Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Moms of mixed-race babies....
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| How about hearing it in the delivery room? In Korea right after the birth one of the doctors gasped and said, "Your baby is whiter than a Korean!" To me it's funny. |
Anonymous
| I find these comments annoying because they suggest that people are looking at my kids as examples of one race or the other and not as individuals. They fixate on the obvious things like hair color and skin color and ignore their facial features, expressions, etc. But I let it go. |
Anonymous
|
White mom of two bi-racial children here. My husband is Asian. Our older son actually looks a lot like me, but with very strong Asian features. Our younger son definitely looks more bi-racial or even white.
I think these comments are almost ALWAYS by well-intended people who are perhaps just a little clueless. I have never seen a reason to get offended. I remember walking through Home Depot when my oldest was about 18 months old, and at that point, he looked VERY VERY Asian (and not a bit like me!). A white couple was shopping with their Asian daughter (clearly adopted), and struck up a cautious conversation about where my son was from (clearly thinking he was adopted). These were just two parents who were excited about their daughter and looking, perhaps, for a common bond. There is nothing wrong with that. I wasn't a bit offended when they asked where my son was from. I just said, "Ahh, no,... he's mine... my husband is Korean." I understand it might be annoying if you got those comments all the time, but really, I see no reason to be flip with people or embarass them for asking what may be an understandable (if somewhat tactless) question. Why all the aggravation? To the extent people are sheltered/stupid and its never crossed their mind that the child might have bi-racial parents... why educate them in such a nasty way? Why not just say pleasantly, "No, he's mine... my husband is X"? |
Anonymous
I don't think any of the PPs comes back with a nasty response. Where did you get that idea? |
zumbamama
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
This weekend I saw my Filipino uncle whom I hadn't seen long before my kids were born. He looked at my light skinned child who doesn't look like me, and asked her "whose child are you?" He looked at me, and said, "She looks nothing like you." He repeated this three times.
The first time I said, "Yes, she is mine." (my usual response to this comment). THe second time I said, "She takes after her dad." The third time I said, "well, there's this thing called genetics...her father is white, I'm half white...so it's no wonder that at least one of my kids looks, surprise, surprise...white! |
Anonymous
Point well taken. Perhaps "nasty" was too strong a word choice... But I think saying things like, "my uterus" is kind of flippant and crass. One PP suggested the question should be met with "stony silence". JMO, but I think these are mostly innocent questions, and deserve mostly thoughtful responses. |
Anonymous
|
I'm adopted from China and my parents are WASPs. Now I am married to a white guy and we have a biracial baby, with "asian" eyes. My experiences is: There is no limit to people's curiosity and there is no limit to people's ignorance. You are at the beginning of your journey. Race is very public and people feel comfortable commenting on it and asking about it.
For myself, I had to decide if I wanted to 1) laugh people's stupidity off and/or 2) use it as a teachable moment and/or 3) ignore rude, uninformed and idiotic comments. This is in your control, I've come to realize, and you can do different things at different times... I personally tend to number 2. I feel it's good people ask about race and maybe, who knows?, my rcesponses actually help someone have an aha moment. So I sometimes ask back "What makes you think a parent and a child have to look alike?" or I tell people "I love living in a country in which families can include different races." |
Anonymous
|
People just like to make a connection, and to hear how families are formed. If offense were intended, you'd know it.
I'm white and my husband is middle eastern, but our daughter is a carbon copy of me. People kind of go ga-ga over the resemblence, and it never occurs to my husband to be offended. |
Anonymous
| OP, that is why I try NOT to comment if the child looks like a different race then the parent. There are just a lot of different families nowadays, that I don't think it's prudent to comment. |
Anonymous
|
Mom with adopted mixed race son here piping in -
think it is important to affirm your child's connection to you strongly for their sake - not the person asking. A case in point, as a mom with an adopted son, I get questions a lot along the lines of "where did you get him?" "who is his real mom?" etc. I think most of these questions are from folks who are just not thinking about what they are saying, but it is important - I think - to respond to such questions in a way that makes crystal clear to your son or daughter that they are your son or daughter even if they look different than you. Little ears are always listening! |