Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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01/25/2022 12:11

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

My mother died suddenly in September (not Covid) (I don't know why I feel the need to add that, but I always do). He stopped wearing his wedding ring in November. My dad lives across the country.

1. Do I say/do anything on their anniversary? In the past I'd call and send a card.
2. Do I say/do anything on Valentines Day? In the past I'd call and send a card.

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01/25/2022 12:19

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Hallmark probably makes a card for this, if you’re so inclined.

You shouldn’t have been doing anything for V-Day to begin with. Valentine’s Day is a holiday for lovers and elementary school kids. Not to be rude, but I think it’s OK to stop wishing your dad a Happy Valentine’s Day now.

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01/25/2022 12:25

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

I’m sorry for your loss, OP.

My spouse and I both dealt with this. When our dads were widowers, we always called on the wedding anniversaries and how a nice conversation about how we were thinking of them on the day. We’d also usually talk about stories they’d shared about their respective weddings and a bit about how much we loved and missed our moms.

Your dad will be thinking about it on the day, so it’s nice to let him know that he and your mom are both in your thoughts.

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01/25/2022 13:21

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Hallmark probably makes a card for this, if you’re so inclined.

You shouldn’t have been doing anything for V-Day to begin with. Valentine’s Day is a holiday for lovers and elementary school kids. Not to be rude, but I think it’s OK to stop wishing your dad a Happy Valentine’s Day now.

In our family it's always been for everyone.

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01/25/2022 13:27

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Jkirsh64
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Joined: 04/27/2017 23:22
Messages: 36
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I don’t think I would send a card but I would definitely call him to let him know you are thinking of him. I am sorry for your loss.

profile p.m.

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01/26/2022 00:11

Subject: Re:Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Send a card - made to be from a daughter to her dad on Valentine’s Day. I would not send an anniversary card, but perhaps a thinking of you card with a note that you realize the day might be difficult for him. And then follow it up with a phone call.

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01/26/2022 00:17

Subject: Re:Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Send a card - made to be from a daughter to her dad on Valentine’s Day. I would not send an anniversary card, but perhaps a thinking of you card with a note that you realize the day might be difficult for him. And then follow it up with a phone call.

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01/26/2022 08:11

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

You can call him and just ask how he's doing and if he has anything planned for the day. Don't directly mention it but he can.

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01/26/2022 08:37

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

OP, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.

TBH I think there is much more to your post than a simple card question.

I think you have worries that he may be considering dating again,is that it?

The fact you mention he's stopped wearing his ring is pertinent. (How do you know that if he lives across the country, BTW?)

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01/26/2022 09:17

Subject: Re:Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Three months after my mom died my dad was online dating like crazy. I think this is very, very person specific.

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01/26/2022 09:25

Subject: Re:Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Three months after my mom died my dad was online dating like crazy. I think this is very, very person specific.

I was coming here to mention this. Men tend to move on very quickly. Obviously, not every single man does. But many do not want to be uncoupled. I'd just brace yourself for him finding a new lady love in the next 6 months.

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01/26/2022 09:52

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Just FYI - no snark.

Men are widowers.
Women are widows.

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01/26/2022 12:47

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:You can call him and just ask how he's doing and if he has anything planned for the day. Don't directly mention it but he can.

This is what I did. Although I am close with my mom and was able to ask her a gentle “is today hard for you?”

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01/28/2022 12:08

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Just FYI - no snark.

Men are widowers.
Women are widows.

OP here. Thanks - I didn't know there was a difference.

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01/28/2022 12:11

Subject: Couple of questions about my dad who's a new widow

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. TBH I think there is much more to your post than a simple card question. I think you have worries that he may be considering dating again,is that it? The fact you mention he's stopped wearing his ring is pertinent. (How do you know that if he lives across the country, BTW?)

OP here. I know because he told me, and then when he visited around the end of November, I saw his hand. I'm not worried about him dating, really. It'd be okay.