When you and your spouse don't agree about ADHD medication
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Anonymous
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OP, just ignore the anti-medicaiton posters who would have you withhold medical treatment from your child for a medical disorder. These are not new medications, they have been in use for decades and are quite safe. What isn't safe is leaving ADHD untreated because it has been demonstrated over and over again that kdis with undtreated ADHD develop substance abuse issues at elevated rates. They self-medicate.
And there are mood issues as well. Kids with untreated ADHD feel they are bad, less capable, less worthy. But you know this. It sounds to me like your husband isn't categorically opposed, he just doesn't think its time to start now. Its a tough hurdle and you are probably over it only because you are closer to the situation. Your husband is probably not seeing it as clearly as you are. The suggestion to have your husband observe a class is a fantastic one. Our kids get a lot of compensation at home, but when you see them in the context of other children, the differences can be really striking. Also, the idea of him meeting with the doctor alone is a great one. It just relieves the pressure from both of you. |
Anonymous
20:14 here. Are you trying to get to a specific answer? Do I wish that my children did not have ADHD and were NT and didn't have any issues? Of course but that doesn't mean I love them any less. They are who they are and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I feel bad for them that they have to take medicine -- not for myself. I have a friend with a dc who is a diabetic. Friend doesn't like the fact that her child has to take insulin but of course she gives it to her b/c she needs it. Just as my dc's need their medication. FWIW, we didn't start medication until 2nd grade for 1 and 5th grade for the other. But I know kids who have started as early as 4 due to impulsivity, etc. |
Anonymous
| 10:01 here. I'm one of the folks that recommend the NIH studies. On our last annual visit, Dr. Shaw spent a good amount of time with me discussing medication. It was really helpful since we had not had good results on stimulant medications. Have you thought about contacting them? They've been really good resources for me and they've always seemed willing to speak with me when a need arose. They're also up on the all the latest research and while there have been issues with funding from pharmaceutical companies in the past, I've always found their views grounded in the science of it. The results of their research have been very interesting - documenting the brain differences between normal and ADHD brains. Would speaking to someone like that be useful for your DH? (I also agree with the PP that your DH should take a day off work and observe your DS in the classroom, help with homework, etc.). |
jsteele
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Site Admin Online
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I'd like to ask again that posters not turn this discussion into a debate about medication. Please keep responses to the topic of the original post. The merits (or not) of drugs can be discussed in another thread. I will be removing further posts in this thread that are not relevant to the original post.
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Anonymous
| OP here -- thanks for all of your responses. I think having my husband volunteering in the classroom is a good idea. I do it once a month, and it is eye-opening for sure, not just in terms of our son's behavior but how a larger K class operates in general. I will also think about contacting Dr. Shaw as we move forward. My husband is quite involved with the kids and has been in on all the appointments and evaluations we've done, but I do tend to handle the brunt of homework, which for our son is just a reading log and reading response journal. Honestly, I just get better results. My husband is just not as patient (mostly because he has not read anything about ADHD so he doesn't know the right techniques to use). On the occasions when he does do it, it usually becomes a battle and I have to intervene. |
Anonymous
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My grandson has been on ADHD medication for approximately 9yrs now. He is fine, it has calmed him down so much and it makes life easier to deal with him.
At one point he was on Ridylin. They changed that to Resperodol and one other script (not sure of name) however, he took 2 tablets in the a.m. The school had to give him one at lunchtime. Then again in the evening he took one. These medicines up to this point have done him justice. The only part was that he did gain weight but not to the point of being picked on. The Pediatrician was the one who recommended these medications for him. He had a very hard time focusing, he couldn't stay alert/focus on one thing at a time. He would lie on the ground, kick his feet, scream, I'm sure you know of all of these things as you are the one that is there for the better part of the time. At some point in time, as with my grandson the Pediatrician is now backing off somewhat. They dont' want him on the meds' all of his life and to be honest I feel that he is now doing the right thing. Yes he still has his problems at school, he tends' to hold things in then he explodes, at this point he has gone over the edge. The school of course that he is in has no remorse with children with needs. They have no extra help with a one on one personna. Something else that the Pediatrician had sent the school a letter regarding his needs and one on one help. He tries so hard to understand what he is supposed to but when people dont' understand this disease they tend to provoke the child rather than let him have his own space. I have had him in my care many times and have never had a problem with him. He is loving, adorable and easy to care for. He wants' to feel loved and accepted rather than put on the back burner. So if you do decide to go with the Meds' that your Physician feels he should be on, try and keep a journal. This way if he has a Meltdown you can write this down with some form of explanation of what brough it on. This way it is also more beneficial for both you and his Physician to speak openly about what happened. There is no need to go into a long conversation. As well put in the journal how his day at school went. Are they helping him or demeaning him for being ADHD. There are also groups' that you can attend that help out tremendously. Remember your child is not alone on this journey. My prayers' are with you and I am sure all will work out for you and your son. Take care and breath easy, sending you hugs. 
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Anonymous
Sorry I have already wrote but had to add one more comment. I do honestly think that your husband should sit in on the classroom, as well as at home. There is much to know about ADHD and the needs that have to be meet. Nobody wants' nothing more than to have a healthy child. Both you and your husband are on two different paths'. As a grandmother I didn't understand at first either, however I did see his actions at home/school and around other children. Prior to him being put on medications it was like walking on egg shells. You would want take the family out however didn't know what sort of reaction your child would have. It could turn out well or embarrassing. Explain to "hubby" that this is not a forever medication. It calms' your child down, helps him to focus at home/school as well as being out around others'. Obviously you know where you are coming from. I hate it when people say "you are drugging him". NO you are not, so please dont' feel bad about what is going to or has taken place at this point. Dont' let others' put you down, they are not living under your roof nor are they raising your child. Again I wish you nothing better than Luck. Take care!! 
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Anonymous
This is a brilliant idea -- not medicating until a month into school. My child doesn't have ADHD, but other learning disabilities which create seeming inattentiveness. His inattention or misdirected attention is often perceived as willful disobedience by his teachers. It's a great idea to let the teachers see him "naturally" and then when medicated so they really understand what behaviors stem from the ADHD. |