Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Would you be mad at the nanny....
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
if your daughter and her playdate cut each other's hair on her watch? I work from home, and invited this little girl over to play with my daughter because I felt sorry for her not getting to have playdates while I work all the time. Needless to say, the nanny wasn't watching when the two of them went to my bathroom and cut each other's hair. But she didn't even tell me! I noticed when my daughter came down to my office all ready for ballet and her hair was chopped up. The nanny put her hair up for ballet, and still didn't tell me. She left without a word.
I guess I'm just glad they didn't get hurt or anything else while they were unsupervised. I don't know quite what to say to the nanny tomorrow morning, but I'm not happy about it. I'd been observing the nanny giving the kids a lot of leash lately, but this is almost over the top or over it. I realize this could've happened to anyone, even in school my mom told me similar stories about little girls sneaking off and doing this in less than a minute or two. But I'm guessing they were unsupervised for at least 20 minutes based on all the hair in my trashcan. |
Anonymous
| Although mishaps do happen, I'd be extremely angry that I wasn't informed about it. There's no reason why you weren't debriefed by Nanny about a major event like that which could require damage control, i.e., a professional haircut to clean up the chop job. |
Anonymous
|
Lucky for me, the other little girl's mom was really understanding about it. Turns out it's not the first time her DD chopped her hair, and she thought she might have even been the instigator.
But yes, I am pretty ticked that I was left to peice this together myself and basically look like an idiot calling over there to ask if her DD came home with shorter hair than she arrived with. Because I didn't see her leave, and didn't really notice except that her hair did look a bit.. odd. I think the nanny definitely should have taken the time to explain and show me what happened so I could appear less than the Mr. Magoo I came off looking like to the other mom. When I think of the other trouble they could've gotten into though in my bathroom, it makes me shudder... Children should always be within sight and sound of the nanny, right? |
Anonymous
| I also think I'd be upset that the girls had scissors unsupervised. I'm not sure how old they are, but yes -- I do think they should be within the nanny's sight and sound. What was she doing while this was happening? |
Anonymous
| I'd be furious. Just how furious would depend on the age of the child(ren). You said she was giving the kids a long leash. Do you suspect she was caring for a younger child while this all happened? How old is DD? Unless DD is old enough to be trusted with scissors, water, and all of the other bathroom hazards, then she shouldn't be allowed unsupervised in the bathroom for any longer than it takes to use the toilet in privacy. what you do on your own watch is totally different than what a nanny should be doing. Assuming she is relatively little, I'd be furious that it happened at all. However, the fact that the nanny basically tried to cover it up is just unacceptable. Things happen...absolutely. I know I gave myself a nice haircut when I was about 4, with my mother in the next room folding laundry or whatever. But she should have at least told you. I would definitely confront her. |
Anonymous
|
DD is almost 6, and my DS2 was napping, so I have no idea where the nanny was or why she wasn't right on top of the girls watching them. I'm sure that will be the last time the other mom sends her daughter on a playdate with my kids unless I'm not working. Come to think of it, that will be the end of the nanny taking my kids on playdates to her nanny friends' houses too. God only know what kind of trouble the kids have gotten into while two 20 somethings are gabbing away.
I did send her a long sternly worded email with new house rules including having the kids in her eyesight and earshot at all times, other than naps and potty. There's no reason she can't be fully engaged with them during her hours here. I've told her I don't like any more than an hour tv for them during the day, and to get them outside for exercise so they won't be so hyper and bored that they quarrel. We are going to have a talk in the morning to follow up the message so that she at least understands the rules and the seriousness of ignoring them. |
Anonymous
| IF she shows up in the morning... |
clarabow
Member Offline
Member Offline
| It sounds like her immaturity in communicating with you about what happened is the bigger problem. I know you are angry but please consider not compounding the communication breakdowns -- you should have addressed it with her in person as soon as you figured it out(or via phone if she was gone by the time you noticed, but it sounds like you noticed on the way to her ballet class?). Waiting and getting more and more angry and then sending an angry email will only escalate things and doesn't give her a chance to at least offer her point of view and apologize. Is there a reason she would be so afraid of you that she'd feel compelled to engage in an obvious cover-up? Have you two had problems before? |
Anonymous
Ugh. How did this get turned around on the Mom? I hardly ever agree with Clarabow. Here's my point of view. Obviously the nanny knew this happened and didn't tell you. You pay her to watch your kid. She must not have been paying attention long enough for this to get out of hand (yes, it can happen to anyone)...but my issue is that she didn't tell you. I don't necessarily agree with the email to her, but I would address this with her face to face. I would even consider finding someone else to take her place if you feel trust is lost. In short, H&%LL yes, I'd be angry. Something happened because she wasn't paying attention, then worse...she didn't tell you. |
Anonymous
| Did CB really blame the mom? I think it was more directed at what is the most constructive way to fix the problem going forward without potentially making it worse. She at least agreed the nanny's got real maturity issues. |
Anonymous
|
I'd be most upset by the fact she didn't tell you about it. There are obvious communication problems here, that should have been dealt with as the primary problem.
Children can be very sneaky. They are also very quick. It does not take long at all to chop off a lot of hair. The nanny could've been using the bathroom herself in the amount of time it'd take. Is it typical of your daughter to get up to that sort of mischief? If you have 2 children, can you realistically expect her to always have BOTH children in sight at all times in the house? Are they both mobile? If so- this makes it quite impractical and unlikely she *always* will. She was wrong not to tell you. Quite possibly- she could've been watching better. But everyone has these sorts of things happen to them at times. Being imperfect is part of being human. If you are that worried about your child's safety around scissors- then the real solution is to move them out of reach on top of being vigilant. You shouldn't have had them lying around. The children at age 6 are also responsible and should have known better. Sounds like everyone has something to learn from this, not just the nanny. |
Anonymous
| I would be pretty pissed. I agree it could happen to anyone, but not a paid employee. |
Anonymous
| Oh come on! The nanny should have been addressed in person or over the phone...NOT in an e-mail. She is probably wondering where this came from. You daughter is six....old enough to know that cutting your hair is wrong. Not excusing the nanny....but geese give the girl a chance to explain herself before you go ranting and raving on a message board and sending her e-mails. This could have happened to you. And it takes less than 20 minutes for a kid that age to cut her hair....trust me I know. |
Anonymous
| Just one other perspective here. Do you really want your nanny to keep your kids in eyesight every waking minute? I have a 4.5 year old and I think its a good thing for she and her friends to be able to play by themselves without an adult present. I check in when things get suspiciously quiet of course. But don't they need to learn independence at this age and have some privacy? Granted they occassionally make bad choices and those require attention . . . but they also present important teaching moments. I think 6 year olds should be able to play unsupervised and learn from THEIR mistakes. |
Anonymous
|
OP here.. My email was actually composed in a very calm voice and other than expressing 'concern' about the situation yesterday and asking to discuss it in the morning - it was very professional. I specifically noted things she does well and things that are appreciated, so it wouldn't be a rant.
I didn't call her (although I did grab the phone initially) was out of respect for her final exam that night. I didn't want to talk to her when I was so upset and I also didn't want to upset her right before a final. The reason I use email to communicate important messages with her is at her request. She can understand written English 100% better than spoken English, and has asked me to write things down for her. I certainly didn't yell in the message or blame her, just offered my guidelines on what I'd like to see in the future. Now there can be no misunderstanding, because it's in writing and we discussed it this morning. However. this morning, I just got a blank stare and it was clear she didn't agree with my opinions or requests for changes going forward. A long talk was overdue, based on all the behavior issues and lack of stimulation during the day. When I asked her to read to the 2 y/o and start teaching him little lessons on colors, animals, seasons, etc - - you'd have thought I was suggesting she teach the cat to speak Chinese. My hunch is that she's checked out emotionally, and it won't be 4 weeks before we part ways. |