Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
For parents of biters please read
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Well, I have one of those peaceful kids, and I totally agree that I had nothing to do with molding him into that. That's the way he came out. I am not displeased he is like this, nor do I wish he would just hit the kid next to him in the head with a metal toy, darnit already! I do not wish he would just bite the neighbor kid once in a while. But then, we all love our kids for who they are, right? Is this the Holy Grail, this peaceable playing? No way. But it's super useful during those awful playdate interviews at preschools and private schools. |
sunnyskies
Member Offline
Member Offline
For some reason I find this hilarious! I can just see mom/dad yelling "lick! lick! lick!" and the picture is really funny to me. Not sure I will go this route, but you never know. So far, the little pop on the mouth has worked (well, it stopped him for about 3 days - he bite me again this morning and we are starting all over...so far so good, he has only biten my shirt collar at lunch topday....) |
Anonymous
|
My 3 YO son started biting around Christmas - just his sister and cousins (like that's not horrible enough). My SIL shows dogs. So she said, reprimand him in a loud short burst "NO BITING" and then immediately ignore him in favor of the bitee. Offer the bitee all sorts of positive attention. Then, when the incident is over, catch the biter doing something positive and reward him lavishly as well.
It worked. She says dogs nip for attention, or to figure out who is in charge. My kid is not a dog, but it sure did seem to be a bid for attention. Don't know if this helps. |
Anonymous
| My little girl was bitten a few times at her daycare from 18 mos to 2ish. One little boy was asked to leave the daycare. One little girl was placed in the 2 year old classroom -- she tended to go for the rising 1 year olds who were much smaller than she was when she was 18 months. Putting her in the classroom with the older more coordinated kids who could stand up to her worked like a charm. If she tried to bite, the 2 year olds howled and avoided her like the plague. She stopped biting mighty quick. Don't know if your child has any opportunity to play with older kids. |
Anonymous
How many girls bit your son? How many times did the same girl bite your son? |
Anonymous
|
My son attended an excellent daycare that enforced privacy rules. Thus, with the one exception noted (they call you during the day if any marks happen to the face, and "she" slipped out by mistake), I do not know the sex of any of the biters. It never crossed my mind to enquire.
I know there was a plague of it - biting in a 2's room can be contagious. My child played both roles. I also know that the teachers handled it well and the outbreak soon passed. If you are looking for my story to feed your priors about boys and girls, forget it. |
Anonymous
|
OP, this post is about hitting but I thought some of the comments and suggestions could apply to biting as well.
http://www.askmoxie.org/askmoxie/2008/05/qa-15-month-old.html |
Anonymous
|
Why is a 15 month-old hitting? So many of you got this part right. 15 months is powerful, happy, fun and frustrating! What’s important to know about this age/stage is there’s a question imbedded in the action of hitting that a parent needs to answer. The hitting is asking you to answer, “What happens in my family when I hit someone?”
A 15 month old is in the repetitive developmental stage of life-the preschool years. He requires several passes at a situation in order to understand all the complicated adult social rules. A good example of this is preschool songs. They use the same words round, after round, after round!! Young children need to repeat the behavior again and again in order to learn. When a child hits he’s not hitting to directly disobey you; he’s too young for manipulation. He hits once and learns mom doesn’t like it. He hits again and sees mom gets mad. He hits again and see she yells, and so on and so on. Each pass shares more information about hitting and what happens in my family. Many of you stated your child got scared or cried when you responded to being hit. Anytime a firm boundary is set a child will react. They will be sad, mad, or frustrated. Some sort of reaction will be there, count on it, because it will be happening for years. You, your face, your body language all change after being hit. You go from being the loving sweet nurturing mom to the clear boundary mom and it’s a shock, so they cry. So many of us remember the shock of being corrected, (I was hit and my mouth washed out with soap) and we have wounds from it, which we get to revisit as we parent our child—isn’t that special! I believe that’s tomorrows post! Is there a way for us to send a boundary and make our child feel safe at the same time, yes there is! We all know children feel safer when making a transition if we use the same language and repeat the same actions each time a transition occurs. The method I will suggest uses the same analogy. Ex: “We’re leaving in 5 minutes, we’re leaving in 4 minutes etc.” When you use the same words and actions each time you correct a baby or young child they come to trust the words and actions, they relax a bit, and feel safe enough to comprehend the correction. The best way to be successful teaching “we don’t hit” is to 1st remember where the child is at this stage. Since he isn’t fully verbal yet, he’s still gleaning most of his information from the actions and body language around him. I’ve found that the best way to teach a not fully verbal child not to hit really needs to include both words and actions. The complete teaching for the method I’m about to suggest is on my website in the seminar called No, we don’t do that. The components of this method are: 1. Stopping the hitting immediately. 2. Setting a boundary. 3. Showing the child how you DO want him to touch you. 4. Allow the child to try this again. All of this takes 10-30 seconds, it really is that fast, and works best if done exactly the same way each time so the child really understands “oh, this IS what happens when I hit.” 1. You stop the hitting immediately by using words like a transition warning saying, “Uh, Oh.” For some reason those words work like magic. The Academy of Pediatrics and the Audiology Association all use them to get a child’s attention. Love and Logic made the words popular. These words create a sense of safety for a child. He comes to know that each time he hears “Uh, Oh,” a correction is coming and he needs to pay attention. If your habit is to say No first, then simply say Uh, Oh after that. 2. Setting a boundary. Do this by saying “you hit, you sit” and gently have him take a seat on the ground for 3 -10 seconds. Keep your gentle hands on him at all times. Having a fully mobile child take a seat is the part they don’t like, but it’s only 3-10 seconds. (The step-by-step instructions and how to make sure the child doesn’t haul off and HIT YOU as you do this is all included in the seminar.) 3. After 3-10 seconds, you decide how long YOUR child needs to sit; you know his temperament better than anyone, stand him up and kiss him on the forehead. This shows him that you love him and it’s almost over. 4. Now share with him how you want him to touch you. Tell him “we don’t hit. You need to use gentle hands with mommy.” 5. Now have him try again by showing you the way you want him to touch you. You can say, “show mommy how you touch her gently. Good job.” 6. Then say thank you, and you’re done. It took less than 1 minute. The key to this method is to repeat the same words and action each time he hits until he stops. This works with any topic, just change the words to match what you’re dealing with. By using this method you’re sending very valuable information to your child about how to manage his behavior. Your words and actions send the silent message “I need to correct you, it’s my job. But I can make loving and respectful corrections, and send you all the information you need to help you manage this situation.” |
Anonymous
| my 11-mo-old is biting me. he is clearly teething (three teeth coming in at the same time), so it's hard to get mad about it. but, wow, when he clamps down it hurts and it's hard to pry him off. the other thing is that it looks like he thinks it funny. when I get him off, he's smiling. he bits DH, too. daycare told me bit another kid, but I think it was just the one time. I'd hate to think of him hurting another kid! |
Anonymous
My now 2.5 yearold started biting like this and then at some point when he was closer to 2 I realized I was bruised from his bites and it had to stop. Don't tolerate this too long because he will keep doing it and it will become a bigger and bigger problem. As one friend told me "scream ow in the mirror" it is sort of funny. The key to stopping this is responding as little emotion as possible and walking away or puting your son in a different room and walking away. Send the message that I'm not going to play with you if you're going to bite me. |
Anonymous
These are based on experience and observation. What is sexist about it? The boys put their arms around each other and try to pull each other down. The girls are playing house. And DD has been bitten multiple times by boys. Of course the daycare keeps this info private, but DD can speak clearly now and tells me as soon as I pick her up. A few hours later, she'll give me the same information, so I know she's not making it up. I don't see the girls in a headlock with each other or with a boy. Of course there are boys who also push the stroller around and the cars play with trucks, too. But the aggressive part is what I'm referring to. Not sure which part is nature and which part is nurture, even at such a young age. |
Anonymous
I think there may be an age issue here. As a mother of a 5 year old girl and 2.5 year old son, I agree that boys generally are more physical/aggressive. However, in my experience these difference REALLY emerge at about age 3.5 to 4. Up until then, I think every child has a unique temperment. But those of you who don't think boys are any different than girls. Just wait . . . a co-ed 4 year-old gathering is completely different than an all girl 4 yr-old gathering. |