Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
Colleague walks away in a disagreement
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I had a disagreement with a colleague this morning. She walked away from me in mid-sentence and would not return to the conversation in which I thought we were trying to work out a disagreement. What would you do? I was and still am shocked into paralysis. |
Anonymous
| Wow, what was the disagreement about and what did you say to her? |
hedgehog
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
She obviously felt like she was either going to lose it or that the situation was getting out of hand.
I'd send her a neutral note letting her know you'd like to schedule some time to finish the discussion, but I'd let her have some time to cool down and respect her need for some space on the topic. |
Anonymous
| I don't know about you but when I'm really mad at someone I can't even look at them or physically be near them. Maybe you gauged the level of her anger incorrectly/underestimated her distress during your conversation. She probably needs some time to cool down. Approach her or email her later in the day. |
Anonymous
|
Not even nearly enough information here.
1. Was the disagreement about work? 2. Was the conversation heated, such that her walking away might have been the best course of action? 3. What do you mean she "refused to return to the conversation." What efforts did you make? Quite honestly it can be both reasonable and professional to leave a conversation and not return to it if the conversation is not productive and agreement is not essential to some task that I need to do. People have a right to end a conversation and are no obligated to stand around waiting for the other person to agree it is time to stop talking. I am mostly playing devil's advocate here, obviously. But with the little information you have given, I'm siding with the other person. |
Anonymous
| Thanks, OP here, I was really shocked and actually offended since the "discussion" started with her telling me that I was not giving her professional courtesy through a decision that I made. She actually walked away twice -- once after "instructing" me to not do the decision I made again and the second time when I asked her a hypothetical question about how to handle future issues. I work for the USG and am stunned that this is how people deal with conflict. |
Anonymous
|
To 13:54 -- the first time she walked away I asked if we could finish the conversation. The second time she walked away I asked if she would please stay and to please talk. She shot me a look over her shoulder and kept walking. She is convinced that I am wrong and that she is right and I think there's probably space in the middle for an agreeable resolution.
I'm not particularly upset by the disagreement about how to handle a policy/ procedural issue....that will work out. What upsets me is that I don't want to have personalized conflicts in the workplace -- or maybe I'm being naive. Still, I'm really offended that a colleague would walk away from me in mid-sentence. |
Anonymous
| Well you probably didn't extend the professional courtesy and your question probably fueled the fire. I'm betting you are in the wrong, whatever it is, and the coworker finds you as annoying as I do. Apologize and try not to be such a lousy human being. |
Anonymous
| But would you have rather she go nutso and start yelling at you. Maybe it was best she walked away so she could collect her thoughts. Or she might be non-confrontational and felt overwhelmed, so walked away. |
Anonymous
I'm not the OP but how on Earth can you possibly come to such a conclusion from this post when you truly have no clue who was in the wrong. I"m hoping I'm misreading this and you're just being sarcastic because if not you need to take it down a few nothces. |
Anonymous
| Is there someone neutral you can ask to mediate? What is USG? |
Anonymous
| When she walked away the second time you should have let it drop and not continue to pursue. From what you describe, it seems like you were aggressive. I know I would have perceived it as aggressive. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I'm stunned at that behavior, too. Seriously, unless you made a nasty crack about her special needs child, I can't imagine a grown up who needs to walk away because she is sooooooo angry (unless she has Anger Issues.)
In your shoes, I'd stand there thinking wtf was that?? |
Anonymous
|
USG= US government, I presume.
OP, sorry this happened. Weird that a PP immediately assumes that you are in the wrong. My opinion is that regardless of who is wrong is substance here, if anyone, it remains totally unacceptable just to walk away as a colleague is trying to discuss a work matter. Unprofessional and rude. If she really felt as though she couldn't take the discussion anymore, she should have excused herself and just indicated the current conversation wasn't productive and needed to continue at a better time, for instance. |
Anonymous
|
From what the OP wrote in her second message, the other woman did not just walk away. She said what she wanted to say and then she left. She didn't want to discuss. She made a statement and then left. Then the OP pursued her -- twice.
|