Husband Dreamt that I was having an affair..

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[Post New]10/24/2011 16:37
quote
Anonymous
I am not and not even thinking about it, but I wonder if his dream is a manifestation of some insecurities on his part.

I while back he almost had an affair and he claimed that he reason was due to lack of sex and affection (true). That near miss really prompted both of us to take a long hard look at the marriage and things totally turned around so much so that I now want it a lot more than he does and am not afraid to initiate. Anyway, the last two weeks he has been falling flat in bed and the last time we tried (Saturday) he could not get it up at all and when I suggested that he focus on my needs he gave up after two minutes saying that he was not in the mood.

Now I am worried that maybe I am being too aggressive and this dream that he told me about is making me wonder if I am somehow indirectly making him feel inadequate.

[Post New]10/25/2011 06:09
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ThatSmileyFaceGuy
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Dreams come from all sorts of places in the mind, Perhaps he is wondering about your increased libido and wonders if you are overcompensating at home out of guilt. Perhaps he does feel like you are not satisfied and thinks you are getting better sex somewhere else. Or perhaps it comes from that foggy place where we still dream of dragons and superheroes.

In any case, talk, remind him of the recommitment you both made to your marriage. Ask him about any extraordinary stress he may be under. Talk about the state of his health, do things together like exercise that may help his production of testosterone.

Before the others start, I do not think that a dream that he told you about is a manifestation of guilt on his part of having an affair himself. if it was, he would not have told you about it.
[Post New]10/25/2011 08:37
quote
Anonymous
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:
Before the others start, I do not think that a dream that he told you about is a manifestation of guilt on his part of having an affair himself. if it was, he would not have told you about it.


Ha! This was my first thought. Well anyway, it sounds like you might need to revisit the relationship strengthening and communication/honesty. Have you asked him about his lack of interest in sex?
[Post New]10/25/2011 13:53
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:
Before the others start, I do not think that a dream that he told you about is a manifestation of guilt on his part of having an affair himself. if it was, he would not have told you about it.


Ha! This was my first thought. Well anyway, it sounds like you might need to revisit the relationship strengthening and communication/honesty. Have you asked him about his lack of interest in sex?



Its not a "lack of interest issue", its a "performance issue". He is not refusing me or avoiding me, its just that when he starts he cannot finish (lose erection) or he finishes way too early.
[Post New]10/26/2011 06:53
quote
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:
Before the others start, I do not think that a dream that he told you about is a manifestation of guilt on his part of having an affair himself. if it was, he would not have told you about it.


Ha! This was my first thought. Well anyway, it sounds like you might need to revisit the relationship strengthening and communication/honesty. Have you asked him about his lack of interest in sex?



Its not a "lack of interest issue", its a "performance issue". He is not refusing me or avoiding me, its just that when he starts he cannot finish (lose erection) or he finishes way too early.


We all go through stages when it doesn't work like we want it to. It could be a hair trigger or losing the errection. Then the next time it's all we think about, which sometimes causes it to happen again. This can turn into a vicious cycle that can take some time to recover from.

First take a look at his life, in my original post I mentioned the possibility of undue stress which can cause this as well as lifestyle choices like alcohol, smoking, or lack of exercise.
If this isn't it then before you go to the doctor - because who really wants to tell the guy you see for the common cold that your willy isn't doing his job - try activities where penetration and (his) orgasm is not the final act. Long make-out sessions, mutual masterbation, and a good bitor oral thrown in. When he gets close to orgasm stop whatever you are doing until he calms down and then restart, continue until he can't control himself any longer.

Finally, he might need to see the doctor, medications he is taking might cause the lost errection. Plus the doctor has other options as well.
[Post New]10/26/2011 08:38
quote
Anonymous
I'm 8:37 - sorry that I said "lack of interest" - I meant to just say have you asked him about the problem. Does he get defensive or does he explain it?
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