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How to convince DH to find new job?
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Anonymous
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Ever since I met DH, he told me how his life's dream was to be a missionary. We were both strong Christians, so I was happy to support him. We actualy both became missionaries and lived all over Africa the past ten years. Now he is teaching others to be missionaries, but we are supposed to go out again next year. The thing is, I don't want to go. I like how much easier it is to live here and feel the schools are much better for our kids. I know they got a different sort of education before, but I think they missed out on a lot of things at American schools, too. Finally, I doubt my faith much more these days and question being a missionary myself again.
I have only hinted at this with DH, but I don't think he gets it. He frequently talks about how much he is looking forward to our next assignment and has said in the past he would never want to do anything else. Any ideas on how best to convince him to do something different? |
aprilmayjune
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| This is tough... It's hard to want to be supportive, but want a different life also.. Maybe try explaining first the benefits of staying in one place for your children and kind of see where the conversation takes you?? |
Anonymous
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You are talking about a major life change, not just a job change. You can't expect him to go from being a missionary to sending out resumes to the HR department at the top 50 employers in the DC area.
And it sounds like you may be on two different faith paths. For some couples, that's not huge. But for missionaries? It's a big deal. I think this falls in the range of a serious and lengthy relationship discussion. I think you need to approach this as a couple, not as a wife who wants to "convince" him of anything. If you can't get anywhere on your own, seriously consider a counselor or trusted minister. |
aprilmayjune
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| 00:47 that was a really good answer.. One question I have is how do your kids feel about going? The one thing I have to add is that it's not just the relationship anymore, it's your whole family. I can see how being the child of a missionary can be very rewarding, however, just make sure that you guys add them into the equation also.. Hopefully you guys are able to find some sort of good compromise that everyone will be happy with. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Agree with having the big conversation. Tell him your doubts and your desires, and ask him how you can work it out as a family. He could go alone. You all could go this last one trip. He could stay. And I'm sure there are other possibilities as well. |
Anonymous
| I think you're not asking the right question. What you've described sounds more like trying to convince him to give up what he seems to consider his calling in life. That's much bigger than just finding a new job. You need to have an in depth discussion of both your goals, desires, needs, concerns and those of the children in addition to the alternatives. GL. |
Anonymous
| And there are also places here in the US that need mission work. It doesn't have to be overseas. |
aprilmayjune
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That is a great point, and might be a wonderful compromise.. |
Anonymous
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You need to open a dialogue with your husband. Lay out your desires, dreams, and hopes and fears about the direction your lives are going in. But first you must reframe your goal.
The goal is not to convince your husband to do what YOU want -- you would not want him to do that to you. It should be for you to come to an agreement (lead by the Holy Spirit) about the mission, vision, and goals of your family. Ask God how to lead you in opening the discussion and open your heart and spirit to possibilities that only God could have dreamed for you. Often it is something far better than you could have dreamed for yourself. Being married is rewarding but hard work -- -- remember God made marriage for people, he didn't make people for marriage. |