People without Empathy - Washington Post article

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[Post New]12/25/2007 13:23
Anonymous
I liked the article. Made me think of AmyH.
[Post New]12/25/2007 16:23
Anonymous
haha - the PP kind of just read my mind. And honestly, it reminded me of a lot of other posters on this board, too. It is a good article - thanks for sharing, OP.
[Post New]12/25/2007 17:45
Anonymous
Yes it did. Regarding Amy: those of us with empathy would do well to stop egging her on.
[Post New]12/27/2007 15:24
miriamcmilli
Member Offline
It sounds like my husband has the problem/disorder..or whatever...I want to print it out and let him read the article..but ironicially, that would be pointless....thanks for posting it!
[Post New]12/27/2007 15:56
Anonymous
NewMom913 wrote:OP here --

Glad people liked the article. I posted it because it reminded me of lots of people on DCUM, especially those with spouses who don't appreciate what their mates do to help the family. And yes, it also made me think of Amy, but not in the way that other PPs may have meant.

I really think it's a big deal that Amy reached out to us for help in that now-ginormous thread in the Parenting Discussion. While we may or may not agree with how much she discloses or with her stances on controversial issues, she is a member of our community and she asked for help -- for the first time.

While people on an online forum such as DCUM have the right to respond to postings however they wish, I personally was hoping others could show some empathy and try to place themselves in Amy's shoes for just a bit. Many people did just that, but some didn't and said some very harsh, judgmental things about her. Can we really be surprised, then, that Amy lashed out in defensiveness and said some really awful things in response? I'm really not trying to place blame, but my feeling is that if folks just stuck to Amy's original post and tried to help her with constructive advice, we could've avoided the mess that the thread eventually became.

Anyways, just my thoughts. Feel free to agree or disagree -- I promise to keep my end of the conversation as empathetic as possible.


OP, I'd just note that this is far from the first time that Amy has "lashed out in defensiveness and said some really awful things," as you put it. There is quite a history here, from what I can tell, and some definite patterns. And frankly, many of the threads on DCUM devolve rapidly as posters attack each other and veer wildly from the OP's initial request or need. Why point to Amy's thread as an example?

I'm all for empathy. I'm a therapist, and in my personal life I belong to a practice group that focuses on compassionate communication. And I'm sure your intent is good. But I wish you hadn't chosen to take the thread down this path. If you wanted to post the link, why not just do so without comment and then leave it alone? I don't want to see yet another discussion of Amy/referendum on Amy, etc. just as the drama has settled down for the moment. DCUM is not subtitled All About Amy, as far as I know. Just MHO.
[Post New]12/27/2007 16:05
Anonymous
To the PP-you said you're a therapist. I like your philosophy. Do you mind sending your work contact info. I'd like to set up an appointment. Thanks.
[Post New]12/27/2007 16:15
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:To the PP-you said you're a therapist. I like your philosophy. Do you mind sending your work contact info. I'd like to set up an appointment. Thanks.


Thanks for the request; it's very kind of you. Although I can't take on any new clients right now and I wouldn't feel right about the boundaries of seeing a fellow DCUM participant, I'm sure you can get a lot of great referrals on this board. DCUM is a tremendous resource. Thanks again and good luck to you!
[Post New]12/27/2007 21:32
Anonymous
I think this article is great and I've forwarded it to a girlfriend who I believe has a husband with no empathy. They had twins this past year and he's a complete jerk. I'd use stronger words, but, not on the boards. They sought counseling while she was pregnant and the counselor told her to leave him and raise the kids alone. I try to help her muddle through, but I think it is very tough. Ifeel very sorry for anyone married to someone like this.
[Post New]12/28/2007 13:24
Anonymous
NewMom913 wrote:OP here:

Thanks for your response, 15:56 PP. I'd like to respond to your questions:

Why point to Amy's thread as an example?...If you wanted to post the link, why not just do so without comment and then leave it alone?


If you'll notice in my original post, I merely included the link to the article without comment (other than to say it was interesting).

I didn't post for a second time until the PPs (starting with 13:23) brought up Amy and did so in what I thought was an unfair manner. Given that Amy's thread bothered me, I thought it was a good chance to tell people what I thought about why that particular thread went down the path it did. I agree with you that many threads devolve for the same reason, but Amy's was the most salient to me because of its size and recency.

And yes, Amy has quite a history on DCUM -- no one would dispute that. But I would hope that you, as a therapist, would know that people can change, and I personally have seen a change in Amy since I've been on the forums this year. Many of her recent posts (at least the ones I've seen) are much more gentle and kind, and her tone has changed quite a bit (until she's attacked personally, that is).


I know you didn't mention Amy in the initial post, but I regretted that you did in the follow up. My own feeling is that lack of empathy is one possible reason the thread devolved as it did; there are as many potential reasons as there are potential posters. I believed that your post was a bit prescriptive and blaming. As for change, I certainly believe people can change, and often do. I simply preferred to let the subject go rather than bringing up Amy in any context. I have a host of reasons for that, not the least of which is not wanting to see yet another thread become about Amy. And now I'll do my part to help that happen by signing off this thread!
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