parenting moments here.
That said, if you feel like your relationship with your daughter has become an emotional tug or war with threats/bribes/crying/etc. the only things that are "keeping the peace", I'd encourage you to try to look at the big picture and see if there aren't things that need changing. (Gosh, that sounds judgmental and I REALLY don't mean it like that). I have found that with my son (also 3) we go through phases... he's always changing, so a parenting approach that works one month may not work the next. Its easy to get into a bad rut where you find yourself playing the role of "disciplinarian" 80% of the time. Just keep analyzing the ever-changing situation... and when you feel like the relationship is becoming non-positive, make some tweaks to get things back on track. Good luck. |
zumbamama
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| I think we have all been through the same thing, and getting mad then feeling guilty about it is a common part of parenthood. Just keep it up and eventually they will learn to understand your rules, requests, limits, etc and the tug of war will lessen over the years. My son was like that, but now that he is 6, it's much better. Granted, there are still times when I feel like I am talking to a wall when I ask him to pick up his toys or get off the video games, but giving him a countdown works well. I prompt him 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, 30 seconds to act on my request to clean or get dressed, etc. Now my 3 year old...sounds just like yours! |
Anonymous
| OP here - thanks for all the support. I felt terrible all day until my saw my little girl again with a smile on her face. Fortunately, we do not battle like that all the time, and when it happens it is usually the morning battle to get out of the house when I am feeling rushed and thinkng about the zillion things that I have to get done that day/week. I do try to give us some extra time in the morning so that it is not all a rush (and half the days it is OK) but she sometimes she manages to delay things until it is a rush. For a while, letting her choose her own clothes worked but, as others have said, what works one week doesn't work the next. I know that we all have good days and bad days and I try to remember that she is, afterall, only 3 - and how hard it must be to be 3 when one minute you are being told that you can't have/do X because you are not big enough and other things you are told are for a baby and that you are "too big" for that toy. On most issues, the count to three or "the corner" works without tears or raised voices. So I know I should count my blessings, especially on the days that it does not work out like that. More than anything, I just needed to vent and hear some words of encouragement. Thanks to all! |
Anonymous
| getting out of the house in the morning has become a total game of wits with my almost three year old...so i completely sympathize. i was laughing when i read your post because our mornings often go off schedule when my son asks for dessert as soon as he gets up. he says he'll eat one bite of egg then he wants cookies when i tell him we don't eat dessert until after we have real food. then we have a 5 minute meltdown when i still say no. i'm embarassed to admit i used to use the line that i was leaving without him if he didn't get dressed when i was desperate (fodder for therapy in 20 years)..until one day he told me fine, he'll stay home and play while i go out. that said, my new strategy is to start the morning talking about the "plan" with him...we say first we're going to do x, then x, then x, i usually let him pick the order of things (first breakfast or first get dressed)..somehow referring back to the "plan" has been keeping us on schedule...at least this week! |
Anonymous
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PP - I am glad to hear that somebody else in the same boat (I suspect that there are more of us than others would like to admit)...we have also used the "leaving without you" trick many times, both in them morning and when it is time to go home from somebody else's house, getting out of the car, etc. - by now she knows it is an empty "threat" but it is often her signal that Mommy and Daddy are done playing along with the delay tactics (when my count to 3 does not work). Never any tears and she happily goes about her business so hopefully no seeds for therapy in the future...
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