Argument with dh

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[Post New]02/13/2011 17:12
Anonymous
When your DH screws up: do you give him silent treatment or do you yell/tell him how much he messed up? What do you think is worse?
[Post New]02/13/2011 17:22
Anonymous
You should probably try to avoid the silent treatment and yelling.

Talk to him. Discuss it with him. The silent treatment gets you nowhere. Yelling doesn't lead to resolution.
[Post New]02/13/2011 18:34
Anonymous
I tell him I'm upset and as calmly as possible try to explain why. Neither yelling nor game-playing are good ways to resolve conflict.
[Post New]02/13/2011 19:21
bakersman
Member Offline
Here is a guy's perspective. When you have both calmed down, you should explain why you are upset, not why or how he screwed up. If you try to explain how he did something wrong, he will just feel the need to explain to you why what he did was rightly not that bad. I am betting he would not do something to purposefully make you angry. But he may also have no clue why what he did has made you so angry. It took me a long time to realize that when a woman seemed angry that I had not taken the trash out, as I said I would, that we were actually arguing about what she saw as a broken promise or a what seemed to be me being dismissive of something she needed done.

Let me tell you why the silent treatment may not work. When I'm angry I like be left alone for a while. Gives metime to sort things out and come up with a plan on how to move forward. I'm not that different from a lot of guys on this issue. So when you give him the silent treatment he may interpret it as you just wanting to be left alone to sort things out. Which means that while he thinks he is doing the right thing by giving you time by yourself, you will be getting more angry that the has not realized that what you are doing is waiting for him to apologize.

In short, communication is the goal. He may know what he did, but he may not know why you are angry. If you want him to know you need to tell him.
[Post New]02/14/2011 00:17
Anonymous
OP, if yelling and silent treatment are your only options, then you need some help.
[Post New]02/14/2011 09:01
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP, if yelling and silent treatment are your only options, then you need some help.


Ok, Thanks. Dh messed up big time and since I posted this he apologized and realizes how immature and dangerous his actions were. He usually apologizes and turns the whole thing around so I'm the one that makes him feel better and tell him it's ok, just don't do it again. Well, this time it's not ok and yelling it not going to solve the problem that he's a dumba$$. That's why I was considering a silent treatment.

Anonymous wrote:So when you give him the silent treatment he may interpret it as you just wanting to be left alone to sort things out. Which means that while he thinks he is doing the right thing by giving you time by yourself, you will be getting more angry that the has not realized that what you are doing is waiting for him to apologize.


Thanks. I think that's exactly what my dh would think.
[Post New]02/14/2011 09:08
Anonymous
The silent treatment is passive aggressive. It is emotional abuse, imho.
[Post New]02/14/2011 14:09
Anonymous
You do realize that it most definitely doesn't HAVE to be one or the other right??? RIGHT? Seriously.. Have you considered taking a bit to chill, and than having an actual adult conversation??
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