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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Sometimes... (just venting more than anything)
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Anonymous
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Sometimes, I just feel like I can't do ANYTHING right.. There are days and times, that my husband will tell me how much he appreciates everything I do around here, for him etc.. But than, there are days, when I didn't get the laundry done, or something along those lines, and than I just can't do anything right. He can't find a shirt, and he doesn't even want me to look because he already did so therefore it can't be clean (even though I KNOW it is).. I know sometimes he's just in a bad mood and I'm just taking his attitude to heart, but other times I wonder if he's ALWAYS annoyed about stuff and just doesn't talk about it for my benefit (or he thinks it's my benefit), as we've had conversations before about him hiding his feelings.. He thinks he's avoiding an argument, but all he's doing is making it worse later.. I am a SAHM, and I work pretty hard to make sure that the house stays fairly clean for the most part, his uniforms and other clothes are always clean.. I guess what I'm basically saying is that I feel like I do a pretty good job doing my job.
There are days he tells me "just relax, that stuff will all wait" but than later on he's annoyed that the house is a mess or laundry didn't get done, so I'm wondering if what he's really saying is "I want to relax and I don't want to sit here doing nothing and have to watch you work"... So I get to the point when on some of his days off I'll tell him to go hang out with friends and stuff.. I love him, and I think for the most part we have a good happy marriage. I don't know if I'm really looking for advice more than just venting... But feel free to offer advice, or bash or whatever you feel the need to do in response to my post. Have a great day. |
Anonymous
| Can you afford a cleaning service once a week or every other week? It's a great way to force you to stay on top of things. Even when money's tight, I budget for this. |
aprilmayjune
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| Hey 13:47, do you mind if I ask how much you pay for this? What all do they do for you, and who do you go through? |
Anonymous
| I have a two-bedroom unit, with a living room and separate dining area/library. They clean all but one room, my office. She is super inexpensive, $60. My last cleaning lady charged $80. The current one always comes with the same helper. I will not use a service that keeps changing who they send. Trust, etc. |
Anonymous
| This was a referral, from people in the building. She cleans, dusts, vacuums, mops. No laundry. (Dang.) If you belong to a neighborhood listserv, ask there. Good luck. |
Anonymous
Do you have young children at home? Does he realize how impossible it is to keep your house sparkling clean, laundry done and dinner cooked when you have kids to entertain/watch? This is not 1950, he shouldn't be coming home and criticizing your ability to "do your job". I am a recent SAHM and even though I do everyone's laundry, DH puts his own clothes away. That way, when he can't find something he has no one to blame but himself 
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Anonymous
OP here.. Yeah, he realizes that.. and having him put his own laundry away is a GREAT idea.. That's really the biggest argument that we have is when he can't find his damn laundry.. I'm just SO frustrated.. When this stuff is my only job (aside from the parenting, which I LOVE) and my ability to do it is put down, it makes me feel bad about myself as a whole.. I mean it's not like I have a job to go to or pretty much anything else to make me feel accomplished, so his attitude toward my house is kind of a self esteem killer.. (which wouldn't be as bad but I'll be the first to admit that I have fairly low self esteem to begin with.).. He works a lot of hours, and neither of us feels like he should have to work a whole lot on his days off, but than he persuades me not to work on things sometimes either which just gets me behind... I need to stop listening to him when he tells me to relax.... That's pretty much it I think. |
Anonymous
| OP again--and yes, I have a 2 year old. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Have you discussed this with him? I think you should. I know a lot of fathers who do a lot around the house. I respect your reasons for not asking you husband to do a whole lot, but parenting is work, too, and you work a whole lot of hours, so perhaps you two should reconsider this setup since you are sinking into a funk of frustration. Can he do a few chores? He should definitely put laundry away! And can you find a way not to let him persuade you to drop chores when he's around? (Also, what about someone to help once a week or every other week?) |
Anonymous
| This sounds more like a father-daughter relationship then a husband-wife relationship. |
Anonymous
Thank you for this answer.. I appreciate your input.. I'm thinking that I may talk to him about someone to help out maybe on an occassional basis when I start to get really tired. I am also going to let him take over a little more often so I can take some time off.. I did that a couple of days ago and I felt a LOT better.. And he will definitely be putting his own laundry away from now on. That was a good suggestion (that I should have thought of lol). Thanks again! |