Is my dh alcoholic?

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[Post New]04/21/2011 11:38
Anonymous
Thanks all for the responses. I will see if I can get him to look at one of the online questionnaires. I do think he drinks more than he used to, and I am sure it is related to his layoff when the economy tanked. He works from home now when not on the road, as do I, so I am pretty sure he doesn't drink before 4 or 5 pm. My main worry is my teenage boys, who have started saying things like, "I can't wait until I am old enough to drink." They know it is relaxing for their dad, and they see it as a way to escape stress. He lets them taste his wine at dinner and shares his knowledge about wine, which seems okay to me. I just think it's sad that he needs to numb himself every day with the hard stuff, and that my sons look forward to doing the same. Thanks for listening.
[Post New]04/21/2011 11:47
Anonymous
Alcoholism is really two things: alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence.

It sounds like your husband is more of the latter. But each side is a problem.
[Post New]04/21/2011 11:55
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't drink, so I'm a poor judge. One or two cocktails before dinner. Every night. Then one wine or beer with dinner. Maybe another cocktail before bed, but I don't think this is regular. He never ever misses a day of drinking. Sometimes at dinner he's not very rational, and he goes to bed as early as possible. He does not seem to be impaired otherwise, but his dependency seems unhealthy to me, and I think it sets a bad example for my teens. Does he have a problem, or is this a normal amount to drink? If not, what do I do? He does not appreciate when I comment on how much he drinks. Thanks. PS he is early 50s.


Most drunks do not want attention to how much they drink. How much money is being spent every month on his various alcohols? Does he have to have a drink every day? Know this, there is nothing you can do and if you keep at him, it will only get worse. Only an alcoholic can help themselves. Go to Al Anon for yourself.
[Post New]04/21/2011 11:59
cuzimawesome
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for the responses. I will see if I can get him to look at one of the online questionnaires. I do think he drinks more than he used to, and I am sure it is related to his layoff when the economy tanked. He works from home now when not on the road, as do I, so I am pretty sure he doesn't drink before 4 or 5 pm. My main worry is my teenage boys, who have started saying things like, "I can't wait until I am old enough to drink." They know it is relaxing for their dad, and they see it as a way to escape stress. He lets them taste his wine at dinner and shares his knowledge about wine, which seems okay to me. I just think it's sad that he needs to numb himself every day with the hard stuff, and that my sons look forward to doing the same. Thanks for listening.


That is a bit concerning about the kids. The key to teaching your kids how to drink responsibly as adults is by drinking responsibly yourselves (as you are keenly aware)... and it seems your husband is walking a fine line. I don't think it's overly concerning, but definitely worth mentioning.

For what it's worth, my husband has a shot of whiskey when he gets home from work and slowly drinks a few beers throughout the evening. It doesn't effect his behavior at all... it just relaxes him after a long day at the office. If it's not effecting his behavior, then I wouldn't be too concerned about it. Even though I'm not concerned about my husband's drinking, we've talked about it because we want to make sure our kids are seeing healthy habits and not self-destructive ones. I'm not saying a shot of whiskey is healthy... but it works for my husband without effecting him in an unhealthy way.
[Post New]04/21/2011 12:18
Anonymous
Social worker here. The following is a very well respected and researched screening questionnaire:
http://drugnet.bizland.com/assessment/cage.htm

A short questionnaire about your alcohol use.

C - Have you ever thought you should CUT DOWN on your drinking?
A - Have you ever felt ANNOYED by others' criticism of your drinking?

G - Have you ever felt GUILTY about your drinking?

E - Do you have a morning EYE OPENER?

I don't think it's true that clinicians are moving away from the term alcoholic, although the diagnosis of alcohol abuse may correlate better with the euphemistic "problem drinker."
[Post New]04/21/2011 12:32
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't drink, so I'm a poor judge. One or two cocktails before dinner. Every night. Then one wine or beer with dinner. Maybe another cocktail before bed, but I don't think this is regular. He never ever misses a day of drinking. Sometimes at dinner he's not very rational, and he goes to bed as early as possible. He does not seem to be impaired otherwise, but his dependency seems unhealthy to me, and I think it sets a bad example for my teens. Does he have a problem, or is this a normal amount to drink? If not, what do I do? He does not appreciate when I comment on how much he drinks. Thanks. PS he is early 50s.


Has anybody paid attention to this? And the amount? One or two cocktails, then one wine or beer, and another cocktail at night. That's at least 3 servings of hard liquor and 1 wine or beer. I am sorry to say this OP but if he is not very rational at dinner sometimes, he is likely drunk. I would be very concerned if this was my husband.
[Post New]04/21/2011 13:40
Anonymous
cuzimawesome wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for the responses. I will see if I can get him to look at one of the online questionnaires. I do think he drinks more than he used to, and I am sure it is related to his layoff when the economy tanked. He works from home now when not on the road, as do I, so I am pretty sure he doesn't drink before 4 or 5 pm. My main worry is my teenage boys, who have started saying things like, "I can't wait until I am old enough to drink." They know it is relaxing for their dad, and they see it as a way to escape stress. He lets them taste his wine at dinner and shares his knowledge about wine, which seems okay to me. I just think it's sad that he needs to numb himself every day with the hard stuff, and that my sons look forward to doing the same. Thanks for listening.


That is a bit concerning about the kids. The key to teaching your kids how to drink responsibly as adults is by drinking responsibly yourselves (as you are keenly aware)... and it seems your husband is walking a fine line. I don't think it's overly concerning, but definitely worth mentioning.

For what it's worth, my husband has a shot of whiskey when he gets home from work and slowly drinks a few beers throughout the evening. It doesn't effect his behavior at all... it just relaxes him after a long day at the office. If it's not effecting his behavior, then I wouldn't be too concerned about it. Even though I'm not concerned about my husband's drinking, we've talked about it because we want to make sure our kids are seeing healthy habits and not self-destructive ones. I'm not saying a shot of whiskey is healthy... but it works for my husband without effecting him in an unhealthy way.


That seems like an awful lot too. Just sayin'.
[Post New]04/21/2011 13:49
cuzimawesome
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
cuzimawesome wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for the responses. I will see if I can get him to look at one of the online questionnaires. I do think he drinks more than he used to, and I am sure it is related to his layoff when the economy tanked. He works from home now when not on the road, as do I, so I am pretty sure he doesn't drink before 4 or 5 pm. My main worry is my teenage boys, who have started saying things like, "I can't wait until I am old enough to drink." They know it is relaxing for their dad, and they see it as a way to escape stress. He lets them taste his wine at dinner and shares his knowledge about wine, which seems okay to me. I just think it's sad that he needs to numb himself every day with the hard stuff, and that my sons look forward to doing the same. Thanks for listening.


That is a bit concerning about the kids. The key to teaching your kids how to drink responsibly as adults is by drinking responsibly yourselves (as you are keenly aware)... and it seems your husband is walking a fine line. I don't think it's overly concerning, but definitely worth mentioning.

For what it's worth, my husband has a shot of whiskey when he gets home from work and slowly drinks a few beers throughout the evening. It doesn't effect his behavior at all... it just relaxes him after a long day at the office. If it's not effecting his behavior, then I wouldn't be too concerned about it. Even though I'm not concerned about my husband's drinking, we've talked about it because we want to make sure our kids are seeing healthy habits and not self-destructive ones. I'm not saying a shot of whiskey is healthy... but it works for my husband without effecting him in an unhealthy way.


That seems like an awful lot too. Just sayin'.


It's not a lot for him. Everybody is different. Thanks though.
[Post New]04/21/2011 14:36
Anonymous
Depends on where you live, too, and does DH watch the kids by himself? What if someone in the home was injured one night? Could he actually drive to the ER? It may not seem risky bc he is at home, but in the long run may prove foolish. 3-4 drinks a night is a lot to HAVE to drink, maybe it just doesn't seem like so much bc it's 6-10 on saturday??? Which is a lot, btw.
[Post New]04/21/2011 14:49
Anonymous
Hi OP,

According to NIH, there are some risky behaviors there.

What's "at-risk" or "heavy" drinking?

For healthy adults in general, drinking more than these single-day or weekly limits is considered "at-risk" or "heavy" drinking:
• Men: More than 4 drinks on any day or 14 per week

http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/IsYourDrinkingPatternRisky/WhatsAtRiskOrHeavyDrinking.asp

I feel for you.
[Post New]04/21/2011 14:52
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:3-4 drinks a night is a lot to HAVE to drink, maybe it just doesn't seem like so much bc it's 6-10 on saturday???

Read OP again. It's 2-3 most nights, seemingly over a couple hours, and occasionally a 4th later in the evening.

According to this chart -- http://www.seattle-duiattorney.com/dui/drink-calculator.php -- if OP's husband is about 200lbs, 3 drinks in 3 hours will yield a blood-alcohol content (BAC) of just 0.01 (as compared to the 0.08 driving limit). Even if we assume he's "slightly built" at 140lbs, and has 4 drinks in 3 hours, that's still only a BAC of 0.06.
[Post New]04/21/2011 14:58
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:According to NIH, there are some risky behaviors there.

What's "at-risk" or "heavy" drinking?
For healthy adults in general, drinking more than these single-day or weekly limits is considered "at-risk" or "heavy" drinking:
• Men: More than 4 drinks on any day or 14 per week
• Women: More than 3 drinks on any day or 7 per week

http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/IsYourDrinkingPatternRisky/WhatsAtRiskOrHeavyDrinking.asp

Wow! Anything more than one glass of wine per day makes me a heavy drinker. Yikes. Thanks for the link.
[Post New]04/21/2011 15:18
Anonymous
I think the replies to this post are absurd. OP, you aren't getting the replies that normally come on a DCUM's chain when asked about the quantity people drink. Your husband's drinking seems in line with all the other posts about how much people drink. Some how you are attracting only the tea tottlers to this post. Doesn't sound to me like your husband's habits are at all unusual. Virtually all the adults in my eighborhood drink that much. There are a couple that drink less but they are the exception. I'd get off his back.
[Post New]04/21/2011 16:07
Anonymous
OP again. Interesting. Dh is a large man, probably 220. So maybe it is not too much for him.
[Post New]04/21/2011 16:51
Anonymous
New poster here: alcoholism is not necessarily about # of drinks per day, body weight, blood alcohol level, etc! If someone drinks 2-4 drinks every, single night, without fail, there is likely some alcohol dependency going on. I would be concerned if I were you, and even more concerned if he stonewalls you or doesn't want to talk about it. Yellow/red flags to me are the combination of the fact that it's happening everyday, that he is not always rational at dinner (if not alcohol impaired, something IS happening here), and that he goes to bed as early as possible.

There are totally people who can have 1-2 glasses of wine on most nights and not have a dependency issue...but these people can go a night or a week without, and won't freak out about it. It's also possible that the alcohol usage is a symptom of depression, or another underlying issue.

Good luck, OP. You're not gonna do yourself or your family any favors by ignoring a *potential* issue.
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