Should I just let these comments go (re: other women)?

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]10/17/2011 14:15
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. You're not. I'm hoping this post is a joke, but if it isn't, you're husband is a huge asshole.

Finding other people attractive is fine. Commenting about it TO YOUR SPOUSE is entirely different. I would run for the hills from this man.


No, actually this is not the problem. DW and I do this all the time. They problem here is making comments after it's become clear that DW doesn't want to hear them. That's being an asshole.


OP again. You and DW do this all the time? Can you help me understand if I'm being ridiculous? The thing is, we used to do this all the time too, and when I was feeling secure, it didn't bother me. Do you think these women are hoter than your wife? Is it any bearing on your wife at all that you make these comments? Or is it just general commentary. I need more details from you on why you share these with your wife and how you would feel if she didn't want you to say these things anymore.
[Post New]10/17/2011 14:34
quote
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
So there are two issues here that I can see. OP and her husband used to tell each other about attractive people they saw in their day to day lives and now that she is insecure in herself she resents that he still does it. The other is that SHE beleives that he thinks she is overweight.

Both could be solved with some honest conversation. Starting with wether or not he still finds her attractive and her perception with his thoughts on her weight. this could lead into how his comments on the women he sees is affecting her body image and her feeling of insecurity about it.
[Post New]10/17/2011 14:45
quote
Anonymous
thanks, smileyfaceguy - I was hoping you'd show up. Although we have had multiple conversations about my insecurity with his talking about this stuff all the time, it could just be that he's taking a while to get it since I used to be ok with this kind of talk. The women he points out, I notice now, are all done up and obviously do not have children and obviously spend money on clothes/hair/nails that we don't have bc we have daycare bills I just feel like there's no way I can compete. He says he's attracted to me. Occassionally he compliments me. I guess maybe this is more my insecurity issue than anything.
[Post New]10/17/2011 15:12
quote
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
I hadn't realized that my comments had been requested.

If you two have talked about this on several occasions and he is still not getting a clue, then he may be denser than diamond regarding your feelings. However since the women he points out are of a certain type ("dolled up" in certain types of clothes) then prehaps he also misses when you used to dress and preen yourself this way before the reality of children and daycare set in. The fact that he still remembers and takes the time to compliment you is encouraging.

I also think that you also miss the days when you could be the one with your hair and nails done with clothes that didn't scream I have children. You incorrectly feel that these women are competition becuase of thier situation they can afford these things, and this is certianly affecting your self esteeem. You need to do something to feel better about yourself. Might it be possible to find a little extra in the family budget for some pampering for you?
[Post New]10/17/2011 15:14
quote
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
I hadn't realized that my comments had been requested.

If you two have talked about this on several occasions and he is still not getting a clue, then he may be denser than diamond regarding your feelings. However since the women he points out are of a certain type ("dolled up" in certain types of clothes) then prehaps he also misses when you used to dress and preen yourself this way before the reality of children and daycare set in. The fact that he still remembers and takes the time to compliment you is encouraging.

I also think that you also miss the days when you could be the one with your hair and nails done with clothes that didn't scream I have children. You incorrectly feel that these women are competition becuase of their situation they can afford these things, and this is certianly affecting your self esteeem. You need to do something to feel better about yourself. Might it be possible to find a little extra in the family budget for some pampering for you?
[Post New]10/17/2011 15:15
quote
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
sorry for the double post
[Post New]10/17/2011 15:26
quote
Anonymous
If you told him you don't like it and he keeps doing it he is a dick!! Total A-HOLE
Ask him flat out if he thinks you should lose a bit of weight, stay the same, or gain. Then you will know what you are working with.

He sounds like he is trying to make you jealous maybe?

I don't know. My husband is a grown-up and a nice person. He would never do that!

Though, yes, we occasionally comment on other people's hotness but mutually and not all the time or in a mean way!!!
[Post New]10/18/2011 09:45
quote
Anonymous
I am wondering if he is threatened by you? Are you a hottie (we know you are super skinny)?
Maybe he is trying to emphasize that he isn't vulnerable by focusing on other women. Like he is saying, yeah you're hot but you're not the only one (which removes some of the power you have)
He may be trying to take you down a notch
He may be jealous at knowing you could get any guy you wanted. And he is trying to reassure himself that he could get chicks too.

just a thought.
[Post New]10/18/2011 10:33
quote
Anonymous
He's an ass. Please start telling him about all the hot guys you see that turn you on.
[Post New]10/18/2011 14:05
quote
Anonymous
Unacceptable behavior, without question. OP, it's not okay.
post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Message Quick Reply
Go to: 

Search   Recent Topics   Hottest Topics