BE AWARE: GRANDPARENTING!

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08/14/2010 18:37

Anonymous

Be Aware: "Grand-parenting"!

I sighed with relief. Finally, I was home. It was 11.30pm., Tuesday night. I entered my house and I saw the four-year-old boy laying down on the coach in the living room. Ken, his grandfather and my roommate, was dead asleep on the sofa near by.

- Hi, Christopher!
- Silence. I tried again, louder:
- Hello, Christopher, how are you?
- No answer.

Did he hear me? Sure, he did! He just pretended that I was not there. He was concentrated on watching TV. OK, Christopher, I did NOT care whether or not you greeted me; It was almost midnight and I was tired and hungry after a busy day at school. I decided to go to the kitchen to make some snack for myself. The boy's toys were all over the floor and I was careful not to trip over them. And as I proceeded to the kitchen, I heard shooting sounds and a woman screaming on TV. That scene was really violent and "bloody". A terrible thought flashed through my mind, "Oh, my God! What the boy was watching was definitely inappropriate for his age!"
When I came to the kitchen, I had to sigh again because a huge pile of dirty dishes decorated the sink (OK, Ken was very "busy" today watching TV for 24 hours!). I started to make some tea for myself and in a few minutes Christopher was in the kitchen, too.

- Water! Water! - demanded the boy.
- First of all, Christopher, - I said with an angry voice - Did you say "Hi" to me? You need to be polite to other people. You are a big boy already.
- Hi, Guzel. The boy looked a little bit ashamed.
- That's much better. Now, if you want some water, you need to ask nicely, OK?
- Can I have some water, please?

I poured water into a cup and as I passed it to Christopher, I noticed that the boy's face, hands and nails were really dirty. (I had to sigh for the third time! Ken was REALLY "busy" watching TV and sleeping.) The kid thanked me and ran away to watch movies again.

Christopher usually came to visit his grandfather every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Ken picked him up at 6pm. for dinner and then they started to watch TV till 12 or 1am! Well, they sometimes watch cartoons for a very short time and after that Ken switched to adult channels. From this I could assume that the boy was exposed to different kinds of movies and shows that included cursing, killing and violence, bloody and sexual scenes. I also could guess that the boy, generally, spent approximately 21 hours in front of TV during the 3 days with his granddad! (And I didn't count the TV-time he had at home). Was that experience educational for four-year-old Christopher? Scientists could add sleep-deprive here and the boy's slow development because of that.

One day, I decided to take the initiative and when I returned from school, I woke Ken up and said to him strictly:

- Come on, Ken, it is almost midnight. Your boy SHOULD be in bed right now!
- Yeah, Guzel, you are right. Ken and Christopher obediently went upstairs to sleep.

But guess what happened the next day? Exactly! The boy was watching inappropriate movies for the next seven hours and his grandfather was indifferently sleeping on the sofa!

When I moved to Ken's house, he mentioned that his grandson would visit him sometimes during the week. But I imagined that they would spend time together in a different way. I thought that their evenings would be more fun, interesting and educational. I thought Ken would really enjoy being with Christopher, walking in the park, swimming in the pool, reading or drawing (Come on, Ken, you could give Christopher a motorcycle ride or a bubble bath!). I imagined that he would nurture his grandson and "spoil" him in a good way and find some exciting activities beyond sleeping on the sofa and watching crazy movies. I had been an Au Pair for two years and I witnessed various styles of raising children. Basically, all of them were positive, nurturing and educational; even I learned and benefited from them. But Ken's attitude towards Christopher was my first experience and I was truly shocked.

Today, I'm sometimes feel guilty because I'd like to make a difference in that boy's life and self-developing but I can't (I'm sorry, Ken.). I'm sure Christopher is a smart, fun and sociable boy and he has some hidden talents, he just finds himself in certain negative circumstances that do not allow him to grow. I often think about him and I have tonnes of unanswered questions in my head, "Does Ken care about Christopher? Does his MOM care? Do other grandparents help to raise their grandchildren in the same way? Do they approve the idea of watching TV at night more than 21 hours per week for their loved ones?" If so, we need to do something about that situation. We need to stop raising kids with violent inner worlds and destructible personalities. We need to be aware of "grand-parenting".